life

Bunnies Bought for Easter Often Wind Up in Shelters

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 15th, 2011

DEAR ABBY: Could you please reprint a letter you ran a few years ago about the dangers of purchasing a pet rabbit for children at Easter? As a rabbit owner for eight years, I'm all too familiar with the misconceptions and ridiculous theories associated with these delightful creatures. Every point in that letter rang true to me, and I beg anyone considering giving a child a rabbit to reconsider.

When I bought my bunny, it was near Easter time. Most pet stores didn't offer them, and I was told it was because of the large number of rabbits found dead or abandoned on the streets because the selfish, inhumane people who bought them for the holiday disposed of them the next day. These dear little animals deserve owners who will love and respect them. Please don't waste their lives. -- CAITLIN IN L.A.

DEAR CAITLIN: I'm happy to oblige. The letter you requested carries an important message that can't be repeated often enough:

DEAR ABBY: Easter is coming. Many families still purchase live rabbits as pets for their children. Parents often think rabbits are good "starter" pets and don't understand what they are getting into. As a result, many of these poor creatures end up in animal shelters, and children learn that pets are disposable.

Before getting rabbits, people should consider:

1. Are they willing to make a seven-to-10-year commitment? That is the average lifespan of a rabbit.

2. What will happen if their child gets bored with the bunny after six months?

3. Is there a place in their house for a rabbit cage?

4. Are they willing to pay to get it spayed/neutered and provide vet care?

5. Do they know that most rabbits hate to be held? Will their child accept that?

6. Are they willing to ensure that children under 7 won't pick up the rabbit without supervision? Rabbits are fragile; their legs or spine will break if accidentally dropped.

7. Can they provide three hours of exercise every day in an escape-proof area outside its cage?

8. Do the adults want the rabbit, too? A rabbit should be a family pet.

If people have questions about rabbits and their care, please ask them to contact my organization. We are happy to answer questions. Our website is www.rabbitnetwork.org, and our phone number is (781) 431-1211.

Finally, if a rabbit is right for you and your family, please adopt one from a shelter or rescue group. You'll enrich your family with a new member and also teach your kids the value of saving a life. Thank you. -- SUZANNE TRAYHAN, PRESIDENT, HOUSE RABBIT NETWORK

DEAR SUZANNE: The topic of bunnies, baby chicks and ducklings as Easter gifts is one that recurs every year. I hear from people who work in animal shelters deploring the fact that these helpless little creatures are later dumped when they cease to be novelties. I hope readers will take to heart what you have written, particularly the suggestion that if a rabbit is going to be adopted, a shelter or rescue group can be an excellent resource.

life

Quarrelsome Couple Take Hostility to New Heights

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 14th, 2011 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We have been friends with "The Bickersons" for quite some time. They never have a kind word to say to each other. Mr. B. now has a terminal illness, and you would think they'd be kinder to each other at a time like this. On the contrary, their fights are more groundless and vicious than ever. It is becoming increasingly difficult to be around them. This is when they need friends more than ever, but they're driving everyone away! What can we do? -- LOVE IS ALL WE NEED

DEAR LOVE: While you might imagine that when a spouse has a terminal illness it would bring the couple closer together, that is not always the case. Mr. B. may be frightened, angry, in pain and taking it out on his wife. Mrs. B. may be furious at her husband for being sick and dependent, and requiring her to have gone from being a wife to a caregiver. Also, they both may be settling old scores.

Because it's painful to watch what's going on but you want to be supportive, consider socializing with them separately. They may appreciate the time they get to spend away from each other.

life

Dear Abby for April 14, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 14th, 2011 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When does dieting become rude? I have always enjoyed inviting friends and family over for dinner. But lately it seems everyone is on some kind of diet and "can't eat that."

I fix healthy meals -- free of fats, sugars and salt. If someone has a dietary restriction or wants to pass on dessert, I am fine with that, of course. I don't like it, though, when my carefully prepared meals turn into leftovers or get thrown away off someone's plate.

