DEAR ABBY: My husband gave a friend of his -- I'll call him "Fred" -- a place to stay and nursed him back to health after Fred was critically injured while driving an ATV. Fred was drunk at the time.

That was six years ago, and Fred is still here. While he has helped my husband with a few chores, he does not work. My husband provides him with a travel trailer, utilities, food and beer money. Fred is 47 years old and perfectly capable of working. I feel he is being disrespectful, and I want to set some ground rules -- getting a job and staying out of our house when we are not home, for starters.

My husband doesn't seem able to have a discussion with Fred. Am I selfish and un-Christian? This is straining my marriage. Please help. -- FEELING USED IN ARIZONA

DEAR FEELING USED: I'll try. Although your husband may have had the noblest of motives in taking his injured friend in after his injury and nursing him back to health, he's doing the man no favors by continuing to foster his dependence. While I can see what Fred is getting out of this, it's time your husband explained to you what HE is getting out of it.

Under the circumstances, your feelings of being encroached upon are 100 percent valid. And unless you want the rest of your married life to be a family of three, you will have to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I am a foster mother to four children of different races. One is African-American, two are Hispanic and one is Caucasian. My husband and I are Caucasian, and we have two children of our own.

Abby, my kids may have different colors and origins, but they are all our very own. They have chores, go to school and are responsible kids. We love them dearly and would move a mountain one pebble at a time for each one if needed.

When I am out and about with all six kids, I get nasty looks and nastier comments about them. I am tired of people looking down on me for our "weird" family. One person even suggested that I get my tubes tied and stop sleeping around!

Do I ignore these comments? I refuse to tell people that they are foster kids. They have been hurt enough and do not need to be reminded about their parents living elsewhere. Please help me before the comments reach the ears of my precious kids. -- FOSTER MOM AMANDA

DEAR AMANDA: People tend to look at anything that is "different." A rainbow coalition of children is bound to draw a second look, and by now you should know it comes with the territory. That does not, however, justify the rude personal attack you received from the one person. And in my opinion you should have shamed him or her by responding that you are a foster parent, because it happens to be the truth.

DEAR ABBY: When women are being married, they usually start showing off their engagement/wedding ring(s). I have very selective taste, and I find many of them to be gaudy or downright ugly. What am I supposed to say when these women are expecting me to tell them, "How lovely"? -- UNENTHUSED IN ERIE, PA.

DEAR UNENTHUSED: Try this: "Oh! Look at how it sparkles! You must be thrilled!" Then look the B-2-B in the eye and give her a warm smile.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I have a father who's always mean to me. He finds reasons to yell at me -- for example, the trash isn't taken out or the dishes aren't washed. He isn't involved in my educational life at all. When my teachers request a conference with my parents, he almost never shows up. When I graduated from elementary school and middle school, he didn't come to either of the ceremonies.

I'll talk to my dad about these things sometimes, and he says he's sorry and the next day he'll buy me something to try and make it up to me. He can be really nice when he wants to be, but most of the time he's a mean person. He is always putting me down, calling me an idiot and saying I'm worthless and a good-for-nothing son. I really want to become friends with my father, but it seems he doesn't. What can I do? -- WANTS A FATHER IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR WANTS A FATHER: You may not be the perfect son, but you are not good-for-nothing, worthless or an idiot. What you have described is sad, because this may be a "parenting technique" your dad learned from his own father. I don't know whether he's an alcoholic, a workaholic or what other reasons there may be for his absence and his guilt. But "Father of the Year" he's not, and if you want a male you can look up to, you will have to find one elsewhere. Talk to your mother about this if you haven't, and ask her to guide you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My son and his girlfriend of 13 years, "Liza," broke up, and my son has moved out of the house they bought together. They still have a lot to settle, but so far, they remain on reasonably good terms.

The news of their split has left my wife and me feeling bad. We developed a bond with Liza over the years and we are unsure how to proceed from here. We feel she has become a part of our family, especially since she has no real family of her own.

We would like to express our sorrow for their breakup, wish her the best in the future and, perhaps, maintain friendly contact. We do not want to upset our son by doing this.

Please advise me on how we should proceed. What is the proper approach for parents and other family members in this situation? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN OTTAWA

DEAR CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: You're asking the wrong person. The person you should discuss this with is your son. While it is understandable that you feel Liza is a member of the family, the truth is she isn't in the literal sense. The extent to which you keep her in your lives may depend upon the circumstances of the breakup. While the extended family may wish to maintain relationships with her on an individual basis, whether your son would be comfortable having her present during family holidays is yet to be determined.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17. My 15-year-old sister and I know each other's thoughts and feelings almost as well as our own. Unfortunately, we also know when the other's funny bone is "tickly" -- and it starts a giggling fit. When we start, we can't stop.

We get these fits at the most inappropriate times. We are at our wit's end. Can you help? -- GIGGLE GIRLS IN LANCASTER, PA.

DEAR GIGGLE GIRLS: Yes. When you know something is funny, but it is inappropriate to start giggling, the two of you should not make eye contact. That will solve your problem.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son passed away nine months ago. I am mostly numb. My home has always been welcoming, and I have had friends and family here constantly -- but now they won't leave! They don't seem to "get" the fact that I need some time to be alone.

I love these people, but my heart is broken. The only person I want to see and spend time with is my surviving son. I have lost my enthusiasm for almost everything. I work full time and no longer want to be the "hostess." I am tired. My sons and I were close, and I raised them by myself.

How do I tell my friends and family members that I need to be alone without offending them? I want to do the right thing. -- HEARTBROKEN IN CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I'm sure your friends and family care deeply about you and are only trying to be there for you.

However, you need to heal as best as you can in your own way from the death of your son. Thank them for their constant support, and explain that you need some time to be alone and cope with this without a crowd around. They will understand.

Working your way through the grieving process can be exhausting. But if your "tiredness" persists, I'm advising you to discuss it with your doctor because it can be a symptom of chronic depression, which is a medical condition.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a friendly, outgoing cashier at a grocery store. I enjoy chatting with customers. I particularly like some of them and look forward to them coming in. The problem is what I should do when they ask me for personal information, like my phone number or Facebook information.

In the last month, two customers asked to be my friends on Facebook and one asked for my phone number. I don't feel comfortable sharing this information with them. It's important for me to have a private life kept separate from my work life.

What is a polite way to let them know I don't want to give out that information? -- FACEBOOK-UNFRIENDLY IN LOVELAND, COLO.

DEAR FACEBOOK-UNFRIENDLY: Smile at the customer and, in your usual upbeat, friendly way, say: "You know, I think you are very nice -- but I keep my work life and personal life separate. I never mix the two. But thanks for asking." Period.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter, "Sophia," repeatedly shirks her basic responsibilities. She routinely receives detention for not completing homework assignments and for failing to bring required materials to class. Despite my concern, Sophia continues with her usual shortcomings. This is causing a great deal of stress between us, and our relationship is now very poor. Should I keep pushing her or should I just allow her to fail? -- DISAPPOINTED MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED MOM: Of course you shouldn't allow your daughter to fail. All mothers have to "push" sometimes. It goes with the territory. However, rather than letting it drive you and your daughter apart, talk with her teacher and see if she or he can give you some insight as to what's going on. If that doesn't help, then consult Sophia's pediatrician. The girl may have a neurological problem that's causing her behavior.