DEAR ABBY: Since being diagnosed with two types of cancer I have been unable to work. I have two wonderful dogs, and all my time is invested in them. I show them in obedience and agility exhibitions and love them dearly.

While talking with my husband of 25 years, I casually asked him about the dogs' care if I should pass away. His answer was shocking. He said he is prepared to give the dogs away -- to a good home, of course -- because he doesn't have the time and doesn't want to be bothered with them. What does this say about how he truly feels about me? -- DOGGIE BLUES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DOGGIE BLUES: What it says is your husband does not regard your dogs as extensions of you. It also says he is completely honest. Now that you know how he feels about your dogs, if you're smart, you will contact some of your friends on the dog show circuit and ensure that your dogs will be placed in homes where they are loved and appreciated -- preferably together -- should they outlive you. It will give you peace of mind, and your husband will have two less things to be "bothered" about in the event that you predecease him.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, who is six years younger, married for the first time at 42. Until she met her husband, who is overweight, she was never heavy. She always tried to watch her weight and exercised to a moderate degree. Once she met him, they found fine dining to be a favorite pleasure. She also has discovered that she loves to cook and watch the food channels on TV.

When we visit, talk or write, food dominates the topics. My sister has gained 70 or 80 pounds in six years. She doesn't exercise and won't buy a scale. My husband and I mention exercise or calories every time they discuss food. She does not appreciate "Big Sis" giving her advice, but I'm concerned about her. She doesn't read or watch the news, so I feel if I'm not telling her the risks, I'm just standing by watching her kill herself. What can I do? -- BATTLING A WEIGHTY ISSUE

DEAR BATTLING: First, stop lecturing your sister about her weight problem. Until she wants to address it, you will only alienate her. When she and her husband experience the health problems that may occur because of their obesity and sedentary lifestyle, be supportive and offer suggestions only if they are requested. The most unwelcome advice in the world is that which is unasked for. She will deal with her weight only when she's ready, and nothing you can do, however well-intentioned, will change that.

DEAR ABBY: I own a consignment shop and have an idea I would like to pass along to readers who need to do something with their wedding gowns, formals or other clothing. While donating to charity is a great idea, any community or school theater group would also greatly benefit from these donations.

It might open up an entirely new world if the person then attended the performance to see his or her clothing put to such good use. What do you think? -- JIM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR JIM: What a great idea. The more people who involve themselves with cultural activities in their communities, the better for all concerned. You're right -- it could open up new worlds (and opportunities) for those who choose to become involved.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior in high school and I have a problem. I'm in a parasitic relationship. A boy at my school, "Dan," believes himself to be my best friend. It is sad because everyone acts as if he is invisible. I noticed that he was an outcast and went out of my way to be kind to him. He latched onto me and now follows me around at school.

I have a boyfriend who is really concerned, but neither of us knows how to approach this. Dan calls me at home and always asks if we can hang out "as friends." (I keep coming up with excuses to avoid it.) Dan is a nice guy, but this has been going on for two years and his attachment has only increased. I have no idea how to let him know our "friendship" has become too suffocating for me. Please help. -- OVERWHELMED IN OHIO

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Because he has been excluded by everyone else at school, it's not surprising that Dan is emotionally dependent on you. However, you have a boyfriend, your studies and a social life, and you need to explain that to Dan when he asks to "hang out." Those aren't excuses; they are facts. Say it kindly but firmly, and do not be defensive. If he persists, talk to a counselor at school.

In a few months high school will be over and Dan can move on and start building a life. Many successful adults weren't popular in high school. Perhaps when he thinks back, Dan will remember you as the one bright spot in a miserable experience.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a little girl, my family's idea of celebrating Christmas was opening some presents and renting a movie. I'm 15 now, and my parents barely acknowledge the holiday.

Last year on Christmas Day, my mother slept until after noon, then handed me $100. Dad did the same. I was grateful for the money, but a little hurt that they put no effort into buying gifts.

I am tired of trying to think up thoughtful gifts while all I get is a check handed to me without so much as a "Merry Christmas." Would I sound ungrateful if I asked my parents to put a little more thought into celebrating the holidays this year? -- NOT SO JOLLY CHRISTMAS

DEAR NOT SO JOLLY: Yes, you would. You might get a better result if you simply told your parents that you miss celebrating the holidays with them the way you have in the past, and ask them why things have changed. I'm sure you will find their answer to be enlightening.

DEAR ABBY: I know the holidays can be a stressful time of year -- and even more so when there has been a death in someone's family.

When a friend or family member loses a loved one, such as a child or close friend, what is the proper etiquette regarding gifts you may have sent or have sitting under the tree? What should the bereaved family do with the gifts? I must admit, I am curious -- especially being a member of the armed forces. -- MARIE IN CANADA

DEAR MARIE: If you are asking whether the gift(s) should be returned to the sender, I am sure the grieving family (or close friend) will have other things to think about that take precedence. Once a gift is sent, it should be up to the surviving relatives to decide whether to keep it or dispose of it -- whether by donating it, selling it or returning it to the sender.

DEAR ABBY: My father died this year. My husband and I were his primary caregivers. I was with him until his dying breath. After his passing, Mom asked us to move in so she wouldn't be alone. She has post-polio syndrome, but her biggest problem is her "princess syndrome."

She has trouble getting around, but is able to do some things while I'm at work all day. As soon as I walk in the door, she's all over me to do simple tasks that she could have done during the day. She complains the house isn't clean enough, or that this and that aren't done up to her standards.

Abby, it was easier to take care of all my dad's needs than it is to take care of hers! Her day consists of getting up at 10 a.m., watching soap operas and eating herself to more than 300 pounds. How do I deal with a mother with a major princess complex? -- NOT CINDERELLA

DEAR NOT CINDERELLA: Do it by having a frank conversation with your mother and telling her exactly what you have told me, without labeling her a princess. You should also insist that she be screened by her doctor for depression.

If her demands are more than you and your husband can deliver, then consider moving into a place of your own. However, if your mother realizes that the alternative is living alone, she may be inclined to compromise.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of one year (at the time) was considered by everyone to be the most caring, good husband. But he never wanted to have relations with me. After several months of investigation, I learned he had been seeing prostitutes. He even admitted to me that when he did have sex with me he was thinking of them. Fast-forward: I forgave him; we went to counseling.

Abby, he still never wants to have sex with me! When we do, it's because I initiate it. My self-confidence is shot. He says he "doesn't have a sex drive," so I can either accept him for all the positives -- of which there are many -- and not have a sex life, or not.

I have considered fulfilling my needs outside the marriage, and giving him the green light to do the same, but he's against it. I'm at a loss as to what to do. Should I just settle and be happy with what I have? -- WANTING MORE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTING MORE: You are obviously not happy with "what you have." And a man who engages the services of a prostitute does have a sex drive. You both need to be completely truthful with each other. Once you have reached that point, you will know what to do, and you won't have to ask me to make the decision for you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have reached an impasse. He says that breakfast, brunch or lunch is an acceptable time to spend with my girlfriends, but dinner is "family time" and should be spent at home with him.

He also says that girlfriends who spend a weekend away together are "up to no good." I see no problem with it. What are your thoughts? -- UNSURE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNSURE: Your boyfriend appears to be insecure, controlling and have a dim view of women. If you're smart, you will find someone who is less easily threatened by female bonding and let this one go.