DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Betsy" for more than three years. For the most part, we get along well, laugh a lot, and have a good relationship.

However, Betsy has an awful temper. She gets angry easily and becomes verbally abusive, saying ugly, hateful things that hurt me deeply. I never know what tiny thing will set her off. Although she usually apologizes later, I still feel the hurt she inflicted on me during her rage.

Abby, I'm in a quandary. I love Betsy very much and am normally happy with her. But these abusive rants are beginning to take a toll on me and on our relationship.

How do you know when it's time to leave someone -- especially when you still love that person? -- TIRED OF THE TIRADES IN TEMECULA, CALIF.

DEAR TIRED: You and Betsy are overdue for a serious talk. She may have emotional problems -- or she may simply be verbally abusive. Give her a choice: Seek help for her problem or the two of you are history. No one has a right to do to someone what she's doing to you. Unless the problem is resolved, this is the atmosphere in which your children will grow up if you should marry her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl. I go to a private school where everyone gets really nice cars for their 16th birthday. I have a 2001 compact economy car. It's nothing compared to the cars my peers get. I know if I start to drive this car when I turn 16, people will make fun of me -- behind my back and to my face. I don't want to be seen in it.

I know I should be thankful I have a car at all, but it's hard when you know you'll be made fun of mercilessly. I told my parents that I don't want to get my license because of this problem, but I really do want it. I think the reason they're not getting me another car is because of financial difficulties, so it would be unfair of me to ask for a different one.

Should I deal with the car I have and put up with the kidding, or wait two or three years to get my driver's license? -- DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR DRIVING YOURSELF CRAZY: You need to grow up. You're crying poverty with a loaf of bread under both arms. You attend a private school, which isn't cheap, and your parents have given you a car. Be grateful for what you have; most teens are not so lucky. Or consider getting a job so you can start saving for an auto upgrade.

DEAR ABBY: When I go to someone's home for dinner, I often take a dessert or beverage for everyone to enjoy, being careful not to "outdo" my host. I would never, for example, bring an entree.

I recently met a young lady who always brings not only an entree, but also a side and one or two desserts to our host's home, and this seems to be causing a bit of tension with our host. Am I wrong in believing this young lady is being rude? -- A GOOD GUEST IN TEXAS

DEAR GOOD GUEST: When invited to someone's home for dinner, it is appropriate to ask, "May I bring something?" If the answer is yes, then you should bring what the host asks for. If the answer is "Just bring yourself," it is considered good manners to bring a small gift such as candy, an assortment of nuts or a bottle of wine if you know your hosts imbibe.

It is not appropriate to bring an entree, sides or a dessert that has not been requested. Are you sure the young lady you mentioned wasn't asked to do what she did?

DEAR ABBY: I am a very conservative woman. I don't drink, dance, wear makeup or pants. I enjoy the company of friends despite our differences and thought they enjoyed mine.

On our most recent outing, however, they mocked my religious jewelry, commented on my "lack of fashion," and made me feel guilty for not wanting to stay out late.

Despite this, they are great friends and would help me at the drop of a hat. I don't bring up their being overweight, or that I think some of the clothes they wear are ugly. I don't criticize them for sleeping around. I wish they would accept me for who I am.

I am considering not going out with them the next time they ask, but I don't really want it to come to that. Any suggestions? -- JUST AN OLD-FASHIONED GIRL

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Just this: It's time for you to start cultivating relationships with people whose values are more like your own. The friends you have described may be lovely, but their comments were out of line and folks are known by the company they keep. If you spend a lot of time with the women you have described, people will begin to make assumptions about YOU.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my children, ages 28 and 30 and college-educated, have what they call "bill paying anxiety." It doesn't matter if they have the money or not, they find it difficult to pay their bills. They have both lost their licenses for not paying traffic tickets, but that hasn't taught either one of them a lesson. Any advice on how to help them? -- ANXIOUS MOM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MOM: How long have those two been out from under your roof? Did you pay all their expenses until recently? Your "children" aren't children anymore. They have reached an age when they must now learn from their mistakes. When they're ready to assume responsibility for their actions, they'll do what other adults who are in this kind of hot water do: They will seek financial or psychological counseling and recognize that acting like ostriches will not fix their problems, and neither will Mama.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old daughter, "Evy," is falling to the rocky bottom. She has taken advantage of everyone in our family. She thinks she's the victim instead of realizing she is the problem.

