DEAR ABBY: My older brother "Mike" was married several months ago. The family was informed after the fact. Mike and his bride, "Sophie," didn't elope. They had planned their church wedding for the better part of a year, and decided to include only a small group of friends while completely excluding the family. Naturally, this has caused hurt feelings. As far as I'm concerned, I have lost a sibling rather than gained one.

Mike and Sophie are now throwing themselves a party in their honor to celebrate their union. My mother not only wants me to attend, but expects me to give them a gift as well. Mom says he is "family" and therefore I am obligated to give a gift. I say I wasn't invited to their wedding so I'm under no obligation to give one. I have no desire to reward someone who thinks so little of me. What do you say? -- LEFT OUT SIBLING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LEFT OUT SIBLING: If you haven't already done so, tell your brother how hurt you feel to have not been invited to his wedding, then listen to what he has to say. Give him a chance to mend fences. If that doesn't happen, then skip the celebration. But remember that if you don't attend, the rift that has been created may never be healed.

DEAR ABBY: I am a high school senior who is worried about leaving my older sister. "Jamie" is 10 years older and moved back home with my parents and me after she finished college. She takes medication because of her anxiety and stays in her room most of the time.

In the six years that Jamie has lived here she has made no friends or acquaintances. I believe I'm the only person she has a relationship with other than her therapist. As I spend more time on schoolwork and projects and less time with her, she feels ignored and becomes desperate to spend time with me. I feel I'm her only link to the outside world. I'm worried that when I move away she'll lose that connection and not make any attempts to find a relationship or a job.

I care deeply about Jamie, but I want to go to college. How can I help her to get moving? -- MY SISTER'S KEEPER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SISTER'S KEEPER: I can think of two ways. The first is to not allow your sister's mental disorder -- because that is what you are describing -- to keep you from going to college and having a life. Your sister has your parents, so she won't be all alone. The second is to write a letter to her therapist explaining your concerns. If anyone can help your sister, it is her therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend from school who is very close to me. I only get to see her at lunch at school. We have managed to keep our friendship going through e-mails and sleepovers.

However, she is often not available for sleepovers, and when she is, she must always leave at 12 a.m.! I know it's not just me because other friends of hers have said this, too. Once I asked her why she had to leave so early and she said it was her mom.

Why do you think her mom is so adamant about early endings? -- WONDERING IN ATLANTA

DEAR WONDERING: It's probably because your friend's curfew ends at midnight or a little after, and her mother hasn't given her permission to attend all-night sleepovers. But if you want to be sure -- have your mother ask her mother.

DEAR ABBY: Everyone knows the economy has hit hard times and, as a result, more people are working past the age of retirement. This means some in the workplace are beginning to deal with Alzheimer's and other dementia-related illnesses.

"Anita" is in her late 60s and we are certain she is showing symptoms of dementia. She has worked in our office about three years, after working in this field for more than 30 years elsewhere. But if you saw her in our office today, you would think it was her first week -- if not her first day.

Anita makes multiple mistakes every day, then sits at her desk and cries her eyes out. Our supervisor insists there is nothing he or HR can do in regards to talking (gently) to her because she could sue the company.

I'm sorry Anita is suffering, but must we let her deteriorate for three more years in our office? That's how long she is planning on staying, even though she's eligible for retirement. Her family lives elsewhere in the state and may not realize she is ill. Were she my mother, I would want someone to do something. What's the right thing to do for everyone involved? -- STUMPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STUMPED: I discussed your question with Nancy Bertrando, a respected California employment law specialist, who told me: "If a person is unable to perform the essential functions of her job -- regardless of the reason -- an employer does not have the obligation to keep the person in that position. However, regardless of whether your supervisor or HR thinks it is futile, Anita should be counseled and given the opportunity to fix the problem -- if, indeed, it is fixable."

