DEAR ABBY: When my husband is mad at me, he will recite all the good things he has done for me, but "forgets" all but one or two things I have done for him.

I try to be considerate and caring every single day, and when I can't recite the list of the good things I do, I end up feeling low and unworthy.

Shouldn't kindness be given just because you love and care about someone? Am I wrong to feel bad because I can't summon up at the drop of a hat every little thing I do all the time? Why should I even have to point out these things in the first place? Your opinion would be greatly appreciated. -- IT'S A SHORT LIST

DEAR SHORT LIST: When a person is being berated and adrenaline is rushing through her system, it's not surprising that she isn't capable of a long oration. The instinct is probably to run for cover.

What you have said is right on target. So, please, take a few minutes (or more) while you are calm and make a list of all the good things you do and have done for your spouse. Then make about 100 copies. And when your husband starts that lecture again -- and you know he will -- hand him one.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently established a Facebook account in order to reach out and keep up with her family and friends. I've had an account for a few years, but I am not very active. I asked her to be my "friend," but she refused. She is extremely conscious of her image and claims I might send her something her friends and family could interpret as controversial and damaging to her professional or personal reputation.

What does this say about her feelings toward me? Does she perceive me as a liability? What avenue should I take to find out where I stand with her in the pecking order of importance? -- BLOCKED IN HOUSTON

DEAR BLOCKED: What this says about your wife's feelings is that some of your behavior has embarrassed her in the past, or she is posting something online that she doesn't want you to see. Or, she may be hiding something -- whether it's something she's doing or something she's saying. You two need to work on your communication skills, online and offline.

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of those daughters-in-law who are "unkind" and "ignore" their mothers-in-law. I'm shocked you didn't ask that mother-in-law who wrote you about her daughter-in-law (Feb. 6) why it was happening.

In my case it's because she belittles me, is rude and finds fault with everything I do. An actual complaint she made was that I didn't make enough eye contact with her during a family party. Abby, there were 10 other guests and she was across the room.

When I speak to my mother-in-law, she constantly reinterprets what I say, giving my words her own meaning; then she becomes offended by the meaning she assigned, not what I said. I am her son's wife; I am not a doormat. I'm the mother of her grandkids, and it's not my responsibility to fulfill her emotional need to feel important.

A healthy relationship is a two-way street, whether it's between spouses, parents and children or daughters-in-law with their mothers-in-law. -- DISGUSTED DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR DISGUSTED: There are often two sides to every story, and I'm sorry your relationship with your mother-in-law is such a poor one. Thank you for writing and sharing the other side.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of a U.S. Navy sailor who has been the recipient of random acts of kindness from complete strangers. I was most affected personally when a woman stopped us in a large parking garage in Chicago to say, "Thank you for your service, young man." And there was a stranger who paid for my son's meal in an airport when he had a layover on his way home for Christmas. Another time, we were in a line to see a movie and the attendant waved us to the front of the line -- and everyone smiled about it.

Whenever my son goes anywhere in uniform, he's stopped by people who just want to say thank you.

I'm amazed and thrilled. Part of the reason I am so touched is I was a teenager living in San Diego during the Vietnam era. At that time, young people in the military were cursed and reviled. It was a shameful time in our history when people serving their country could not be proud of their service. Today, I am proud of my son, and he is able to be proud of himself and his decision to enlist in the Navy.

So, thank you to all you folks who show your gratitude to our service members by the little things you do. You not only touch that person, but their extended family as well. -- PROUD MOM IN OVERLAND PARK, KAN.

DEAR PROUD MOM: I'm pleased to pass along your sentiments -- and honored you chose me to be the messenger. All of us owe our thanks and support to those brave young men and women who have dedicated themselves -- and who risk their lives -- in service to our country. Not only should we thank them when we see them, but we should also pray for their safe return.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a large department store attached to a shopping mall. Because many of the stores have no restrooms, customers come into our store to use the facilities. I'm happy they do because it gives us more business. However, I'm confused by some of the patrons.

I think it shows good manners to end a cell phone call when visiting a restroom. While I was in there today, a woman entered the stall next to me and continued talking on her phone the entire time she was in there! It's disgusting, but it happens all the time. I'm uncomfortable using the restroom while someone is on the phone, and I'd be very offended if I was on the other end of the line.

What's proper etiquette regarding cell phones in public restrooms? Is there anything I could say to someone who does this? -- TRYING TO DO MY BUSINESS

DEAR TRYING: Your complaint is one I'm hearing increasingly often. For your safety, I do not advise correcting the manners of a stranger. While common sense and consideration for others (including the person on the other end of the line as well as the occupant of the next stall) would dictate conversation be put on hold while on the toilet, nothing you or I can do will prevent this invasion of personal privacy -- short of bringing a loud whoopee cushion with you during breaks and squeezing it in self-defense.

P.S. If you think we have it bad in the ladies' room, I have also heard about men talking on their cell phones while standing at the urinals. Heaven help us.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ran into "Grace," who was a dear friend back in elementary school. Back then my parents helped her mother flee and divorce her abusive husband. At age 12 we lost touch because Grace moved to another school and joined a "bad crowd."

Eighteen years later I was happy to see her again, and gave her my phone number. I have the feeling something is a bit "off" about Grace now. She has called me repeatedly and in her messages she sounds nervous and stumbles over her words. When I called her back, she told me she was in a serious car accident nine years ago and hasn't held a job since. The entire conversation was strange, and my gut is telling me Grace has a drug problem.

She has asked me to lunch to "catch up." I'm a stay-at-home mom and not comfortable meeting her in person, especially with my kids. I feel guilty for not wanting to see someone I was so close to when I was young, and for assuming she has a drug problem.

Am I wrong in making this assumption? Should I stop returning her calls and ignore her, or should I see her to make a determination? -- ALL GROWN UP IN VEGAS

DEAR ALL GROWN UP: You are wrong to prejudge the woman. While it's possible Grace has a drug problem, it is also possible that the car accident left her with an injury that has affected her speech. See her without your children and make a determination.

If she is impaired because of injury, would that make a difference in how you feel about her? Your lives have gone in different directions. She appears to be needy. With your responsibilities as a parent, how much time and effort would you be able to devote to her? Only you can answer these questions. But to take the coward's way out and ignore her would be cruel.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old single mom who is just getting back into the dating scene after being divorced for a year and a half. There is a guy, "Hank," I'm interested in getting to know better. We both have kids who go to the same high school. We have gone to several out-of-town football games with our kids and have texted each other often.

What's bothering me is Hank has never asked me on a one-on-one date. Should I ask him, or should I wait for him to make the first move? I don't want to appear desperate, but I really would like to get closer. -- STEPPING BACK INTO THE SCENE

DEAR STEPPING BACK: I wish you had given me a little more information about Hank -- such as why he's raising his children alone and for how long, and whether he dates at all. However, I don't think it would be overly aggressive to say (casually) to him, "You know, we never get a chance to talk one-on-one, and I'd like to get to know you better. Why don't we have dinner one night?" It's not an obvious proposition, and if he's at all interested he'll agree.

DEAR READERS: To those of you living where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this gentle reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour at bedtime tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow, and you know what that means -- spring is on the way!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)