DEAR ABBY: I'm concerned about my friend "Nyla." She's 15 and pregnant. Nyla and her family are happy about it! As her friend, I'm not. I think she should have waited.

I keep telling her that her life is ruined and she'll regret having a baby this early, but she doesn't listen. It would be better if she had help, but she doesn't. Nyla's family is poor.

Now she is angry with me because of what I keep telling her. What can I do to help her understand me, and not get mad when I tell her something? -- VIRGINIA TEEN

DEAR VIRGINIA TEEN: If you want Nyla to "understand" you, quit lecturing her because it's only making her defensive. Defensive people don't listen. How any family, rich or poor, could be "happy" about the pregnancy of an unwed 15-year-old is beyond me. But your friend is pregnant and she's keeping the baby.

So be a real friend and encourage her to finish high school so she can prepare herself for a job that will enable her to support her little one. If she completes her education, the chances are better that her child will, too. But if she doesn't, the reverse is also true, and the repercussions will go on for another generation.

DEAR ABBY: I need help. When we started dating, my (now) husband told me he didn't care about past relationships because "the past is the past and it's over." Now he has begun grilling me about every boyfriend I've ever had, demanding details about every aspect of the relationships, physical, emotional -- whatever.

He makes snide remarks and asks if I would like him to track them down and if I'd like to sleep with them again. At first, I thought he was joking, but it has escalated to text messages and threats of divorce if I don't tell him everything he wants to know. I have been sick to my stomach the last few days, and I think this fits the definition of emotional abuse. I don't know whether to suggest counseling or just tell him to go.

He was wonderful when we first got together, but now he says marrying me was just a ruse to get sex. What can I do? I miss the person he used to be. He has always seemed concerned that I would eventually cheat on him, although I have given him no reason to think so and have assured him repeatedly that I want only him. Why is this happening? -- SICK TO MY STOMACH IN OHIO

DEAR SICK TO YOUR STOMACH: It's because you didn't really know the man you married. The way he presented himself was, in his words, "all a ruse" to convince you to marry him "to get sex." He appears to have increasing anxiety about how he measures up to your past lovers.

Harassing you for details and threatening to contact them is, frankly, sick behavior. He needs counseling, and unless he seeks it immediately you should get out of there. If you stay, the emotional abuse could escalate to physical abuse. To ensure your safety, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800) 799-7233 and discuss this with a trained counselor.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for printing the letter from the woman who paid for her neighbor's children's school lunch bill. "Lending a Hand in the Midwest" (Jan. 10) was angry to discover they didn't qualify for free lunches because "their parents were just a couple of dollars over the limit." To top it off, the children's father is doing his second tour in Afghanistan.

Because you encouraged your readers to contact local schools to give a few dollars to a child in need of a meal, it inspired me to speak to the principal in our district. Not only did the principal like my fundraising idea, he has allowed me time on campus to promote the fundraiser.

Twenty-seven students will be joining me after school in making lollipops to sell at an upcoming event. Local businesses and individuals have donated most of the supplies necessary to make this a successful drive to help the children in need. Our goal is to raise $1,000 for this cause.

I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to "Lending" for sharing a great idea. -- HAPPILY PAYING IT FORWARD IN HAWAII

DEAR HAPPILY: Thank you for spreading the message. "Lending's" generous act of kindness elicited many interesting and thought-provoking responses. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a member of the Veterans of Foreign Wars, the Vietnam Veterans of America, the American Legion and the American Legion Riders Association. One of the main functions of our organizations is to help our veterans and their families in any way we can. You would be amazed at the monies and help expended to our veterans, soldiers and their families that doesn't make the news because being "needy" is perceived as some kind of fault.

To respond to a need, we must know about it. Abby, please tell your readers if there is a problem, contact your local VFW, American Legion, AmVets, etc. and we will respond. -- FRANK IN BURLINGTON, WIS.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently serving in the military and have never thought to donate to school lunches. I'm happy knowing people are watching out for the troops' kids. As soon as I return home from Iraq, I will make the call to see where I can help. -- AIRMAN WHO HAS BEEN THERE

DEAR ABBY: A lot of families are in the same situation. We have three kids and are $8 over the "allowed financial amount." What's not taken into consideration is the $100 my husband pays for Internet each month he's serving in Afghanistan so our 8-year-old son with Asperger's can "see" his daddy. This lessens the anxiety, compounded by his dad's deployment, that is associated with his autism. God bless "Lending a Hand" for her gift to that family. -- ABBIE IN RINEYVILLE, KY.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a public school. The administrators and the school nurse have daily contact with "kids in need" who could benefit enormously from small donations. I encourage people to contact their local schools and inquire about donating new clothes and/or toiletries to a child in need. The child's identity will not be revealed, but sizes and current clothing trends can be provided, and the donor will have the satisfaction of knowing the donation is helping a child "fit in" and will make a huge difference in that child's self-esteem. -- MARCIA IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: My son's homework was to find three living heroes in today's world. I showed him the letter from "Lending a Hand" and told him the writer is a perfect example of a hero. Giving of oneself is a lesson I'm trying to teach my son so lending a helping hand will be second nature to him. -- MELISSA IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who, after nearly 25 years, is back on the dating scene. Those years were spent in a same-sex relationship. I just happened to fall in love with a woman. I have custody of our child from the union.

I do not put a label on my sexual orientation. I would like to meet a nice man and pursue a new relationship. How do I let interested parties know about my past? Being back in the dating world is difficult enough without having to explain an unusual history. -- BACK IN THE GAME IN ARIZONA

DEAR BACK IN THE GAME: The subject of where you have been for the last 25 years is bound to come up early in a relationship -- or even before there's a relationship. My advice is to just be honest. And may I be frank? Some men will find the idea that you were with another woman titillating, while others may even find it a challenge. So don't jump into anything too quickly.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a certified massage therapist who attended a reputable massage therapy school. I worked hard for my certification because my goal is to relieve people of chronic pain issues.

When I'm asked what I do for a living, men start making jokes that imply I'm the type of masseuse who massages naked men for their sexual pleasure. I find this more than a little insulting. They think they're being funny, but I don't!

How can I discourage these innuendos? Should I ignore them and hope they get the point from the expression on my face? -- OFFENDED THERAPIST IN MICHIGAN

DEAR OFFENDED: When someone makes an offensive comment, I see nothing wrong in letting that person know he has "rubbed" you the wrong way. Tell him you studied hard to be in a healing profession -- that the innuendo is insulting and not funny, and you're not "that kind" of girl. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My hubby is a smoker. He was one when we married. He promised he'd quit before our wedding; it didn't happen. When I became pregnant, he promised again he would stop. Didn't happen.

Our son is now 2 years old and "Tom" still sneaks out to smoke, and I am sure he does at work, too. His mother passed a year ago from cancer -- she was a longtime smoker, and his father has now been diagnosed with cancer. (He's a longtime smoker, too.)

I am terrified for Tom and our family. What can I do other than threaten, cry, etc. to get him to stop? -- KELLY IN TEXAS

DEAR KELLY: You're right to be worried and you have my sympathy. Smoking cessation programs are available through the American Cancer Society, but work only if the smoker is willing to avail himself. Nothing you can do will "make" your husband give up tobacco. He has been nicotine-saturated from birth. Smoking is the most preventable cause of death in the U.S. If the fact that both his parents were diagnosed with cancer -- probably from smoking -- hasn't convinced him to stop, frankly, nothing will.

You can protect your son by insisting that Tom not smoke in the boy's presence -- and when he's old enough, that he understands that his father has an addiction and cannot stop, as a warning not to start. Then pray the "family tradition" isn't passed down yet again.