DEAR ABBY: This is difficult to write. My sister reads her children's text messages after they're asleep. She bragged to me about how popular her daughter "Naomi" -- my 14-year-old niece -- is because she's giving oral sex to the boys.

My sister claims Naomi isn't "having sex," so she thinks it's OK! I am shocked by her ignorance and terrified knowing that Naomi is putting herself at risk for STDs. My husband says if I confront Naomi it will drive her away, but I can't remain silent and watch my niece ruin her life. What's the point of reading your children's text messages if you're unwilling to stand up and be a parent? What can I do? -- TERRIFIED FOR MY NIECE IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR TERRIFIED: Your sister's parenting skills are appalling. Her daughter isn't "popular"; she is promiscuous -- and her mother is allowing it. Do your niece a favor and talk to her, because oral sex is sex, and she is putting herself at risk for a number of sexually transmitted diseases.

The Sexuality Information and Education Council has a wealth of information resources and tools for addressing this important subject. Its website, �HYPERLINK www.familiesaretalking.org ��www.familiesaretalking.org�, helps with discussing sexuality-related issues and provides information for young people, parents and caregivers.

Other reliable resources include Planned Parenthood's �HYPERLINK www.teen-wire.com ��www.teenwire.com� and the American Social Health Association website, �HYPERLINK www.iwannaknow.org ��www.iwannaknow.org�, which is also a safe place for teens to learn about sexual health.

DEAR ABBY: I was raised a Christian, but now that I am older I am questioning my faith. I consider myself an agnostic, borderline atheist.

The problem is I am married and a father. I want to raise my children to be open-minded and tolerant, but I don't know how I should go about it. How do I answer the question, "Is there a God?" when I myself am not sure? Have you any advice on the subject? -- AGNOSTIC DAD IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR AGNOSTIC DAD: Many deeply spiritual people are agnostic. The way to raise open-minded, tolerant children is to talk to them about your values and model that behavior for them. Parents convey their values verbally and by demonstrating them. As to the question, "Is there a God?" you and your wife should discuss that question in advance so she can have some input and you can handle this together.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is eight weeks pregnant. The problem is, she carries the gene for cystic fibrosis. One of her siblings is a carrier and another has multiple sclerosis. I advised my son that it didn't seem to be a good idea to get pregnant, but they both appear unconcerned about the repercussions.

Should I mind my own business and hope for the best? Or should I be worried about the future health of their expected child? -- WORRIED GRAMMA-TO-BE

DEAR WORRIED: As a loving grandparent, you will always be concerned about your grandchildren's welfare. What you should do is suggest that your son and daughter-in-law discuss their family medical histories with her OB/GYN and take their lead from the doctor. (If they haven't already done so.)

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to respond to the column about obesity in the United States (Dec. 27). Why has obesity in the U.S. become the "elephant in the room," off-limits to discuss? Obesity is a serious health problem and should be talked about. Obese people need to understand the potential dangers of their condition, just as smokers do.

I was berated by my family, friends and the media for being a smoker. Did I disown them all? No, I sucked it up and quit. Overweight people should take control of their lives, and people like you, Abby, should stop coddling them! -- PETER IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR PETER: Ouch! Many readers also felt I should eat my words -- including health care professionals. Read on for more insights:

DEAR ABBY: As a public health nutritionist, I would like to bring another perspective to "Brother Black Sheep," whose sister banned him from family events because he mentioned the obesity epidemic. Because obesity has far-reaching implications for our children, our future and our economy, it is well worth talking about.

Declaring the topic off-limits won't make it go away. Researchers at Stanford University have found that more than 40 percent of parents of obese children described them as "about the right weight." Another study showed that only 30 percent of pediatricians addressed weight issues with their patients. Those who did were more likely to see positive changes in their patients' nutrition and activity habits.

