DEAR ABBY: We have been friends with "The Bickersons" for quite some time. They never have a kind word to say to each other. Mr. B. now has a terminal illness, and you would think they'd be kinder to each other at a time like this. On the contrary, their fights are more groundless and vicious than ever. It is becoming increasingly difficult to be around them. This is when they need friends more than ever, but they're driving everyone away! What can we do? -- LOVE IS ALL WE NEED

DEAR LOVE: While you might imagine that when a spouse has a terminal illness it would bring the couple closer together, that is not always the case. Mr. B. may be frightened, angry, in pain and taking it out on his wife. Mrs. B. may be furious at her husband for being sick and dependent, and requiring her to have gone from being a wife to a caregiver. Also, they both may be settling old scores.

Because it's painful to watch what's going on but you want to be supportive, consider socializing with them separately. They may appreciate the time they get to spend away from each other.

DEAR ABBY: When does dieting become rude? I have always enjoyed inviting friends and family over for dinner. But lately it seems everyone is on some kind of diet and "can't eat that."

I fix healthy meals -- free of fats, sugars and salt. If someone has a dietary restriction or wants to pass on dessert, I am fine with that, of course. I don't like it, though, when my carefully prepared meals turn into leftovers or get thrown away off someone's plate.

Why would anyone accept a dinner invitation and then turn into a picky guest? Would eating an average serving of a good meal once a week blow someone's diet? -- LOST THE JOY OF COOKING

DEAR LOST THE JOY: I'll answer your questions in reverse order. Eating an "average serving of a good meal" once a week could blow someone's diet, depending on the kind of diet the person is on. And the reason someone who is on a severely restricted diet would accept a dinner invitation on a weekly basis might be because he or she wants to see you, wants to see some of the other guests or doesn't want to be left out. But for a conclusive answer, you need to query the dieter.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I are very close, and I love her very much, but I have a problem. Mom goes on every single field trip with my class. There have even been times when she was the only parent in attendance. The teachers are grateful for her, but it's becoming embarrassing. I'm a freshman in a private high school, and I want to start doing things more independently. What's the best way to tell Mom before my next trip that I prefer she not go without hurting her feelings? -- I'M A BIG GIRL NOW

DEAR BIG GIRL: Talk to your mother at a time when you are both calm. She needs to understand that her hovering is making you self-conscious when you need some independence. However, keep in mind that she may be the only parent who is volunteering and has the time to assist in the field trips -- which is why the teachers are grateful. What I'm trying to convey is how important it is for you and your mother to communicate honestly with each other.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old gay man who has been in a relationship for two years with a guy who just turned 30. My problem is he has not yet told his family about me.

He has been around my family, and they view him as part of the family. I want the same with his parents and sibling. I think he should have told them by now.

Is it OK to give him an ultimatum to either tell his family or I'll leave? I don't want to be a secret anymore, and I don't know how to handle this. -- OUT AND PROUD IN BALTIMORE

DEAR OUT AND PROUD: It appears your boyfriend has not yet come out to his family -- or if he did, it didn't go well. Although your family accepts him and the fact that you are a couple, the same may not be possible with his. Your boyfriend may need counseling in order to gain the strength to level with his parents and sibling. Because you are no longer willing to be kept under wraps, you do need to make that clear to him. But do not give him an ultimatum unless you are prepared to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My unmarried sister passed away unexpectedly two years ago. My brother, other sister and I had a difficult time locating her personal accounts and bills because she did everything online. This prompted me to begin writing down all my passwords for my computer and storing the list in a secure location. I have asked my husband of 29 years to do the same, but he refuses.

My husband has given me the information on our joint financial accounts, but insists that his email account is private.

I told him he doesn't have to give me the password. I just want him to write it down in the event something happens. I told him I have nothing to hide, but does he? He got angry, and we are barely speaking now.

Five years ago, I found out he was trading questionable emails with a divorced cocktail waitress, and now I'm concerned. He frequents bars after work, and I can't help but worry. Should I drop it or ask him what he's hiding? -- NOTHING TO HIDE IN OHIO

DEAR NOTHING TO HIDE: Folks who are secretive usually have something to hide. Your husband's past behavior coupled with his refusal to let you have the password to his email account indicates that he's not proud of what you would find. If you're willing to accept the status quo, drop the subject. However, if you assert yourself and pursue this, the first person you should talk to is your lawyer because you may need one.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was recently invited to a shower and was given specific instructions not to put her name on the gift. The reason? The honoree plans to issue one general thank-you to everyone because she "doesn't have the time" to send individual thank-you notes.

Abby, if someone takes the time and spends the money to buy a gift, shouldn't the recipient be gracious enough to write a personal note? -- THOUGHT I'D HEARD IT ALL IN OHIO

DEAR THOUGHT: Of course she should! If the honoree is so busy that she plans to forgo thanking her guests for their generosity, she should save everyone's time, money and effort and forgo the shower.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Agnostic Dad in South Carolina" (Feb. 16), who wondered about how to answer the inevitable "Is there a God?" question his children will ask. My parents had strong but differing Christian faiths. They compromised when bringing us up, and we went to the church nearest our home (another denomination). Further, when we were teens, they allowed us to "sample" other religious traditions to determine what would suit us best.

I became agnostic, and like "Dad in S.C.," was unsure what to tell my son. My husband and I do not belong to any organized religion and didn't take him to church as a youngster. Instead, we introduced stories from the Bible at bedtime, and allowed him to attend his friends' churches when he asked to. More important, we showed him that all people are to be valued and that differences are to be respected.

Our son is now in his late 20s. He's a gentle, caring person with an interest in people from other cultures, religions and circumstances. Whether he is agnostic, religious or an atheist is a personal matter to him. He's comfortable with his beliefs and doesn't impose them on anyone else. As a parent, I couldn't ask for more. -- FREE-THINKING MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOM: Thank you for writing. Many readers were eager to offer guidance on this subject to a fellow parent. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Despite eight years of Catholic education, I'm an atheist. My wife is a Lutheran. We've never argued about it because we feel everyone has a right to religious freedom. We have three sons, whom she took to church and Sunday school regularly with my complete support. We discussed in advance what our answer should be when the God question came up. Our response was: "Some people believe there is a God and others do not. You will get a sound religious education, and when the time comes, you will decide for yourself."

Our sons are now adults with families. Two are religious; one is not. At family meals we join hands and say grace. Some recite it -- some just listen -- and everybody's happy. -- HARMONIOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: There is no problem for "Agnostic" and his wife to "handle." If his children ask if there's a God, he should model honesty for them and say what he thinks. So should his wife. If the kids get two different answers, they will learn that not everyone shares the same opinion. Suggesting that "Dad" not express his view plainly, without input from his wife, amounts to recommending that they collude in providing a dishonest answer. -- EMERITUS PROFESSOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are agnostic parents of two adult children, both of whom are tolerant, open-minded and decent people. My advice to "Dad" is to read some of the excellent books that are available about discussing God and religion with children. He should also look into the Unitarian Universalist church, which does not push any one creed but encourages people to find their own beliefs in a supportive environment. -- NANCY H. IN TEXAS