DEAR ABBY: My husband runs an auto body shop and has always warned me to be extra careful in parking lots -- "People don't pay attention. They drive too fast. Everyone's always in a hurry," etc. Well, tomorrow I am going to the memorial service for a dear friend, "Mara." She was only 46.

While Mara was putting her granddaughter into a stroller, they were hit. A woman driving too fast hit a car backing out of a parking space, careened off that car and ran over Mara. Mara was pinned underneath the car until the fire department arrived and lifted it off her. Mara's daughter saw it all. The 3-year-old is still in the hospital, but will survive.

I realize my friend died over a parking spot. I hope people reading this will see that we all need to slow down and pay attention. A car can be as lethal as a gun. I didn't "get it" before, but now I do. Because of the reckless actions of a complete stranger, you can kiss your husband goodbye, go shopping and never return! I hope this nightmare can help others. -- MISSING THE SISTER OF MY HEART

DEAR MISSING: Please know how sorry I am about the tragic death of your friend. I cannot stress enough how important it is to remain fully present while behind the wheel of a vehicle. Our streets and highways are filled with distractions, as are our cars -- billboards, cell phones, stereo buttons, the GPS, etc. I am sure the woman who struck Mara and her grandchild will never get over the fact that she took one life and could have taken another.

Readers, I hope you will review this woman's letter and remember it the next time you're "in a hurry." It could save a life.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." -- Anne Frank

DEAR ABBY: What's your opinion of having a double wedding and a double shower for two girls within the same family? Would it be appropriate to split the monetary gift since it combines the events? Please do not identify me because I have already expressed my dismay to another family member and was told that I'm the only person who thinks it is inappropriate. I need to know if it is socially acceptable. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: My mother and her identical twin sister married in a double wedding. Because they did practically everything together, I wouldn't be surprised if they also had a double shower -- although I never thought to ask her about it.

Please remember that wedding and shower gifts are just that -- gifts. You are not compelled to spend more than you can afford, but there should be a separate one for each event that you attend.

DEAR ABBY: I work with another woman who always comes to the office in professional attire. She is lovely. My only problem with her clothing is that it's so devoid of color that it makes her appear incredibly drab and depressed. She wears all beige, all black or all white, which does nothing to enhance her beauty.

She is a quiet person, so I understand her not wearing flashy reds or loud colors, but a little bit would bring out her inner vitality.

Would it be presumptuous of me to suggest she might add some color to her wardrobe, or should I just leave it alone? Should I buy her a scarf to brighten up all those muted ensembles? -- SUFFERING IN BEIGE-LAND

DEAR "SUFFERING": If I were you I would tread carefully in this area. Your lovely co-worker may wear monochromatic outfits because she does not wish to draw attention to her beauty and inner vitality. If you are close to her, you might buy her a scarf and say you picked it up because you thought it would look wonderful with her beige suit. However, if she doesn't wear it, don't take offense and don't push the issue. Not everyone has the same taste in fashion.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old woman who has always believed in the adage "A smile is the only language that everyone can understand." Sometimes I will offer a quick, casual smile to people I encounter in a grocery store or other public place.

Last week, a woman frowned at me when I smiled at her. Another woman passed me with a puzzled look on her face. A young man's inflated ego allowed him to respond with a "No thanks!" after I offered him a smile. It's a shame that in today's world some people have become so ill-mannered that they cannot return a smile and accept it for what it is -- a friendly gesture. -- HAVE A NICE DAY IN BARGERSVILLE, IND.

DEAR H.A.N.D.: My mother used to say that the most effective cosmetic a woman can wear is a smile. In stressful times we don't see enough of them. The individuals you encountered must have been having a bad day. Allow me to share a wonderful thought penned by a gentleman named Robert L. Bass: "Warmth is a communicable disease. If you haven't got it, no one will be able to catch it from you." Please don't stop smiling.

TO MY ASIAN FRIENDS: Today marks the first day of the Lunar New Year. It's the Year of the Rabbit -- so let's hop to it! -- Love, ABBY