DEAR ABBY: I recently began dating a dear friend of two years I'll call "Harry." We have discussed marriage, and he is keenly interested in having children. He was married to his ex-wife for 18 years and they had no children.

Abby, Harry's close relationship with his ex is making me uncomfortable. She lives five minutes away and they socialize at least twice a week. He had fought the divorce, but says he's relieved the two of them remain friendly.

I love Harry dearly, but I have told him I think that I -- not his ex -- should be his best friend. He gently told me that is out of the question, and I can expect her to attend all family holiday celebrations and other functions.

We ended our relationship as amicably as possible after he said his ex-wife laughed at my not wanting to be part of his "harem." I am devastated. Was I unreasonable? -- WOUNDED IN HOUSTON

DEAR WOUNDED: Not at all. You have my sympathy, and you were right to end the romance. Harry is still too emotionally tied to his ex-wife to be married to anyone else. And she knows that, which is why she laughed.

DEAR ABBY: I am beginning the process of planning my 20th high school reunion. Last spring, one of my classmates died after a heroic battle with cancer. He was well-loved by his friends and family, and I am wondering if we should invite his widow to the reunion. She did not go to our high school, but many of my classmates know her through her husband and I think they would appreciate her being there.

I am hesitating because I'm unsure whether it would be appropriate to invite her, and also how I can ensure that the experience won't be awkward. Do you think it's a good idea to invite her? -- WONDERING IN SEATTLE

DEAR WONDERING: To invite your late classmate's wife would be a caring gesture. She might be touched that you wanted to include her. Send the invitation with a personal note telling her you would welcome seeing her -- but do not be surprised if she chooses not to attend.

P.S. If she doesn't, send her a copy of the program for that evening with recent pictures of his former classmates, and if there's a tribute page, be sure her late husband's name is included on it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the same wonderful man nearly a year now. Although we are not yet engaged, we are headed in that direction and are already discussing wedding plans.

His mother, whom I adore, has offered to make my wedding gown. I am ecstatic at the prospect, but I have a question: Should I offer to pay for the material or just accept this generous gift? -- PRE-ENGAGED IN GULFPORT, MISS.

DEAR PRE-ENGAGED: If your boyfriend's mother is not only embracing you but measuring you for a wedding dress, I'd say you're further along than "pre-"engaged. And what a marvelous gift she is offering. By all means offer to pay for the material -- but I have a strong suspicion that she'll refuse to accept any money. From your description, she is a sweetheart.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for many years to a man who is a good husband and father in many respects. However, he is obsessed with professional sports, especially football. It is affecting our home and social life.

Over the years, "Louie" has punched holes in walls and broken the bones in his hands because he became so angry when his favorite team lost. He also has strong hatred toward rival teams. His arguments with people with opposing opinions have cost him friendships.

His behavior is so annoying and embarrassing the kids and I don't want to be around him on Sundays during games. What's worse is that some of Louie's friends are amused by his tantrums and egg him on, making him even angrier. Fortunately, he never hits anyone.

I don't want a divorce, but I don't want to be around Louie, either. Louie's "problem" makes him unpleasant to be around. When I visit friends and family without him, they wonder if we're separated. If he could shrug off people's comments and realize the outcome of a game shouldn't affect him, we could be happier. What should I do? -- BAD SPORT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR BAD SPORT: It's time you, your children and anyone else who cares at all about your husband stage an intervention and point out to Louie that there are more important things in life than his favorite football team. Chief among them is learning impulse control so he doesn't do further harm to his body and his relationships. It's one thing to feel passion for a sport, but he is creating a situation where he doesn't enjoy it.

What you have described is not normal, or healthy. He has crossed the line and is risking harm to his family, his relationships and his reputation. This is beyond "kooky" -- it's a little bit sick, and the person who needs to step in is you.

DEAR ABBY: I went through a difficult depression during the time I was pregnant with my daughter. As a result, I seriously considered placing her for adoption and kept the pregnancy hidden from friends and co-workers. During my third trimester I took a leave of absence and cut off contact with my friends completely.

Now, two years later, I'm happy to report that I received therapy and treatment for my depression and anxiety. I am living a happy life with my baby girl.

The problem is, I told no one outside my family about my daughter or the situation, even though everyone noticed my abrupt change in behavior. How do I begin to share my story? Will people be able to forgive me for cutting them out of my life during a difficult time? -- BEGINNING AGAIN WITH BABY IN TEXAS

DEAR BEGINNING AGAIN: Because of extreme cases in the news, most of us are familiar with the hormonal imbalance that causes postpartum depression. A condition called pre-partum depression is not as well known, but is also well-documented. I'm pleased you were able to get treatment and resolve yours.

Share your story -- and end your isolation -- by telling your closest friends about your experience. If they are truly friends and care about you, they will embrace and accept you and your daughter and give you the support you need after your illness. And if they don't -- then you will have to accept they are not true friends and go on with your life.

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DEAR ABBY: My mom died of an aneurysm 23 years ago. I was only 7. I occasionally hear an aunt or uncle talk about how much they loved her and miss her.

I moved in with an aunt when I was 5, due to abuse from my father. Two years later, my mom was gone. As kids, my brother and I never received counseling. We bounced from home to home and finally ended up in a stable environment with our grandma.

I usually feel guilty when people talk about my mom because I cannot relate. I tell myself that maybe God sacrificed her so I could have a good life. Sometimes, I feel more anger than love toward her because of the abuse and abandonment.

What am I supposed to feel about her? Can someone love a person they never knew? To be honest, I don't know how to feel about my mother. -- EMOTIONLESS IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR EMOTIONLESS: It is very difficult to love someone you never knew. And from your description of your childhood, your feelings are understandable. However, because those feelings are bothering you and creating guilt, they should be discussed with a licensed professional. If you do, you will gain a better understanding not only of yourself, but also the dynamics in your family. You do not deserve to be carrying around any guilt at all.

DEAR ABBY: When people have a serious illness, their friends and family usually send "Get Well" messages and flowers to the hospital. Unfortunately, it isn't the custom to send supportive greetings and gifts to those who are dealing with psychiatric illnesses. These people deserve all of the attention and good wishes that other patients receive.

Please let it be known that psychiatric illnesses are treatable and recovery is possible. Support in all forms is essential in all patients' progress toward recovering from serious illness of any kind. -- KATHY IN UNIVERSAL CITY, TEXAS

DEAR KATHY: You make a good point. The reason some people may be hesitant to acknowledge someone's mental illness may be the stigma that's still attached to these kinds of problems. For that same reason, there may be a reluctance on the part of the patient's family to reveal there is a problem so serious their family member must be hospitalized.

But you're absolutely right. When people are ill, they need to know they're cared about -- and a card with warm good wishes is a step in the right direction.