She's planning to marry "Dave," a man she has known for only six months. She refuses to consider his past criminal record of domestic abuse. Abby, this man has several children, one of whom he does not acknowledge.

Am I wrong to be involved in this wedding? I feel it would be a mistake to be "supportive" when I'm totally against it. Dave has pushed her already, and I know what lies ahead for her if she goes through with this marriage. Also, her behavior has changed drastically since she has been involved with him. -- TO BE OR NOT TO BE ... THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

DEAR T.B. OR N.T.B.: You will always be your daughter's mother, but you don't have to bless this marriage with your presence. Some people have to learn their lessons the hard way, and your daughter appears to be one of them. She needs to understand that while you do not approve of Dave, you love her. Keep the lines of communication open because she is going to need you in the future.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My family was invited to my cousin "Kirk's" wedding -- a small affair for family and close friends only.

My brother "Ryan" and his wife, "Dawn," decided to schedule their daughter's first birthday party on the same day and not attend the wedding. The birthday party was at 4; the wedding at 6. The locations were an hour apart. We attended the birthday celebration and left early to get to the wedding on time, as did Mom and Dad.

As a gift, we chipped in to get Kirk and his bride, "Kallie," an upgrade on their cruise cabin. They loved it. Ryan and Dawn contributed as well. The bridal couple asked that, since Ryan and Dawn didn't attend, I thank them -- although they planned to send written formal thank-yous after their honeymoon. I called Ryan the next day to tell him Kirk and Kallie were appreciative, the wedding and reception were beautiful, and they were missed.

Six weeks have passed and my brother and sister-in-law refuse to speak to me. I learned they felt the phone call I placed after the wedding was "inappropriate." I was "throwing the wedding in their faces" and "had no right" to leave the birthday party. I apologized, but they still won't talk to me, though they're speaking to our parents. Ryan and I were inseparable as kids, but now what? -- HURT SIBLING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HURT SIBLING: Unless there is more to the estrangement than what you have written, the problem could be that your brother has displaced his anger at your parents for not staying at the birthday party and directed it solely at you because it's "safer." Is it wrong? Yes. Childish? Yes. Can you do anything more than you already have to fix it? Probably not.

Your parents might take a moment to remind Ryan that they also left to attend the wedding, and that it would have been better to schedule the festivities earlier so that everyone could have stayed longer. But if Ryan and Dawn choose to hold a grudge, nothing you can do will change that until they're ready to let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Mimi" died two years ago. Throughout her 40-year marriage she and her husband lived away from family and barely kept in touch, although we were close while growing up. Since her death, my husband and I have tried to keep in touch with her husband, "Clint."

The problem is, when I call him, all he talks about is the past, when we were all in school. That's OK, but it invariably has some kind of sexual overtone -- about what I wore or did as a teen. I have tried redirecting the conversation to Mimi -- anything -- to no avail.

Now I'm wondering if my sister kept Clint away from the family for a reason. He was always like this to a degree, but it was under more control when she was alive.

What do I do when the conversation heads in this direction? I don't want to lose contact with him and their children. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: The next time it happens, tell Clint in plain English that he's making you uncomfortable and tell him to quit dwelling on the past because it's boring. If that doesn't discourage him, call him only with your husband on another extension.

And as to staying in contact with your sister's children -- if their parents were married for 40 years, they are adults now. Contact them directly and let them know you care about them and want them to be a part of your lives because you are all family.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)