DEAR ABBY: My son, "Jarod," was in a relationship with "Gayle," who has a small son, "Danny." My husband and I took Danny into our hearts as our grandson. Danny formed a bond with Jarod's other two children and they consider him a brother. Although Jarod's relationship with Gayle didn't last, we continue to maintain close ties with Danny.
Jarod's new girlfriend, "Liz," also has a small son. Liz has asked me to end my relationship with Danny because she considers it a "threat" to her and her son.
I feel Liz is asking too much. How can I just stop loving Danny? Why is she asking me to do this? When I asked Liz if she were to break up with Jarod, would that mean I could never again speak to her son, she said, "Yes"!
I don't think relationships should be disposable, but I can see that refusing Liz's request will cause a rift. She refuses to visit our home as long as we continue to treat Danny as our grandson. I need your advice because my heart is breaking. -- EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR EMOTIONALLY INVESTED: What Liz is saying is not a "request," it's blackmail. It appears your son is involved with an insecure and manipulative woman who does not grasp that there is room in your heart for Jarod's children, Danny and her son, too.
I sincerely hope you won't give in, and that you will talk to your son and explain to him that you would like to accept Liz and her son, but if she persists in the stance she's taking, you will miss her. You have described someone who has a lot of growing up to do, and I hope your son recognizes it before he makes a mistake he may regret.