DEAR ABBY: I would like to share some important information with "Don't Want to Lose Him in the U.S.A." (Nov. 10). She's the young lady who is being pressured by her boyfriend to take photos of her classmates in the girls' locker room.

The students at the high school where I teach recently attended a program on Internet and online safety. One of the things that really surprised them was learning cell phone calls don't just go from one phone to another. All text messages and calls are transmitted through cell phone towers, which route the calls or texts to the company's server. All sent messages and photos are stored on the provider's server. This means pictures deleted from the phone are never really deleted -- and text messages and photos never go away. They still exist in the virtual world.

Should those pictures become the center of a court case, the information is subject to "discovery." With the right equipment, law enforcement can retrieve deleted photos from anyone's cell phone.

"Don't Want to Lose Him" needs to clearly understand she might be prosecuted for producing, distributing and possessing child pornography. -- A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER IN CHURCHVILLE, VA.

DEAR TEACHER: Thank you for delivering a valuable message that may provide a wake-up call for all my readers. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Refusing to take the photos, but keeping it quiet, is not enough. I think "Don't Want to Lose Him" should make copies of your column and paste them on every locker to warn all the girls they are at risk -- even when they think they have privacy. She should also tell the principal, who may be able to provide extra protection. -- SHEILA IN GIG HARBOR, WASH.

DEAR ABBY: I think the issue of that young woman's low self-esteem should be addressed. Her boyfriend is holding her hostage to his wishes and desires, and will probably always do so if she continues to stay with him. It's important that "Don't Want to Lose Him" learns to love the principled, intelligent person she already is and continue to stand up for herself. Eventually, someone will appreciate her good qualities and she won't have to settle for less than she deserves. -- BEEN THERE IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: "Don't Want to Lose Him" should report this to a trusted adult or school counselor. At the very least, this girl needs to know she will be doing a great service if she lets the other girls know so they can be on the lookout for someone sneaking a camera or cell phone into their locker room. She could also use some support and affection that doesn't come from a manipulative, self-serving "boyfriend." -- LISA IN SAN RAFAEL, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mental health professional. What "Don't Want to Lose Him" is being pressed to do is called "sexting," and it is a criminal offense in almost every state in the U.S. The young lady and whoever receives and distributes those photos could be convicted of a felony, serve prison time and live the rest of their lives as registered sex offenders.

There have been cases of young people -- victims of sexting -- who have committed suicide over the humiliation of being exposed against their will. Once these photos go "viral," they are on the Internet forever. Parents, friends, teachers and schools need to make it a priority to talk to kids about the moral, legal and social ramifications of taking these kinds of photos of themselves and others. -- JACQUELINE IN GIBSONIA, PA.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm dating a 15-year-old girl who was seriously physically abused in the past. She and her mom had to move away for a while, but have now been told by Department of Children and Family Services that it's safe for them to move back with her father, who abused her.

After seeing what goes on in this house and hearing her describe how they treat her, I think the physical abuse has changed to mental and emotional abuse. I'm not sure what to do because I'm 18 and it's "illegal" that we are dating. It scares me that they can use anything against me. -- WHAT TO DO?

DEAR WHAT TO DO?: You are not in a position to do anything yourself. If you try to get help for your girlfriend, her parents could create problems for you that would last a lifetime. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't encourage the girl to help herself by talking to a counselor, a trusted teacher or a clergyperson about the difficulties she's experiencing at home. If she does, they are mandated by law to report abuse. And this is a family that's already been in the system.

DEAR ABBY: I have been unable to ask "Mary" out -- or at least see if she's into me -- because we both work at the same place. I am not the type to be shy with my feelings, but with her it's different. When I see her, I forget everything else. It's as if my whole world stops when I see her smile. She's amazing!