Tact is, of course, important, and it appears "Brother" could use some help in that department. Acknowledging the difficulty of maintaining a healthy weight when we are surrounded by hyper-palatable foods and live in an environment that discourages activity is a good conversation starter. Using the phrase "high BMI" (Body Mass Index) is better received than the word "fat." Hopefully, families can learn to talk productively about how to support each other to eat right and stay active instead of banning the subject. -- ANITA COURTNEY, M.S., R.D.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a fourth-year medical student, and you wouldn't believe the number of patients we see who don't believe they have a weight problem, or who think they're "slightly overweight" when they're actually morbidly obese. A main reason for weight gain is that most Americans have no concept of portion control and healthy eating habits.

Many people would prefer a magic pill instead of attempting difficult behavioral changes. While weight is obviously a sensitive topic for many individuals, and "Brother" was mistaken in assuming it would be acceptable dinnertime conversation, ignoring the topic is what got us into this epidemic in the first place.

I challenge "Brother" to introduce his relatives to the sensible habits he learned abroad -- walking, healthier meals with smaller portions, and less fried, salted, sugary processed foods. Supportive family members are often far more effective than a doctor's lecture on the perils of obesity, and I wish him luck in his endeavors. -- MED STUDENT WITH NO MAGIC PILL

DEAR READERS: If, after reading this, any of you are interested in a tried-and-true program for weight loss, Overeaters Anonymous is a 12-step self-help group that started in 1960. It has been mentioned in this column many times. Its website is �HYPERLINK www.oa.org ��www.oa.org�; the phone number is (505) 891-2664. There are more than 9,000 O.A. groups in the U.S. and internationally.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: After 33 years, I recently reconnected with my first girlfriend. We are both 49. I have been married twice, and she is ending a long relationship.

We have been talking and e-mailing, and she came to visit for a few days -- no sex, just laughing and reminiscing about how we've grown since we were 16. It seems we have spent years looking for each other in different people. But now we want to be together for the rest of our lives. This may sound ridiculous, but we both know it's true. Abby, is there such a thing as true love? -- NEW JERSEY LOVER

DEAR NEW JERSEY LOVER: Yes, there is. And it appears that after years of traveling down separate paths, you and your lady have finally found it. It's not "ridiculous," and it has happened to many other couples.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my daughter's mother left me. She has moved on and remarried a year ago. I haven't had a date in four years. I fell into a depression that is now affecting my relationship with my daughter. It's hard to spend time with her without feeling low.

I lost my job, my driver's license, my self-worth. I know I need to talk to a doctor, but lack of money puts me in a tough spot. As for family members, they are busy with their own problems. Please help. -- DISCOURAGED DAD IN INDIANA

DEAR DISCOURAGED: If you can't afford to see a doctor, then seek help from your county mental health agency or from a clergyperson. Many of them are trained to counsel those with personal problems -- and if you need more help than your spiritual adviser can offer, there may be someone in the congregation who can provide what you need.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have different opinions about TV watching when we have guests. I was always taught that unless guests were specifically invited to watch something on TV, it is impolite to have it on. Having the TV on in the background is a distraction to the visit. What do you think? -- TURNED OFF IN SALINAS, CALIF.

DEAR TURNED OFF: It's rude to turn a television set on in the presence of guests because it sends the message that their company is boring. If a set is on when guests arrive and the host switches it off, it conveys that the guest's company is more important than anything that's being aired. And that's an unspoken compliment that also sends a message.

DEAR READERS: It's Valentine's Day, a day guaranteed to bring joy to lovers and often a mild depression to singles who are not romantically involved. If this could be you, try this home remedy to raise your spirits:

Be a sweetheart and clean out your closets. Take any items you no longer wear (or can't fit into) and donate them so someone else can enjoy them. Call your friends and say "I love you." Bring flowers to someone in a nursing home. Offer to run an errand for someone who doesn't drive.

Donate blood; pay someone a compliment; listen to your teenager; pray for your friends; or invite a lonely acquaintance -- male or female -- to join you for lunch. Obey the traffic laws. Do something nice for someone anonymously. And, before the day is over, resolve to be a "sweetheart" more often than just today.