DEAR ABBY: I have two small grandsons. They asked me why Santa Claus begs for money in front of the shopping mall. I was shocked by the question and didn't know what to tell them. So I said it was to get toys for all the other boys and girls.

My grandsons also asked me if Santa goes to bingo. I gave them the same answer. My daughter (their mom) was also surprised by their questions. I'm a bingo enthusiast, so I guess that's why they asked. Did I answer properly? what would you have said? -- GRANDMA GLORIA IN OHIO

DEAR GRANDMA GLORIA: You handled the questions masterfully. Had I been asked, my response would have differed only slightly. I might have said Santa was asking for donations so he could buy toys for the little boys and girls whose families couldn't afford them this Christmas -- and then handed Santa something from me and the grandkids.

DEAR ABBY: Please help California's public hospitals and firefighters by spreading a winter safety message that can help your readers prevent serious injury, disfigurement and death. Every winter we see house fires and burns caused by candles, fireplaces and space heaters, which are often used to heat or light homes during the cold, dark days of winter.

Children are at particular risk. Our hospitals' burn centers say that at least one-third of their patients are under the age of 4. We all know children are curious and will touch just about anything that catches their eye, but very young children don't have the reflexes to remove their hand quickly when they touch something hot. That's why we urge parents of young children to be especially vigilant throughout the winter months.

Christmas trees also become increasingly hazardous after the holidays, when people wait too long to dispose of trees that have dried out and become more flammable. -- MELISSA STAFFORD JONES, CALIFORNIA ASSOCIATION OF PUBLIC HOSPITALS, AND KEVIN NIDA, CALIFORNIA STATE FIREFIGHTERS' ASSOCIATION

DEAR MELISSA AND KEVIN: I'm pleased to help remind my readers about the danger of burns in winter, and your warning that the longer Christmas trees are kept, the more easily they ignite.

After reading your letter I spoke with Capt. Steve Ruda, public information officer for the Los Angeles Fire Department, who pointed out that putting up a Christmas tree early increases the chances of a fire hazard. (Trees that are sold "freshly cut" are actually cut down in October.) He suggests that a good time to consider taking the tree down is when you touch it and the needles fall off easily.

Readers, search online for more safety tips, in both English and Spanish, at � HYPERLINK "http://www.caph.org" ��www.caph.org� or � HYPERLINK "http://www.csfa.net" ��www.csfa.net�. They're offered as public service messages from both of the above associations.

DEAR ABBY: Our mother embarrasses the heck out of us in restaurants. She makes lavish requests and is constantly complaining. How do we tell her she's embarrassing us? -- WE GOT A LEMON

DEAR GOT A LEMON: How about saying it in plain English when you're in private? And if she persists, don't take her to restaurants you visit often.

DEAR ABBY: Since being diagnosed with two types of cancer I have been unable to work. I have two wonderful dogs, and all my time is invested in them. I show them in obedience and agility exhibitions and love them dearly.

While talking with my husband of 25 years, I casually asked him about the dogs' care if I should pass away. His answer was shocking. He said he is prepared to give the dogs away -- to a good home, of course -- because he doesn't have the time and doesn't want to be bothered with them. What does this say about how he truly feels about me? -- DOGGIE BLUES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DOGGIE BLUES: What it says is your husband does not regard your dogs as extensions of you. It also says he is completely honest. Now that you know how he feels about your dogs, if you're smart, you will contact some of your friends on the dog show circuit and ensure that your dogs will be placed in homes where they are loved and appreciated -- preferably together -- should they outlive you. It will give you peace of mind, and your husband will have two less things to be "bothered" about in the event that you predecease him.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, who is six years younger, married for the first time at 42. Until she met her husband, who is overweight, she was never heavy. She always tried to watch her weight and exercised to a moderate degree. Once she met him, they found fine dining to be a favorite pleasure. She also has discovered that she loves to cook and watch the food channels on TV.

