DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old woman. I was recently contacted by the boyfriend I had when I was in my 20s. "Byron" was the love of my life, but I foolishly broke up with him. I then married a bum and had a child I am raising by myself on a very limited income.

I live in an apartment with mismatched furniture and have no money in savings. My former flame has done well and is now married with three children. I sent him a letter telling him how proud I am of him and of what he has achieved. His reply has brought back a flood of memories, and I feel terrible about where I am and being alone. How can I get over this? -- BYRON'S LONG-AGO EX

DEAR EX: If you want more frustration and heartbreak, continue swimming in your flood of memories. Keep in mind that you dumped Byron "foolishly," and use that life lesson to guide you going forward. Because you are alone now does not mean you'll be alone forever.

Living in an apartment with mismatched furniture does not mean your circumstances can't or won't improve. The answer to your question is to stay focused on the opportunities in front of you rather than looking over your shoulder. That's how you get over this.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a serious difference of opinion, and I'd like your input.

I am of Indian (Asian, not Native American) origin, and I would like our children to have Indian names because I think they are more unique and prettier.

My husband, who is American, contends they are often difficult to spell and pronounce, and moreover, since we're an "American" family, we ought to chose American names. I disagree.

One of the names he would like to give, I particularly dislike. He says it was his grandfather's name and he would like to carry it on. We don't have kids yet -- and at this rate we're not likely to anytime soon. What do you think about this stalemate? -- CONTEMPLATING PARENTHOOD

DEAR CONTEMPLATING: I think the two of you should compromise. Give the children American first names and Indian middle names. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I was with my boyfriend for two years when he left me for another woman. She was a lunatic who was possessive and jealous, not to mention desperate.

After a while, he realized what he had with me and wanted to come back. Because I still loved him, I gave him another chance.

Abby, she hasn't stopped calling him! She parks in his driveway overnight. She refuses to take no for an answer, although he stopped having anything to do with her.

Now for the kicker: For his birthday, she bought them both a trip to a Caribbean island -- and he accepted! He said he was going only for the trip, but I'm here and he is there with her now. What should I do? -- WEEPING IN WINNIPEG

DEAR WEEPING: Send him on another trip -- a one-way trip out of your life once and for all. Your boyfriend is an opportunist, and you deserve better.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in high school and will graduate next year. I attend a private school where I have made many good friends -- teachers included -- and have created many happy memories.

I have just been hit with the realization that my time in high school is running out. Once I leave for college, I may never see or talk to my friends here again. I can't process the thought of having such great friends and mentors and losing them. I'm afraid for the future and how I will miss everything I've experienced at my school.

Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with all this? I can barely sleep because I feel like it's only going to get worse. -- LEAVING IT ALL BEHIND IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LEAVING IT ALL BEHIND: You have the rest of your junior year and senior year of high school to enjoy. Please don't cloud them by worrying that you will lose touch with your friends and mentors. Once you graduate, you will have the Internet and social networking sites to keep you in touch, and you can see each other during vacations.

You have great adventures ahead of you -- and so do they. True friendships don't have to end because of distance. While some of them may, others last a lifetime. And those are the ones that count.

DEAR ABBY: I have no contact with my mother for many reasons. It was difficult to sever the relationship, but after my son was born -- for his safety and well-being -- I felt I had no choice.

My mother has seen my son once, when he was 6 months old. She had just been released from jail and arrived at my home stoned and out of it. I made sure she found a safe way home and haven't spoken to her since.

My son will be 3 soon. Yesterday we were talking about families and he asked, "You don't have a mommy?" I replied, "Yes, I do. Her name is Cindy." Thankfully, he left it at that. But it started me thinking about what I should say when he asks me questions about his grandmother. I had planned on talking to him when he was older because addictions can run in families, and I want him to be aware of it when making choices in his teen and later years. What do you tell a 3-year-old who wonders who his grandma is? -- OUT OF ANSWERS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR OUT OF ANSWERS: You have already started the dialogue. When your son wants to know why Grandma Cindy doesn't visit, that will be the time you tell him she can't be around because she's sick and isn't able to be. As your son grows older, continue to answer his questions honestly and in an age-appropriate way.

DEAR ABBY: When we are in a restaurant eating a meal and someone we know comes by our table, he or she always reaches out to shake hands with me to be friendly. I am from the country and sometimes I pick up chicken strips, French fries, fish or hush puppies to eat them -- naturally my fingers get grease on them. Also, I don't know whether that person has washed his or her hands or not. So, what's a polite way to refuse to shake with someone? I don't want to be rude. I try not to bother people when they're eating because I believe that is a private time. -- ARKANSAS DINER

DEAR DINER: All you have to say is, "I'd love to shake hands, but mine are greasy." That's not rude; it's considerate -- and the person will probably thank you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about my friend "Nyla." She's 15 and pregnant. Nyla and her family are happy about it! As her friend, I'm not. I think she should have waited.

I keep telling her that her life is ruined and she'll regret having a baby this early, but she doesn't listen. It would be better if she had help, but she doesn't. Nyla's family is poor.

Now she is angry with me because of what I keep telling her. What can I do to help her understand me, and not get mad when I tell her something? -- VIRGINIA TEEN

DEAR VIRGINIA TEEN: If you want Nyla to "understand" you, quit lecturing her because it's only making her defensive. Defensive people don't listen. How any family, rich or poor, could be "happy" about the pregnancy of an unwed 15-year-old is beyond me. But your friend is pregnant and she's keeping the baby.

So be a real friend and encourage her to finish high school so she can prepare herself for a job that will enable her to support her little one. If she completes her education, the chances are better that her child will, too. But if she doesn't, the reverse is also true, and the repercussions will go on for another generation.

DEAR ABBY: I need help. When we started dating, my (now) husband told me he didn't care about past relationships because "the past is the past and it's over." Now he has begun grilling me about every boyfriend I've ever had, demanding details about every aspect of the relationships, physical, emotional -- whatever.

He makes snide remarks and asks if I would like him to track them down and if I'd like to sleep with them again. At first, I thought he was joking, but it has escalated to text messages and threats of divorce if I don't tell him everything he wants to know. I have been sick to my stomach the last few days, and I think this fits the definition of emotional abuse. I don't know whether to suggest counseling or just tell him to go.

He was wonderful when we first got together, but now he says marrying me was just a ruse to get sex. What can I do? I miss the person he used to be. He has always seemed concerned that I would eventually cheat on him, although I have given him no reason to think so and have assured him repeatedly that I want only him. Why is this happening? -- SICK TO MY STOMACH IN OHIO

DEAR SICK TO YOUR STOMACH: It's because you didn't really know the man you married. The way he presented himself was, in his words, "all a ruse" to convince you to marry him "to get sex." He appears to have increasing anxiety about how he measures up to your past lovers.

Harassing you for details and threatening to contact them is, frankly, sick behavior. He needs counseling, and unless he seeks it immediately you should get out of there. If you stay, the emotional abuse could escalate to physical abuse. To ensure your safety, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233 and discuss this with a trained counselor.

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