DEAR ABBY: At a recent anniversary celebration for my parents, a well-meaning but thoughtless in-law sent them a gift from my deceased sister, with a card signed with her name. She died of cancer two years ago.

Her loss has been difficult and heartbreaking for all of us, especially my parents. I am furious at this guest for giving such a "gift." My parents were visibly shocked, but thanked the person anyway.

I knew the in-law was planning something like this, and I asked that it not be done at the party. I wish I had just said, "No! Don't do it!" I'm not sure whether I am madder at the gift giver or myself. I feel like the work we have done to recover from the loss has been set back. I could use some good advice. -- SPEECHLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Your parents are extraordinarily gracious people to have handled the situation as tactfully as they did. It must have been devastating for them. The in-law's level of insensitivity is appalling.

Please do not blame yourself for what happened. If you had said, "Don't do it," it probably would have happened anyway. What's done is done, now let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My husband moved out on Feb. 14 of last year. (Yes, Valentine's Day!) Our divorce will be final soon.

My soon-to-be-ex parades his girlfriend all over town and with our friends. He claims it is over between us, yet he still comes over to mow the yard for me and do errands. He also comes here every Sunday to watch TV and visit. He says he wants to remain close friends even after the divorce.

My question is: What gives with him? I don't understand him at all. -- ARE WE DONE YET?

DEAR ARE WE DONE YET?: For a man to move out on Valentine's Day illustrates that he has the emotional sensitivity of a golf shoe. Your ex may be doing these things out of guilt. Whether the two of you are done yet depends upon how you define "done." Your marriage is over. Your romance is, too. What's left to tie you together? If it's masochism on your part, I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: While I was at the grocery store, the woman in front of me said hello like she recognized me. I recognized her, but didn't remember her name or where I knew her from. I asked her some lame questions about art class, but it was obvious I didn't know her from there. It was very embarrassing.

The message I would like to give your readers is, please don't assume that someone can place you immediately. I am 70, and my memory is no longer as good as it used to be. The woman should have made sure I knew who she was, because it could have saved both of us from embarrassment. -- RED-FACED IN LEE'S SUMMIT, MO.

DEAR RED-FACED: I'm pleased to pass along your message. I have always thought the best policy in these situations is honesty. Because you were unable to place the woman, you should have told her you couldn't recall her name and asked her. To do so would not have been a breach of etiquette, and the encounter would have been less embarrassing for both of you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband gave a friend of his -- I'll call him "Fred" -- a place to stay and nursed him back to health after Fred was critically injured while driving an ATV. Fred was drunk at the time.

That was six years ago, and Fred is still here. While he has helped my husband with a few chores, he does not work. My husband provides him with a travel trailer, utilities, food and beer money. Fred is 47 years old and perfectly capable of working. I feel he is being disrespectful, and I want to set some ground rules -- getting a job and staying out of our house when we are not home, for starters.

My husband doesn't seem able to have a discussion with Fred. Am I selfish and un-Christian? This is straining my marriage. Please help. -- FEELING USED IN ARIZONA

DEAR FEELING USED: I'll try. Although your husband may have had the noblest of motives in taking his injured friend in after his injury and nursing him back to health, he's doing the man no favors by continuing to foster his dependence. While I can see what Fred is getting out of this, it's time your husband explained to you what HE is getting out of it.

Under the circumstances, your feelings of being encroached upon are 100 percent valid. And unless you want the rest of your married life to be a family of three, you will have to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I am a foster mother to four children of different races. One is African-American, two are Hispanic and one is Caucasian. My husband and I are Caucasian, and we have two children of our own.

Abby, my kids may have different colors and origins, but they are all our very own. They have chores, go to school and are responsible kids. We love them dearly and would move a mountain one pebble at a time for each one if needed.

When I am out and about with all six kids, I get nasty looks and nastier comments about them. I am tired of people looking down on me for our "weird" family. One person even suggested that I get my tubes tied and stop sleeping around!

Do I ignore these comments? I refuse to tell people that they are foster kids. They have been hurt enough and do not need to be reminded about their parents living elsewhere. Please help me before the comments reach the ears of my precious kids. -- FOSTER MOM AMANDA

DEAR AMANDA: People tend to look at anything that is "different." A rainbow coalition of children is bound to draw a second look, and by now you should know it comes with the territory. That does not, however, justify the rude personal attack you received from the one person. And in my opinion you should have shamed him or her by responding that you are a foster parent, because it happens to be the truth.

DEAR ABBY: When women are being married, they usually start showing off their engagement/wedding ring(s). I have very selective taste, and I find many of them to be gaudy or downright ugly. What am I supposed to say when these women are expecting me to tell them, "How lovely"? -- UNENTHUSED IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR UNENTHUSED: Try this: "Oh! Look at how it sparkles! You must be thrilled!" Then look the B-2-B in the eye and give her a warm smile.

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DEAR ABBY: I have a father who's always mean to me. He finds reasons to yell at me -- for example, the trash isn't taken out or the dishes aren't washed. He isn't involved in my educational life at all. When my teachers request a conference with my parents, he almost never shows up. When I graduated from elementary school and middle school, he didn't come to either of the ceremonies.

I'll talk to my dad about these things sometimes, and he says he's sorry and the next day he'll buy me something to try and make it up to me. He can be really nice when he wants to be, but most of the time he's a mean person. He is always putting me down, calling me an idiot and saying I'm worthless and a good-for-nothing son. I really want to become friends with my father, but it seems he doesn't. What can I do? -- WANTS A FATHER IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WANTS A FATHER: You may not be the perfect son, but you are not good-for-nothing, worthless or an idiot. What you have described is sad, because this may be a "parenting technique" your dad learned from his own father. I don't know whether he's an alcoholic, a workaholic or what other reasons there may be for his absence and his guilt. But "Father of the Year" he's not, and if you want a male you can look up to, you will have to find one elsewhere. Talk to your mother about this if you haven't, and ask her to guide you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his girlfriend of 13 years, "Liza," broke up, and my son has moved out of the house they bought together. They still have a lot to settle, but so far, they remain on reasonably good terms.

The news of their split has left my wife and me feeling bad. We developed a bond with Liza over the years and we are unsure how to proceed from here. We feel she has become a part of our family, especially since she has no real family of her own.

We would like to express our sorrow for their breakup, wish her the best in the future and, perhaps, maintain friendly contact. We do not want to upset our son by doing this.

Please advise me on how we should proceed. What is the proper approach for parents and other family members in this situation? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN OTTAWA

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: You're asking the wrong person. The person you should discuss this with is your son. While it is understandable that you feel Liza is a member of the family, the truth is she isn't in the literal sense. The extent to which you keep her in your lives may depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. While the extended family may wish to maintain relationships with her on an individual basis, whether your son would be comfortable having her present during family holidays is yet to be determined.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My 15-year-old sister and I know each other's thoughts and feelings almost as well as our own. Unfortunately, we also know when the other's funny bone is "tickly" -- and it starts a giggling fit. When we start, we can't stop.

We get these fits at the most inappropriate times. We are at our wit's end. Can you help? -- GIGGLE GIRLS IN LANCASTER, PA.

DEAR GIGGLE GIRLS: Yes. When you know something is funny, but it is inappropriate to start giggling, the two of you should not make eye contact. That will solve your problem.