DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old gay man. On New Year's Eve, there was a block party on the street I live on. My neighbors, "Tim" and "Marie," are a good-looking 30-ish couple.

I was watching the fireworks when Marie sat down next to me and said, "Tim and I would like to get to know you better. How about we drop by for drinks some night after we put the kids to bed?" She said this while stroking my upper thigh with her hand.

I find the idea of being intimate with her husband appealing, but I have never "been with" a woman and I don't think I want to be. It seems to me the most prudent approach would be to pass on this opportunity, but how do I do it without offending or causing embarrassment for one of my neighbors? -- CAUGHT IN THE FIREWORKS, HOUSTON

DEAR CAUGHT: Does this neighbor know your sexual orientation? If the answer is no, just thank her and tell her you're not into threesomes. Because it has taken you so long to give her an answer, she probably won't be surprised that a liaison is not your cup of tea. However, if she does know, tell her with a wink: "Thanks for the offer -- I'm not into threesomes. But you can send Tim over anytime."

DEAR ABBY: After 30 years of marriage, my husband is more interested in watching politics on TV than interacting with me. We are, by mutual consent, no longer intimate -- but he totally ignores me. He will talk to anyone who looks his way, but he doesn't talk to me.

His idea of doing something together is driving around the countryside for four hours looking at the scenery. He'll lie on the couch and watch TV or read while I'm a few feet away and not say more than a dozen words to me all day.

I can't do this much longer. What do you suggest? -- NEGLECTED WIFE IN GREENVILLE, S.C.

DEAR NEGLECTED WIFE: Perhaps you should spend less time with your husband. Couples who spend a lot of time together can find conversation difficult because they have nothing fresh to bring to it.

Do some things with female friends so you won't feel so shut in and isolated. This way you will have more experiences you can discuss. Also schedule some diversions you can enjoy together that don't involve conversation. How about a movie or a play, or a volunteer activity you can both be involved in? If this doesn't help, then consider counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand why people need others to take sides in an argument. If someone is upset and wants to cut someone out of his/her life, why does that person expect family and friends to do the same -- even if the disagreement had nothing to do with them? Some of them lie to force the issue. I just don't understand -- especially because we're talking about adults. -- PUZZLED IN COON RAPIDS, MINN.

DEAR PUZZLED: They do it to punish (and isolate) the person they're mad at. However, if you make plain to the manipulator -- because that's what the person is -- that you will not be dragged into the middle of something that's not your business, you'll be better off.

P.S. What makes you think that all adults act like adults? Surely I'm not the only person who has seen a grown-up behave like a 5-year-old.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 9-year-old son's friend "Isaac" was over for a visit. He was captivated by our Labrador retriever, "Layla," who is very loving. Isaac doesn't have a dog, so he wanted to play with Layla. At one point, I overheard him say to my son, "Look, I'm riding your dog!" I immediately intervened, but I was too late.

A day or so later, Layla was unable to descend our stairway and was clearly in pain. She has been on pain medication for three weeks and is growing progressively worse. The next step is to get X-rays and/or an MRI to see if she has a spinal injury, and then determine her treatment. It's possible the damage is irreversible.

My wife and I are extremely upset about this, but we're afraid to tell our son or Isaac and his parents for fear it will place undue guilt on a 9-year-old boy. On the flip side, I wouldn't want him to do this to anyone else's beloved pet. How do you recommend we proceed? -- HEARTBROKEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Children are not mind-readers. If you don't tell them when they make a mistake, they won't realize they have made one. Contact Isaac's parents and explain what happened. If your dog needs treatment, they should be responsible for whatever damage their son did.

DEAR ABBY: The other day I was with a friend who is a bit overweight. We were trying on clothes in one of the stores. She grabbed a shirt she was sure she could fit into, but when she tried it on, it ripped. She had to pay for it.

On the ride home my friend asked me, "Am I fat?" I was at a loss, so I told her no. What should I have done? I feel horrible for lying, but I didn't know what else to do. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST FOR WORDS: You could have replied, "What size was the shirt?" And when she answered, you should have said, "I guess you're a size or two larger." It would have been more tactful than saying she was fat, and gotten the point across.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I recently attended the funeral of a friend's father. During the sermon I noticed tears in our friend's eyes and offered her my handkerchief. On the way home, this sparked a conversation about the obligation of a person who receives a handkerchief. Should it be returned after the event, or should it first be laundered? Or is it considered a gift, not to be returned at all?

Later that evening at a movie, I noticed a woman hand someone her handkerchief saying, "It's monogrammed. It was my mother's." No mention was made of a request that it be returned. I'm sure most people wouldn't mind letting go of a standard handkerchief, but one with sentimental value would be different, wouldn't it? What do you suggest? -- REAL MEN CARRY HANDKERCHIEFS

DEAR REAL MAN: You were chivalrous to offer your handkerchief to the grieving daughter. Had it merely been used to dab away a tear, it could have been returned to you at the end of the service. If, however, there was makeup on it -- or the dab was followed by a swipe of her nose -- the woman should have held onto it, laundered it and returned it to you in the presumably pristine condition it was in when you gave it to her.

As to the monogrammed (heirloom) hanky you saw lent in the theater, when the woman explained its significance to her friend, that was the tip-off that she expected it to be returned.

DEAR ABBY: Like many other young adults, I was too busy establishing a career during my 20s and early 30s to care much about diet and exercise. I felt healthy, so I saw no need to change my lifestyle. My doctor had told me my blood pressure was elevated during a number of my yearly physical exams, but I didn't ask any questions and took no action.

Then one morning, I walked into my doctor's office complaining of a severe headache and nausea. I was sent to the hospital with a dangerously high blood pressure reading. After just a few tests, I was told I had chronic kidney disease (CKD).

Even though it can be silent and cause no symptoms, high blood pressure should not be ignored. It is a leading cause of kidney disease, and because I didn't pay attention, my kidneys began to shut down. Abby, please tell your readers who are at risk for chronic kidney disease (and that's anyone with high blood pressure, diabetes or a family history of CKD) to check how their kidneys are functioning. I found out -- too late -- how important it is. -- AZIZA M., NEW YORK CITY

DEAR AZIZA: Of course I will pass on your warning. According to the National Kidney Foundation, more than 26 million adults and thousands of American children have chronic kidney disease -- and most of them don't know they have it. In addition, millions of people who have diabetes, hypertension and other diseases are unaware that they too are at risk for developing it.

Readers, March 10 is World Kidney Day. The National Kidney Foundation (NKF) is offering free screenings during the month of March through the Kidney Early Evaluation Program in cities and towns around the country. With more than 50 local offices nationwide, the NKF provides early detection screenings and other vital patient and community services. To find a screening near you, visit www.kidney.org.

DEAR ABBY: One day, after dropping my son "Wyatt" off at day care, I looked back and saw an older kid push him and take away my son's toy. I was furious. What happened next restored my faith and softened my heart. A little girl walked over, handed Wyatt the toy she had been playing with and patted him on the head! I was very moved that someone so young understood compassion and was willing to give up something she enjoyed so my son wouldn't be upset.

Abby, please remind your readers that the littlest gesture can change someone's life. I'm glad I stopped to take another look at my son that day. I can't thank that little girl enough. -- THANKFUL FOR LITTLE ONES, LEMAY, MO.

DEAR THANKFUL: I'm glad you stopped for that second look, too. You are absolutely right that the smallest gesture can change someone's life -- and that statement applies to people of every age and from every walk of life. There are angels among us, and you saw one of the littlest.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)