DEAR ABBY: I live in a dorm at a large university where a former friend, "Glen," also lives. We are no longer on speaking terms because of an incident that happened last year.

One day during pre-finals week, I left my room briefly to get something from a friend's room down the hall. I left my door unlocked because I'd be back soon. When I returned a few minutes later, my laptop, my cell phone and several books full of class notes were missing. I was distraught almost to the point of a breakdown.

Later that night, Glen knocked on my door and revealed that he had hidden the items in his room to "teach me a lesson" about not locking my door. I was speechless that a "friend" could do such a thing to me.

I notified the police and officials at the university. Glen was arrested for theft and charged with a misdemeanor. The university terminated his scholarship, and he was sentenced to community service.

Glen is now blaming me for what happened. He claims what he did wasn't really "stealing" and that I ruined his life. He's harassing me at every opportunity and spreading misinformation to my friends.

I believe I acted justly to what was plainly a case of theft. Am I wrong? How should I act in the case of Glen's current behavior? -- VICTIM IN TEXAS

DEAR VICTIM: Your former friend appears to be emotionally disturbed. He has no one to blame but himself for what has happened to him. If you haven't already done so, warn him to stop the harassment -- and if he doesn't, report it to the authorities. And don't worry about the misinformation he is trying to spread among your friends. If they are truly your friends, they'll believe you when you tell them they're being lied to.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been arguing about his leaving the lights on throughout our house. He's convinced that it adds little to our electric bill, but it bothers me that every single light is left burning. I realize there is a cost difference between incandescent and fluorescent lighting, but leaving all the lights on seems unnecessary and wasteful to me. Could you please "shed some light" on our argument? -- LIT UP IN JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR LIT UP: According to the Renewable Energy Policy Project (REPP) in Washington, D.C., leaving a 100-watt incandescent bulb on for 12 hours a day for one month will add $40 per year to your electric bill. Multiply that by the number of bulbs in your home and it can add up quickly.

Fluorescent bulbs use fewer watts than incandescent bulbs, but turning them on ages the filaments -- so if they'll be turned on again within a minute or two, leave them on. (This is not a recommendation to leave fluorescent bulbs burning constantly, just a suggestion that if they won't be needed after a few minutes, to turn them off.)

LED bulbs are more expensive to buy, but they last longer, use less wattage and emit brighter light. However, when the illumination is no longer needed, they, too, should be extinguished.

P.S. Since your husband has money to burn, why not invest in motion sensors so he'll have light wherever he goes without inflating your energy bills?

DEAR ABBY: I am a fairly conservative young woman, and also somewhat shy. I have been dating a young man who comes from a much more casual culture than I do. This has its benefits -- he laughs often and deeply, and easily connects with people. But it also has its downside.

"Mac" has a terrible habit of talking publicly about what we do in the bedroom. He means it in a teasing way, and he's never insulting. He can't understand why it upsets me, although he is always remorseful when he realizes I'm angry. He worries that I'm ashamed of him and what we do, but I'm not. I just don't want it to be a topic of public discussion, especially with people from my church. I find it embarrassing to have my love life made public.

Mac is never mean-spirited, only vulgar, which to him is acceptable. I love him. He's a strong, kind and generous man. But I do not feel respected. The truth is, he just doesn't know how to treat me with respect. What can I do? -- WOMAN OF CHARACTER

DEAR WOMAN OF CHARACTER: Mac is "always" remorseful? You should not have had to tell him more than once that his talking about your sex life made you uncomfortable. He appears to crave attention any way he can get it. His lack of sensitivity for your feelings is a red flag.

Mac may be funny, strong, kind and generous, but because he doesn't understand boundaries, he isn't likely to change. What you must do is ask yourself if this is the way you want the rest of your life to be, because if you continue this relationship, this will be your reality -- and nothing will be kept private.

DEAR ABBY: "Clyde" and I dated as teenagers. After we separated, he married someone else. We met up again and had an affair, which resulted in two children. I ended it because it was going nowhere and raised the children alone.

