life

Open Minds Are Useful When Discussing God With Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 12th, 2011

DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "Agnostic Dad in South Carolina" (Feb. 16), who wondered about how to answer the inevitable "Is there a God?" question his children will ask. My parents had strong but differing Christian faiths. They compromised when bringing us up, and we went to the church nearest our home (another denomination). Further, when we were teens, they allowed us to "sample" other religious traditions to determine what would suit us best.

I became agnostic, and like "Dad in S.C.," was unsure what to tell my son. My husband and I do not belong to any organized religion and didn't take him to church as a youngster. Instead, we introduced stories from the Bible at bedtime, and allowed him to attend his friends' churches when he asked to. More important, we showed him that all people are to be valued and that differences are to be respected.

Our son is now in his late 20s. He's a gentle, caring person with an interest in people from other cultures, religions and circumstances. Whether he is agnostic, religious or an atheist is a personal matter to him. He's comfortable with his beliefs and doesn't impose them on anyone else. As a parent, I couldn't ask for more. -- FREE-THINKING MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOM: Thank you for writing. Many readers were eager to offer guidance on this subject to a fellow parent. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Despite eight years of Catholic education, I'm an atheist. My wife is a Lutheran. We've never argued about it because we feel everyone has a right to religious freedom. We have three sons, whom she took to church and Sunday school regularly with my complete support. We discussed in advance what our answer should be when the God question came up. Our response was: "Some people believe there is a God and others do not. You will get a sound religious education, and when the time comes, you will decide for yourself."

Our sons are now adults with families. Two are religious; one is not. At family meals we join hands and say grace. Some recite it -- some just listen -- and everybody's happy. -- HARMONIOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: There is no problem for "Agnostic" and his wife to "handle." If his children ask if there's a God, he should model honesty for them and say what he thinks. So should his wife. If the kids get two different answers, they will learn that not everyone shares the same opinion. Suggesting that "Dad" not express his view plainly, without input from his wife, amounts to recommending that they collude in providing a dishonest answer. -- EMERITUS PROFESSOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are agnostic parents of two adult children, both of whom are tolerant, open-minded and decent people. My advice to "Dad" is to read some of the excellent books that are available about discussing God and religion with children. He should also look into the Unitarian Universalist church, which does not push any one creed but encourages people to find their own beliefs in a supportive environment. -- NANCY H. IN TEXAS

life

Stopping for Funeral Cortege Is the Customary Thing to Do

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 11th, 2011 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: For years I have wondered about this every time I have gone to a funeral and have ridden in the procession to the cemetery.

As the procession travels to the cemetery, all cars and trucks pull over and stop. That custom strikes me as very touching. I was in another procession last week, and even the UPS truck and several semis pulled over.

My question is, is this a custom only in southern Indiana where I live, or does everyone do this? -- WONDERING NEAR INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR WONDERING: According to Emily Post, this consideration should be accorded regardless of where people live. She writes: "If you encounter a funeral cortege (signaled by a line of cars with headlights or flashing hazard lights on), it's respectful to pull over to the side of the street until the cars have passed. Waiting at a green light while a cortege passes is also expected, even if someone behind you is honking to proceed."

life

Dear Abby for April 11, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 11th, 2011 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: "Charlene" and I dated 10 years ago. We remained friends after dating. At the time, she was plus-sized.

I moved away for a while, and now that I am back, Charlene will talk to me only on the phone and not in person. Her reason is she is much too large now to let me see her. She doesn't want any human contact at all, and I'm scared for her. I have told her many times that I don't care about her weight. I want to see her, but she won't budge. I don't know how to get her to snap out of it. Help! -- KEPT AWAY IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR KEPT AWAY: If Charlene has family and you know how to contact them, do so. Outline your concern that their relative has gained so much weight she's gone into hiding -- and hope they can convince her to seek help. Other than that, there's no way to force direct contact on someone who doesn't want to see you. However, you should continue to be a supportive telephone friend. She may need all the emotional support she will allow.

life

Dear Abby for April 11, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 11th, 2011 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I divorced two years ago after 25 years of marriage. During the divorce I met a man who helped me through the emotional roller coaster I was on. We became close and hoped to be married eventually. He died unexpectedly of a heart attack.

