DEAR ABBY: I am a fairly conservative young woman, and also somewhat shy. I have been dating a young man who comes from a much more casual culture than I do. This has its benefits -- he laughs often and deeply, and easily connects with people. But it also has its downside.

"Mac" has a terrible habit of talking publicly about what we do in the bedroom. He means it in a teasing way, and he's never insulting. He can't understand why it upsets me, although he is always remorseful when he realizes I'm angry. He worries that I'm ashamed of him and what we do, but I'm not. I just don't want it to be a topic of public discussion, especially with people from my church. I find it embarrassing to have my love life made public.

Mac is never mean-spirited, only vulgar, which to him is acceptable. I love him. He's a strong, kind and generous man. But I do not feel respected. The truth is, he just doesn't know how to treat me with respect. What can I do? -- WOMAN OF CHARACTER

DEAR WOMAN OF CHARACTER: Mac is "always" remorseful? You should not have had to tell him more than once that his talking about your sex life made you uncomfortable. He appears to crave attention any way he can get it. His lack of sensitivity for your feelings is a red flag.

Mac may be funny, strong, kind and generous, but because he doesn't understand boundaries, he isn't likely to change. What you must do is ask yourself if this is the way you want the rest of your life to be, because if you continue this relationship, this will be your reality -- and nothing will be kept private.

DEAR ABBY: "Clyde" and I dated as teenagers. After we separated, he married someone else. We met up again and had an affair, which resulted in two children. I ended it because it was going nowhere and raised the children alone.

Clyde and I have now come full circle. After separating from his wife, he sought me out. I have loved only him my entire life. We have been living together for several years now, and I have an engagement ring with no hope of marriage. He keeps telling me his wife is holding up the divorce.

Abby, how long can one person hold up a divorce? I have waited 25 years for this man, and I don't know if I will wait forever. -- TIRED OF WAITING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TIRED OF WAITING: Clyde may not have been completely honest with you. I ran your letter by a family law specialist who informed me that here in the U.S.A. no one can be forced to stay married against his or her will. A divorce is a court proceeding. A spouse can stall signing an agreement -- the division of property would be an example -- but not a court process.

As for your being unwilling to wait for Clyde "forever" -- you have already done that. Twenty-five years of waiting for a man who's unavailable is forever.

DEAR ABBY: I work for a dentist. There are two other staff members besides me.

The dentist occasionally receives gifts (goodie baskets, flowers, baked goods, etc.) from specialists thanking him for referring patients to them. These gifts usually have cards that say "To Doctor and Staff," but he never shares any of it with us; he takes it all home. Should I approach him about this? -- NO PERKS IN INDIANA

DEAR NO PERKS: I don't think so. While your feelings are understandable, you would have nothing to gain but poundage. And besides, it's almost impossible to shame the shameless.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Blue at Christmas" (Dec. 13). I think the card-making tradition she has with her niece is beautiful. In a time when so many people are rushed, and so many of us are focused on finding the "best deal" for Christmas, it is wonderful that "Blue" is teaching her niece the importance of thinking of others and spending time with loved ones. I hope they will carry on their tradition because I'm sure many people look forward to those handmade cards and treasure them every year. -- LINDSEY IN GRANITE CITY, ILL.

DEAR LINDSEY: If the avalanche of mail that poured into my office is any indication of how popular homemade cards are, the major greeting card companies had better look out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Blue's" niece does not need to hear that she should quit a project just because some miserable, jealous "friend" makes ugly comments about it. Insulting other people's efforts, while attempting nothing on her own, indicates that the person is unwilling to tap into her own creativity and is jealous of anyone who does.