Clyde and I have now come full circle. After separating from his wife, he sought me out. I have loved only him my entire life. We have been living together for several years now, and I have an engagement ring with no hope of marriage. He keeps telling me his wife is holding up the divorce.

Abby, how long can one person hold up a divorce? I have waited 25 years for this man, and I don't know if I will wait forever. -- TIRED OF WAITING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: Clyde may not have been completely honest with you. I ran your letter by a family law specialist who informed me that here in the U.S.A. no one can be forced to stay married against his or her will. A divorce is a court proceeding. A spouse can stall signing an agreement -- the division of property would be an example -- but not a court process.

As for your being unwilling to wait for Clyde "forever" -- you have already done that. Twenty-five years of waiting for a man who's unavailable is forever.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a dentist. There are two other staff members besides me.

The dentist occasionally receives gifts (goodie baskets, flowers, baked goods, etc.) from specialists thanking him for referring patients to them. These gifts usually have cards that say "To Doctor and Staff," but he never shares any of it with us; he takes it all home. Should I approach him about this? -- NO PERKS IN INDIANA

DEAR NO PERKS: I don't think so. While your feelings are understandable, you would have nothing to gain but poundage. And besides, it's almost impossible to shame the shameless.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Blue at Christmas" (Dec. 13). I think the card-making tradition she has with her niece is beautiful. In a time when so many people are rushed, and so many of us are focused on finding the "best deal" for Christmas, it is wonderful that "Blue" is teaching her niece the importance of thinking of others and spending time with loved ones. I hope they will carry on their tradition because I'm sure many people look forward to those handmade cards and treasure them every year. -- LINDSEY IN GRANITE CITY, ILL.

DEAR LINDSEY: If the avalanche of mail that poured into my office is any indication of how popular homemade cards are, the major greeting card companies had better look out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Blue's" niece does not need to hear that she should quit a project just because some miserable, jealous "friend" makes ugly comments about it. Insulting other people's efforts, while attempting nothing on her own, indicates that the person is unwilling to tap into her own creativity and is jealous of anyone who does.

"Blue" should show those people how much their opinion really matters, which is not at all, and continue their tradition because they enjoy creating the cards together. If they continue, "Blue" and her niece can learn two Christmas lessons: Traditions are worth continuing, and what they think, not what others think, of their tradition is what matters. -- CHRIS IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: I have sent homemade cards for some time, for all major life events. I consider it my "ministry" because when I make them and enclose a personal note in each one, I'm thinking of and saying prayers for the recipient. That poor buffoon who doesn't grasp the significance of a handmade card doesn't deserve to get one. -- MARGARET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I'm appalled that "Blue's" dear friends didn't appreciate the handmade Christmas cards she and her niece created. A pox on them all! But that's too harsh. Those people have already been cursed -- with the taint of commercialism. If a store-bought card is what it takes to impress them, maybe they'll get all they can stand. Meanwhile, "Blue" and her niece should continue their creative and loving efforts and send their blessings to veterans, our troops, children or elders in hospitals and homes, or to others who will appreciate the value of time and love. I know I'd appreciate one of those masterpieces. -- ROSEMARY IN MURRELLS INLET, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: In no way should they stop their tradition just because one "Scrooge" put a damper on things. This is a great teaching moment for the aunt to talk with her niece about human nature, how some people see the glass half-full while others see it half-empty. We should never allow the "half-empties" to steal the joy we derive from the little things in life. -- MELISSA IN SPRINGDALE, ARK.

DEAR ABBY: Looks like we already have a winner for this year's Bah-Humbug Sourpuss Ingrate Award. I could barely comprehend the letter from "Blue," whose insensitive friends did not appreciate the lovely gesture of handmade cards. -- CHERYL IN ELK GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR READERS: I would like to express my gratitude to all of you who sent me handmade holiday cards. They brought cheer to my staff and to me. Thank you! -- LOVE, ABBY