My mother introduced me to another man, "Donald," who is good and kind, but who was "burned" after a divorce and a long relationship. We see each other once a week, but I'd like to see him more often.

I'm having trouble being in limbo and not becoming too attached to Donald. Conventional wisdom tells me to stop waiting for him to come around. I work, volunteer, and have been asked out by other men. I have turned them down so as not to jeopardize what I currently have. Donald isn't seeing anyone else.

Can you please help set me straight once and for all? I'm in my late 40s and feeling blue about my dating situation. -- UNCERTAIN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Has Donald told you he's not interested in marrying again? If not, he may warm to the idea eventually. However, for him to expect you to date him exclusively with no commitment on his part is unfair to you.

How long have you been seeing him? It seems to me you need to have a mature discussion. From where I sit you have no reason to feel blue. You're seeing him once a week, having a guaranteed good time, and you can explore the possibility of a permanent relationship with him or any of the other men who have shown an interest. So think positive and enjoy yourself.

life

Soldier Going to Senior Prom Practices 'Back Off Boogaloo'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 10th, 2011 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am currently deployed in Afghanistan. My best friend's little sister, "Brittany," has had a crush on me for years. She has been straightforward about what she wants -- marriage, kids, white picket fence, etc. She has always been like a little sister, so it has been awkward. I thought it was weird for a 15-year-old (at the time) to say that to an older soldier on R&R.

During my deployment Brittany has sent me care packages loaded with cookies. Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut about my weakness for homemade cookies, but hindsight is 20/20. Brittany has now called in the bribe by inviting me to her senior prom. Not wanting to mess with the steady supply of baked goods, I said yes. I figure it's an appropriate way to say thanks for the cookies.

I intend to make sure Brittany enjoys her prom with her medal-covered arm candy, but I need to let her know that while I'm flattered she thinks so highly of me, I'm not interested in dating her. I love her like a sister. I don't want to break her heart.

Any suggestions for a guy who's about as subtle as a tank rolling down a cobblestone road on a Sunday? -- MEDAL-COVERED EYE CANDY

DEAR EYE CANDY: How long has it been since you've seen Brittany? When you return for that prom, she will no longer be that precocious 15-year-old you remember. By all means show her a nice evening. But don't say anything you might regret or you may have to eat your words instead of those cookies. If you're not romantically interested, you'll date other women and Brittany will catch on soon enough. And you may find that after her glamorous evening with her medal-covered war hero, she sets her sights on someone other than you. Stranger things have happened.

life

Dear Abby for April 10, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 10th, 2011 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Spring is here, and with it comes the wedding season. Would you please inform your readers about the importance of answering wedding RSVPs? A lot of people appear to need reminding about the need to respond. Thanks! -- MOTHER OF A BRIDE AND GROOM

DEAR MOTHER: I'm glad to oblige -- and congratulations on the double blessing that's coming your way in gaining both a daughter and a son!

Readers: When a formal invitation is received, you should immediately return the RSVP card that's enclosed with it. RSVP is the abbreviation for the French phrase "Repondez s'il vous plait," which means "Please reply." It's important for the people planning the affair to know how many guests will attend so they can be properly provided for -- for obvious reasons. So please be polite and don't keep them wondering.

life

Dear Abby for April 10, 2011

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 10th, 2011 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with a woman named "Camille" who has three children from three different fathers. She has never been married. She also has a male "friend" whom she has her children calling "Daddy" even though he's not. I have loved Camille for 20 years, and our paths recently crossed again. When I first met her, she had only one child.

Camille says she loves me and wants us to be married, but I'm having a hard time accepting that all of these children's fathers will be part of our life -- as well as the "friend." Can a psychologist help me get past this? -- DEVOTED IN BLOOMINGTON, MINN.

DEAR DEVOTED: I don't know. But before you take this relationship further, you should definitely see one.

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