"Blue" should show those people how much their opinion really matters, which is not at all, and continue their tradition because they enjoy creating the cards together. If they continue, "Blue" and her niece can learn two Christmas lessons: Traditions are worth continuing, and what they think, not what others think, of their tradition is what matters. -- CHRIS IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: I have sent homemade cards for some time, for all major life events. I consider it my "ministry" because when I make them and enclose a personal note in each one, I'm thinking of and saying prayers for the recipient. That poor buffoon who doesn't grasp the significance of a handmade card doesn't deserve to get one. -- MARGARET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I'm appalled that "Blue's" dear friends didn't appreciate the handmade Christmas cards she and her niece created. A pox on them all! But that's too harsh. Those people have already been cursed -- with the taint of commercialism. If a store-bought card is what it takes to impress them, maybe they'll get all they can stand. Meanwhile, "Blue" and her niece should continue their creative and loving efforts and send their blessings to veterans, our troops, children or elders in hospitals and homes, or to others who will appreciate the value of time and love. I know I'd appreciate one of those masterpieces. -- ROSEMARY IN MURRELLS INLET, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: In no way should they stop their tradition just because one "Scrooge" put a damper on things. This is a great teaching moment for the aunt to talk with her niece about human nature, how some people see the glass half-full while others see it half-empty. We should never allow the "half-empties" to steal the joy we derive from the little things in life. -- MELISSA IN SPRINGDALE, ARK.

DEAR ABBY: Looks like we already have a winner for this year's Bah-Humbug Sourpuss Ingrate Award. I could barely comprehend the letter from "Blue," whose insensitive friends did not appreciate the lovely gesture of handmade cards. -- CHERYL IN ELK GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR READERS: I would like to express my gratitude to all of you who sent me handmade holiday cards. They brought cheer to my staff and to me. Thank you! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I was married at 17 and ran away at 37 when I finally admitted to myself that my husband did not love me. After that, I went through a deep depression that took years to recover from. I have been divorced for 13 years and am happy being unencumbered. I choose to live alone.

I enjoy companionship and am seeing not one, but two, men. They both want a commitment, and I do not. One knows about the other; the other doesn't. They know I have had relationships in the past.

I have already had family, kids and grandkids. I see no reason to marry again or have a serious commitment to anyone. What is your advice? -- CONTENT IN IOWA

DEAR CONTENT: My advice is to let the gentleman who doesn't know you are seeing someone else in on the secret. Other than that, because you are happy with the status quo, I have no other advice to offer.

DEAR ABBY: Before my mother died a year ago, she told me a secret. She said my middle-aged brother "Donnie" was conceived with a sperm donation rather than my father (also deceased), whose sperm count was low. My brother doesn't know this, and Mom didn't tell him before she died.

Donnie has had numerous emotional problems and has unresolved issues with our parents. Do you think it's important that he know of his "origin," or is this a secret I should take with me to the grave? I don't want to hurt him with this information, only to help him resolve some of his negative feelings toward our parents. I hate keeping family secrets, but I will remain silent if telling him would do more harm than good. -- HALF-SISTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HALF-SISTER: Your half-brother should be told the truth. It may be difficult for him to hear, but on the other hand, it could explain some of the unspoken family dynamics that may have led to his unresolved issues with your parents. It might also help him understand why he felt "different," or may have felt he was treated differently than you were.

DEAR ABBY: I have a grandchild whose parents are strict, which I don't mind, but when Mom loses her cool, she starts name-calling. She'll say things like, "You're a brat!" etc. in front of whomever, wherever we happen to be. It goes against my grain to call anyone names.

Should I talk to the parents about this or stay out of their business? I don't interfere with the way any of my children raise their kids, but I'm very concerned over this. What do I do or say? Should I speak up, or hold my peace? I hurt for the grandkids when this happens. It isn't good for their self-esteem. -- UNSURE IN RED WING, MINN.

DEAR UNSURE: I know very few perfect parents, but if your family member does this on a regular basis, you should say something. The problem with labeling a child is that if an adult does it often enough, the child can grow up thinking the label is accurate. A better way to handle the situation would be for Mom to say firmly: "Stop that! When you do that it makes me angry, and if it happens again, you'll: (1) get a time out; (2) we're going outside until you can behave; or (3) I won't bring you here again!"

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. He was an eloquent man who preached that "love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." His was a voice of reason in a time of insanity, silenced too soon. -- ABBY