I want to ask her out, but I'm unsure how to, considering that I am a woman. She does not know how I feel about her. What should I do? -- HAS IT BAD IN ARIZONA

DEAR HAS IT BAD: First, see if there are regulations in your employee handbook that discourage employees from dating. If there aren't, go slow and let Mary get to know you as a friend before trying to start a romantic relationship. And before declaring your feelings, be sure that a lesbian relationship is one that your co-worker would welcome.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years, "Sam," came home from basic training in the Army and told me he wanted to go active. (He was part of the National Guard.) He has asked me to go with him and I agreed, but in order to do that we have to be married.

I love Sam very much and we have talked about marriage before, but not elopement. He hasn't really "proposed" because he doesn't have a ring. We will be married, but without a real wedding -- yet.

I have no problem with this. It's a bit unconventional, but I love Sam and want to go with him. It will be an opportunity to travel, and I could finish my degree online.

The problem is, how would I define us as a couple? When we move onto the base, I'm worried people will see my ringless finger and ask questions. What should I tell them? And when we do have the actual wedding, what will that be called? -- DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DON'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED: Not all married women wear wedding rings, although most do. If you are afraid there will be questions if you're not wearing one, you and Sam might consider getting a used gold band to wear until he can buy you something else. If that doesn't appeal to you, then you'll just have to tell people that you are married and you have the license to prove it. (I doubt it will come to that.) And when you and Sam are finally able to have the wedding of your dreams, call it a renewal of your marriage vows because that will be accurate.

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DEAR ABBY: How does one live peacefully and get along with one's in-laws? I understand that everyone has different ideas, morals, etc., and I feel we should all try to respect one another's differences. However, my in-laws make it extremely difficult to spend time with them.

How does one eat at the same table with people who eat with their faces an inch from their plates and chew with their mouths open? How does one tolerate their complaining about everything and everyone? How does one coexist with people who think they're perfect and the rest of the world is flawed?

I thought about giving them an etiquette book as a gift, but my spouse told me not to waste the money. -- BITING MY TONGUE IN ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR BITING: An etiquette book would help only people who recognize they needed to consult one. The way to deal with your in-laws is, first, to remember they did one thing right: They produced your husband.

Because their table manners offend you, visit with them after mealtime whenever possible. If you can't avoid it, keep your eyes on your own plate. When they complain, respond with something positive or tactfully redirect the conversation to another subject. When they present themselves as perfect, never disagree -- and see them as infrequently as possible.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years, "Bobby," is still technically married to -- and living with -- his wife and child. He says he "has" to stay there because his son has learning difficulties and needs his support.

Bobby wants to wait until his son is older and more stable. His wife is a shrew who is just there as a roommate. She knows all about our affair, but she wants to stay married. She says she still loves Bobby even though he no longer loves her.

This triangle is stressful for me and Bobby. Don't you think his wife should wake up and smell the coffee? Bobby and I want to get on with our life together without all of this baggage constantly interfering with your plans. What should we do? -- HIS TRUE LOVE

DEAR TRUE LOVE: The person who should be smelling the coffee isn't Bobby's wife -- it's you. You have invested two years of your life in a man who is as married as one can get. Bobby isn't going anywhere, and the sooner you accept that fact the sooner you can find an eligible man to spend your life with. This may seem hard to accept, but if you don't believe me, just give your "true love" an ultimatum.

DEAR ABBY: Does a woman consider a man's invitation to lunch as the next thing to his asking her to sleep with him? And what do others think about this invitation if the female mentions it to her husband or friends?

One etiquette book said, in effect, "If the lunch is not about business, it's about sex." Pretty severe, I think.

I asked a female co-worker to lunch for purely social reasons, but I have gotten reactions of derision from others about it. Can't a man ask a female to lunch without some sort of negative social reaction? -- LET'S DO LUNCH, MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR LET'S DO LUNCH: In my book he can. And many do. To ask someone to lunch in the bright sunlight of high noon in a casual restaurant is hardly what I'd call a proposition. And I've never seen an etiquette book that implied that it is. It appears the "others" you have been telling have dirty minds and enjoy razzing you.