DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Blue at Christmas" (Dec. 13). I think the card-making tradition she has with her niece is beautiful. In a time when so many people are rushed, and so many of us are focused on finding the "best deal" for Christmas, it is wonderful that "Blue" is teaching her niece the importance of thinking of others and spending time with loved ones. I hope they will carry on their tradition because I'm sure many people look forward to those handmade cards and treasure them every year. -- LINDSEY IN GRANITE CITY, ILL.

DEAR LINDSEY: If the avalanche of mail that poured into my office is any indication of how popular homemade cards are, the major greeting card companies had better look out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Blue's" niece does not need to hear that she should quit a project just because some miserable, jealous "friend" makes ugly comments about it. Insulting other people's efforts, while attempting nothing on her own, indicates that the person is unwilling to tap into her own creativity and is jealous of anyone who does.

"Blue" should show those people how much their opinion really matters, which is not at all, and continue their tradition because they enjoy creating the cards together. If they continue, "Blue" and her niece can learn two Christmas lessons: Traditions are worth continuing, and what they think, not what others think, of their tradition is what matters. -- CHRIS IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: I have sent homemade cards for some time, for all major life events. I consider it my "ministry" because when I make them and enclose a personal note in each one, I'm thinking of and saying prayers for the recipient. That poor buffoon who doesn't grasp the significance of a handmade card doesn't deserve to get one. -- MARGARET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I'm appalled that "Blue's" dear friends didn't appreciate the handmade Christmas cards she and her niece created. A pox on them all! But that's too harsh. Those people have already been cursed -- with the taint of commercialism. If a store-bought card is what it takes to impress them, maybe they'll get all they can stand. Meanwhile, "Blue" and her niece should continue their creative and loving efforts and send their blessings to veterans, our troops, children or elders in hospitals and homes, or to others who will appreciate the value of time and love. I know I'd appreciate one of those masterpieces. -- ROSEMARY IN MURRELLS INLET, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: In no way should they stop their tradition just because one "Scrooge" put a damper on things. This is a great teaching moment for the aunt to talk with her niece about human nature, how some people see the glass half-full while others see it half-empty. We should never allow the "half-empties" to steal the joy we derive from the little things in life. -- MELISSA IN SPRINGDALE, ARK.

DEAR ABBY: Looks like we already have a winner for this year's Bah-Humbug Sourpuss Ingrate Award. I could barely comprehend the letter from "Blue," whose insensitive friends did not appreciate the lovely gesture of handmade cards. -- CHERYL IN ELK GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR READERS: I would like to express my gratitude to all of you who sent me handmade holiday cards. They brought cheer to my staff and to me. Thank you! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I was married at 17 and ran away at 37 when I finally admitted to myself that my husband did not love me. After that, I went through a deep depression that took years to recover from. I have been divorced for 13 years and am happy being unencumbered. I choose to live alone.

I enjoy companionship and am seeing not one, but two, men. They both want a commitment, and I do not. One knows about the other; the other doesn't. They know I have had relationships in the past.

I have already had family, kids and grandkids. I see no reason to marry again or have a serious commitment to anyone. What is your advice? -- CONTENT IN IOWA

DEAR CONTENT: My advice is to let the gentleman who doesn't know you are seeing someone else in on the secret. Other than that, because you are happy with the status quo, I have no other advice to offer.

DEAR ABBY: Before my mother died a year ago, she told me a secret. She said my middle-aged brother "Donnie" was conceived with a sperm donation rather than my father (also deceased), whose sperm count was low. My brother doesn't know this, and Mom didn't tell him before she died.

Donnie has had numerous emotional problems and has unresolved issues with our parents. Do you think it's important that he know of his "origin," or is this a secret I should take with me to the grave? I don't want to hurt him with this information, only to help him resolve some of his negative feelings toward our parents. I hate keeping family secrets, but I will remain silent if telling him would do more harm than good. -- HALF-SISTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HALF-SISTER: Your half-brother should be told the truth. It may be difficult for him to hear, but on the other hand, it could explain some of the unspoken family dynamics that may have led to his unresolved issues with your parents. It might also help him understand why he felt "different," or may have felt he was treated differently than you were.