When we visit, talk or write, food dominates the topics. My sister has gained 70 or 80 pounds in six years. She doesn't exercise and won't buy a scale. My husband and I mention exercise or calories every time they discuss food. She does not appreciate "Big Sis" giving her advice, but I'm concerned about her. She doesn't read or watch the news, so I feel if I'm not telling her the risks, I'm just standing by watching her kill herself. What can I do? -- BATTLING A WEIGHTY ISSUE

DEAR BATTLING: First, stop lecturing your sister about her weight problem. Until she wants to address it, you will only alienate her. When she and her husband experience the health problems that may occur because of their obesity and sedentary lifestyle, be supportive and offer suggestions only if they are requested. The most unwelcome advice in the world is that which is unasked for. She will deal with her weight only when she's ready, and nothing you can do, however well-intentioned, will change that.

DEAR ABBY: I own a consignment shop and have an idea I would like to pass along to readers who need to do something with their wedding gowns, formals or other clothing. While donating to charity is a great idea, any community or school theater group would also greatly benefit from these donations.

It might open up an entirely new world if the person then attended the performance to see his or her clothing put to such good use. What do you think? -- JIM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR JIM: What a great idea. The more people who involve themselves with cultural activities in their communities, the better for all concerned. You're right -- it could open up new worlds (and opportunities) for those who choose to become involved.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school and I have a problem. I'm in a parasitic relationship. A boy at my school, "Dan," believes himself to be my best friend. It is sad because everyone acts as if he is invisible. I noticed that he was an outcast and went out of my way to be kind to him. He latched onto me and now follows me around at school.

I have a boyfriend who is really concerned, but neither of us knows how to approach this. Dan calls me at home and always asks if we can hang out "as friends." (I keep coming up with excuses to avoid it.) Dan is a nice guy, but this has been going on for two years and his attachment has only increased. I have no idea how to let him know our "friendship" has become too suffocating for me. Please help. -- OVERWHELMED IN OHIO

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Because he has been excluded by everyone else at school, it's not surprising that Dan is emotionally dependent on you. However, you have a boyfriend, your studies and a social life, and you need to explain that to Dan when he asks to "hang out." Those aren't excuses; they are facts. Say it kindly but firmly, and do not be defensive. If he persists, talk to a counselor at school.

In a few months high school will be over and Dan can move on and start building a life. Many successful adults weren't popular in high school. Perhaps when he thinks back, Dan will remember you as the one bright spot in a miserable experience.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a little girl, my family's idea of celebrating Christmas was opening some presents and renting a movie. I'm 15 now, and my parents barely acknowledge the holiday.

Last year on Christmas Day, my mother slept until after noon, then handed me $100. Dad did the same. I was grateful for the money, but a little hurt that they put no effort into buying gifts.

I am tired of trying to think up thoughtful gifts while all I get is a check handed to me without so much as a "Merry Christmas." Would I sound ungrateful if I asked my parents to put a little more thought into celebrating the holidays this year? -- NOT SO JOLLY CHRISTMAS

DEAR NOT SO JOLLY: Yes, you would. You might get a better result if you simply told your parents that you miss celebrating the holidays with them the way you have in the past, and ask them why things have changed. I'm sure you will find their answer to be enlightening.

DEAR ABBY: I know the holidays can be a stressful time of year -- and even more so when there has been a death in someone's family.

When a friend or family member loses a loved one, such as a child or close friend, what is the proper etiquette regarding gifts you may have sent or have sitting under the tree? What should the bereaved family do with the gifts? I must admit, I am curious -- especially being a member of the armed forces. -- MARIE IN CANADA

DEAR MARIE: If you are asking whether the gift(s) should be returned to the sender, I am sure the grieving family (or close friend) will have other things to think about that take precedence. Once a gift is sent, it should be up to the surviving relatives to decide whether to keep it or dispose of it -- whether by donating it, selling it or returning it to the sender.