Why would anyone accept a dinner invitation and then turn into a picky guest? Would eating an average serving of a good meal once a week blow someone's diet? -- LOST THE JOY OF COOKING

DEAR LOST THE JOY: I'll answer your questions in reverse order. Eating an "average serving of a good meal" once a week could blow someone's diet, depending on the kind of diet the person is on. And the reason someone who is on a severely restricted diet would accept a dinner invitation on a weekly basis might be because he or she wants to see you, wants to see some of the other guests or doesn't want to be left out. But for a conclusive answer, you need to query the dieter.

life

Dear Abby for April 14, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 14th, 2011 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I are very close, and I love her very much, but I have a problem. Mom goes on every single field trip with my class. There have even been times when she was the only parent in attendance. The teachers are grateful for her, but it's becoming embarrassing. I'm a freshman in a private high school, and I want to start doing things more independently. What's the best way to tell Mom before my next trip that I prefer she not go without hurting her feelings? -- I'M A BIG GIRL NOW

DEAR BIG GIRL: Talk to your mother at a time when you are both calm. She needs to understand that her hovering is making you self-conscious when you need some independence. However, keep in mind that she may be the only parent who is volunteering and has the time to assist in the field trips -- which is why the teachers are grateful. What I'm trying to convey is how important it is for you and your mother to communicate honestly with each other.

life

Open Gay Man Isn't Happy Being His Partner's Secret

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 13th, 2011 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old gay man who has been in a relationship for two years with a guy who just turned 30. My problem is he has not yet told his family about me.

He has been around my family, and they view him as part of the family. I want the same with his parents and sibling. I think he should have told them by now.

Is it OK to give him an ultimatum to either tell his family or I'll leave? I don't want to be a secret anymore, and I don't know how to handle this. -- OUT AND PROUD IN BALTIMORE

DEAR OUT AND PROUD: It appears your boyfriend has not yet come out to his family -- or if he did, it didn't go well. Although your family accepts him and the fact that you are a couple, the same may not be possible with his. Your boyfriend may need counseling in order to gain the strength to level with his parents and sibling. Because you are no longer willing to be kept under wraps, you do need to make that clear to him. But do not give him an ultimatum unless you are prepared to follow through.

life

Dear Abby for April 13, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 13th, 2011 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My unmarried sister passed away unexpectedly two years ago. My brother, other sister and I had a difficult time locating her personal accounts and bills because she did everything online. This prompted me to begin writing down all my passwords for my computer and storing the list in a secure location. I have asked my husband of 29 years to do the same, but he refuses.

My husband has given me the information on our joint financial accounts, but insists that his email account is private.

I told him he doesn't have to give me the password. I just want him to write it down in the event something happens. I told him I have nothing to hide, but does he? He got angry, and we are barely speaking now.

Five years ago, I found out he was trading questionable emails with a divorced cocktail waitress, and now I'm concerned. He frequents bars after work, and I can't help but worry. Should I drop it or ask him what he's hiding? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN OHIO

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: Folks who are secretive usually have something to hide. Your husband's past behavior coupled with his refusal to let you have the password to his email account indicates that he's not proud of what you would find. If you're willing to accept the status quo, drop the subject. However, if you assert yourself and pursue this, the first person you should talk to is your lawyer because you may need one.

life

Dear Abby for April 13, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 13th, 2011 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother was recently invited to a shower and was given specific instructions not to put her name on the gift. The reason? The honoree plans to issue one general thank-you to everyone because she "doesn't have the time" to send individual thank-you notes.

Abby, if someone takes the time and spends the money to buy a gift, shouldn't the recipient be gracious enough to write a personal note? -- THOUGHT I'D HEARD IT ALL IN OHIO

DEAR THOUGHT: Of course she should! If the honoree is so busy that she plans to forgo thanking her guests for their generosity, she should save everyone's time, money and effort and forgo the shower.

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