DEAR ABBY: I have a grandchild whose parents are strict, which I don't mind, but when Mom loses her cool, she starts name-calling. She'll say things like, "You're a brat!" etc. in front of whomever, wherever we happen to be. It goes against my grain to call anyone names.

Should I talk to the parents about this or stay out of their business? I don't interfere with the way any of my children raise their kids, but I'm very concerned over this. What do I do or say? Should I speak up, or hold my peace? I hurt for the grandkids when this happens. It isn't good for their self-esteem. -- UNSURE IN RED WING, MINN.

DEAR UNSURE: I know very few perfect parents, but if your family member does this on a regular basis, you should say something. The problem with labeling a child is that if an adult does it often enough, the child can grow up thinking the label is accurate. A better way to handle the situation would be for Mom to say firmly: "Stop that! When you do that it makes me angry, and if it happens again, you'll: (1) get a time out; (2) we're going outside until you can behave; or (3) I won't bring you here again!"

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. He was an eloquent man who preached that "love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend." His was a voice of reason in a time of insanity, silenced too soon. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My 92-year-old mother is the most hateful woman you have ever met. My husband and I took her into our home because she could no longer care for herself. She immediately took over everything, telling us what to do, being demanding and complaining that nothing was ever right.

She tried to discipline my well-behaved kids, ages 15 and 21. She attempted to treat them the way she treated us, using foul language, hitting and verbally abusing. My husband and kids have called me at work saying I need to get home immediately because Mother was out of control.

We told her we'd cook her meals because she could no longer use the oven. We modeled appropriate examples of interacting with the kids, but she just didn't get it. We finally had to put her in a nursing home.

Now we are wracked with guilt. Did I do the right thing? My siblings didn't want her because of her long history of abuse. I'm in no hurry to visit her at the home, either. Why couldn't she be the kindly grandma and parent that many children have? -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN TUSTIN, CALIF.

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Probably because she was modeling behavior she learned from her own mother and possibly because she is demented. Frankly, it was unrealistic to expect that she would suddenly change from the person she has been for the past 92 years into a Disney character -- and I don't mean Cruella De Vil.

Did you do the right thing? All things considered, yes. However, you should not abandon your mother. As a loving daughter -- which you have tried to be -- I'm advising you to try a little harder. Visit her. Bring her something to distract her. If she's able to be moved, take her out for a meal. When she's gone, you, unlike your siblings, will have nothing to regret.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Rob" and his fiancee invited me to join them at a dinner his father and stepmother, "Jane," are hosting. Rob's grandmother, brother and sister-in-law will be there, as well as Jane's two sons. I love them all and thought they loved me.

Apparently, Jane doesn't want me to attend! No reason was given. I was shocked. Jane and my ex were always welcomed in my home and life. I wished them well when they married after dating for 20 years. Jane's children have spent the night in my home. I took care of them for several days after a hurricane. I even flew her youngest son to join Rob and me at a theme park. Now when I look back, I realize Jane never reciprocated.

Rob and I are heartbroken. He wants nothing to do with Jane and doesn't want her at his wedding. He's furious with his dad for letting Jane make the rules. Rob doesn't want to attend their dinner. Abby, I am sick that I have apparently caused a rift in the family. Please tell me how to deal with this. -- STUPEFIED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STUPEFIED: Take the high road and encourage Rob to attend the dinner. This is Jane's party, and as the hostess it was her privilege to invite you -- or not. Rob should not have assumed that he could dictate her guest list.

While you have done everything you can to be a friend to Jane and have one large, happy extended family, she may feel competitive toward you. Or she may regard you as a chapter in her husband's life that she would prefer to be closed. Regard it as a reflection on her and her own insecurities. Be smart, take your cue from this and step back.

As to Jane attending Rob's wedding -- if he wants his dad there, he may have to accept her presence. But that decision is Rob's to make. Do not allow yourself to be dragged into it.

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