DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of four boys in their 20s. None of my sons is married yet, but because they are reaching the age where they might be soon, I have been paying attention to how weddings were planned and carried out by our friends' children -- all of whom are married.

What's bothering me is, it seems to be all about the girl. The guys and their parents seem to be left out of almost everything. I assumed that in this day and age, where many wedding expenses are shared by both sets of parents, that the groom and his parents would be more involved.

The purpose of this letter is to remind parents of daughters that this is a big day for the groom and his parents, too. Please be considerate and include them in the planning decisions and pre-wedding activities. -- IT'S OUR BIG DAY TOO!

DEAR I.O.B.D.T.!: If you are sharing the expenses, you should make it clear -- with a smile -- that because you are helping to pay for the event, you expect to be included in the planning and pre-wedding activities. Got it?

DEAR ABBY: Every year on my birthday I would send my mother flowers. I did it for more than 25 years because of something I read as a young man in the Dear Abby column.

Mom passed away last year. So, in addition to the flowers I will place on her grave this year, I thought I'd share with all your readers this wonderful gift I received from your column. Every year it brought joy to my mother to receive my bouquet with a note of thanks for all that she had done for me.

Mom was kind, gentle, beautiful, loving and an inspiration to many. I miss her very much. I hope my letter will inspire other readers to remember their mothers the same way, and realize how precious and priceless our time with them is. Thank you for my birthday, Mom! Rest in peace. -- JOSEPH IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR JOSEPH: I'm sorry for your loss. Your mother obviously raised a son with all her sterling qualities. I'm pleased the idea you took to heart when my mother wrote this column brought joy to your mother and was meaningful to you. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: Every year on my birthday I would send my mother flowers. I did it for more than 25 years because of something I read as a young man in the Dear Abby column.

Mom passed away last year. So, in addition to the flowers I will place on her grave this year, I thought I'd share with all your readers this wonderful gift I received from your column. Every year it brought joy to my mother to receive my bouquet with a note of thanks for all that she had done for me.

Mom was kind, gentle, beautiful, loving and an inspiration to many. I miss her very much. I hope my letter will inspire other readers to remember their mothers the same way, and realize how precious and priceless our time with them is. Thank you for my birthday, Mom! Rest in peace. -- JOSEPH IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR JOSEPH: I'm sorry for your loss. Your mother obviously raised a son with all her sterling qualities. I'm pleased the idea you took to heart when my mother wrote this column brought joy to your mother and was meaningful to you. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 16 years, "Barb," and I argue constantly. We can't seem to agree on anything, have few common interests and don't enjoy our time together. Our love life is nonexistent. We have gone to three marriage counselors and it hasn't helped. We now "get along" by avoiding each other.

I think it's time we faced the fact that we're never going to be happy together. When I bring this up with Barb, she gets angry and launches into the same old tirade, saying if I want a divorce I'll have to get a lawyer.

Divorce will be difficult and costly enough without having to drag lawyers into it. I'd like us to agree that it's time to split and use a mediator to work out the details. It will save us a lot of money and, hopefully, make the divorce less acrimonious.

I don't understand why Barb wants to stay together when she's so unhappy and we're unable to make things better. How can I make her see that separating -- in as kind a way as possible -- will be best for us and the kids included? -- "FORMER" HUSBAND IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR "FORMER" HUSBAND: Your wife may prefer the evils she's living with to the unknown of being a divorcee with children. However, when a marriage is over -- it's over. And when it reaches the stage that yours has, what both parties need to be most concerned about is preservation of assets, so they aren't dissipated in attorney's fees.

I have seen both kinds of divorces -- one in which the warring spouses spent so much money in litigation there was little left for each of them when it was over; and the other, in which the couple agreed their marriage was broken beyond repair and arranged their divorce with as little cost as possible. I don't have to tell you which people are doing well now. So clip this and share it with your wife.

DEAR ABBY: If no one answers the phone when my mother calls, she shouts on the answering machine for my children (ages 18 and 12) to "pick up!" Then she'll try my cell phone once or twice in quick succession before calling back on the house phone and leaving a cranky message. It's never an emergency; she just wants to chat.

I understand that Mom is frustrated, but sometimes we are resting, eating dinner or are otherwise indisposed. And yes, there are times when we're not in the mood to talk. She lectures me constantly about how my husband and I are teaching our children to be disrespectful by ignoring her calls. (Their teachers and other adults regularly comment about how polite they are.)

I see nothing wrong with letting a call go to voicemail if I can't or don't want to talk at that moment, and I always return Mom's call. I also encourage my kids to call her, but she doesn't make it easy when she begins a conversation with, "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude not to answer the phone?" Do I owe her an apology, or does she need to be more patient? -- "PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE ..."

DEAR PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE ...: Your mother apparently feels that her needs and wishes automatically take precedence over whatever else may be happening in your lives. You do not owe her any apologies, and yes, she does need to be more patient. But she won't get that message until you are able to communicate it clearly and directly to her. You are no longer a child, and you should not be expected to drop everything anytime your mother wants to "chat."

DEAR ABBY: I am a female high school junior with many friends I love and a boyfriend I care for very much. A number of my friends are gay.

One girl, "Belinda," is a year older than I am. She told me a couple of years ago that she is a lesbian. I have done everything I can to help her and support her. Last year, Belinda shared that she loves me more than as a friend. She would like to take me to the prom this year, and I would like to go with her.

Because I am already involved in a relationship with a boy, should I not be Belinda's escort? If I go, how do I tell my parents? -- LOYAL FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR LOYAL FRIEND: It's time you have another talk with Belinda and explain to her that you like her very much as a friend, but not in the same way that she feels about you. Because you are already involved in a relationship, you and your boyfriend could (possibly) attend the prom with Belinda as a threesome -- but you should not be her "date." If this turns out to be the solution to your problem, I'm sure your parents would have no objection to it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow. My husband and I enjoyed traveling all the years we were married. Since his death I've taken one trip to Florida alone. It was OK, but not the same, of course, without a loved one to share the experience. I really miss going places and seeing things.

My son and his family take lots of mini-weekend trips. I would love to be asked to go along occasionally. I am not sure if they don't ask me because they can't afford the extra expense of an additional person, or because they want privacy. I can afford to pay my own way. I don't know how to let them know I'd love to be included once in a while.

I know there are trips for seniors, but I'm not good at mingling with new people. I have always been family-oriented. The discomfort of traveling with a group of new people would outweigh the fun for me. What do you suggest? -- LITTLE BIT LONELY

DEAR LITTLE BIT LONELY: Mention once to your son and his wife that you'd love to be invited to go with them on an occasional mini-weekend getaway -- and that you'd be glad to pay your way. They may take you up on it. However, if they don't, do not bring it up again.

I strongly urge you not to restrict yourself in making new acquaintances. Find new interests now that you are alone. Fight the instinct to isolate yourself. If you don't want to travel with a group of strangers, ask some of your women friends if they would be interested in traveling with you. There are exciting times ahead for you, but you must be willing to assert some independence and reach out.

DEAR ABBY: How do you respond if you're dating a much older man and someone asks if he is your father? -- THE YOUNGER WOMAN IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR YOUNGER WOMAN: You just reply, no, he's someone you're dating. Say it with good humor and without being defensive. If there is a large age discrepancy, it's a logical question.