DEAR ABBY: I would like to say something to my mother, but the truth is I don't know who my biological mother is. I was adopted when I was a baby. I have looked for her online over the years, but have yet to find her. I have asked myself many times what I'd say to her if I met her. Because I know it may never happen, I'm asking you to print my message:

"Mama, I don't know the circumstances of my birth, and I don't really care. All I know is that two loving parents adopted me and helped to shape me into the person I am. Today I am a successful professional with a loving spouse and wonderful children, to whom I try to give the best. I imagine that is what you wanted to do for me. Therefore, I have decided that I don't really need to find you and say, 'Thank you. You made a good choice. I am doing fine and I love you.'" -- HER THANKFUL SON

DEAR THANKFUL SON: I hope one day your birth mother will be fortunate enough to meet you and you can say those words to her in person. One of the most difficult decisions a mother can make, but one of the most loving, is to place a child for adoption when she is unable to provide a stable upbringing for her baby. Most birth mothers long for a reunion. And for them, as well as for you, I am printing your letter.

DEAR ABBY: I am a semi-retired professional man. My wife and I have an ongoing disagreement and would like the benefit or your wisdom. I was raised that when a man enters a house or a place of business, especially a restaurant, he should remove his hat. It annoys me to see young men sit in a restaurant wearing baseball caps, cowboys hats or even stocking caps.

My wife says times have changed -- recent generations were not raised the same way and I should just get over it. I say there is no right or wrong age for common etiquette. I can overlook this behavior in a fast-food restaurant, but I also see it happening in nice establishments. I believe that restaurant managers should ask men to remove their hats. If they refuse, at least they will have been told it is unacceptable behavior. Should I follow my wife's advice, or do I have a valid gripe? -- TONY IN FLORIDA

DEAR TONY: Some restaurants still insist that their patrons adhere to a strict dress code -- but fewer of them do than in decades ago. In recent years the rigid rules regarding the wearing of hats have relaxed -- in part, I suspect because of aging baby boomers who use baseball caps to camouflage their bald spots.

However, according to Emily Post, you do have a valid gripe. She says there are times when wearing a hat is appropriate, and times when it isn't. According to her, a man should remove his hat (and this includes baseball caps) upon entering a home, when indoors at work (especially in an office), at mealtime at the table, in restaurants and coffee shops (the italics are mine), at a movie or indoor performance, when the National Anthem is played and when the American flag passes by as in a parade.

DEAR ABBY: Before she died last May, my wife ordered Christmas cards with both of our names printed on them. Should I send those cards, Abby? It would comfort me to still have our names linked together. -- WIDOWED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR WIDOWED: If it brings you comfort, send them. And if you are questioned about it, tell the person the reason why.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old woman and my best friend is a guy, "Trevor." After hearing him call me "Sweetie" and say he's smitten with me and crazy about me, I mustered up the courage to talk with him about taking our friendship to the next level -- dating. Trevor responded that his emotions are in a "blender" right now and that he doesn't want to deal with them. He said he doesn't want to make promises in the future he can't keep. He also said he loves me and wants to continue to be best friends.

I know in my heart that it would be beautiful if Trevor just gave us a chance. I'm ready to date him. In fact, we already act like a couple. My friends say I should give up on him, but isn't a solid relationship built on a strong base of friendship? Should we remain best friends? -- MAD ABOUT HIM IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR MAD ABOUT HIM: The answer to both your questions is yes. However, best friends are free to date others -- and that seems to be what Trevor would prefer right now: no commitments. Loving someone and being in love with someone are not the same. And while Trevor's emotions are "in a blender," he is clear that he wants his freedom. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for almost a year and am the mother of two daughters. I am dating two very nice men, and I have been open and honest with both of them about not wanting a serious relationship right now. They both understand. The problem is my sister seems to feel that I need to make a commitment to one of them because if I don't, I will be viewed as a "player." She hasn't spoken to me in weeks because of this "issue."

Is it wrong of me to date more than one man at a time even if I am absolutely honest with them about it? I am not ready to settle down, and I enjoy dating both of them. How do I handle this with my sister? -- NOT PLAYING FOR KEEPS

DEAR NOT PLAYING FOR KEEPS: The way to "handle" her is to ignore the silence and not allow her to push your buttons. By giving you the silent treatment, your sister is attempting to control your life. You are an adult, and you should not allow your sister -- however well-meaning she may be -- to pressure you.

DEAR ABBY: Today I witnessed two incidents of apparently well-meaning parents swatting their small children's behinds -- in public, no less. I cannot believe in these enlightened times this is still considered acceptable by otherwise intelligent people.

As an elementary school teacher, I can tell which children have been subjected to physical discipline at home. They seem more fearful and angry and are more likely to hit another child because children learn through mimicry. In school or in public, a child who swats another child is liable to be lectured on bullying, sued or even arrested. Hitting someone other than your own child is called "assault" in legal terms.

Any degree of swatting may seem effective because it gets the child's attention in the moment, but in the long run, it is counterproductive.

I believe all high schools should offer mandatory child-rearing classes for both genders to break this harmful cycle, and to teach more effective forms of discipline. -- ANY CHILD'S TEACHER

DEAR ANY CHILD'S TEACHER: I agree with you 100 percent!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: My husband "Zak" and I have been married five years. His brother "Tom" has never liked me. In fact, he went out of his way to ruin our wedding. Just before the ceremony he feigned a dramatic illness, yelled obscenities at my aunt for taking pictures and refused to wear his dress shirt or tie. Abby, he was a groomsman.

Tom is being married this spring to a woman who likes me even less than he does. I want no part of their wedding, nor do I even want to attend. Zak insists that I go and be "civil." Is my husband right? Should I swallow my feelings and go to the wedding, or am I justified in sitting this one out? -- THE "BLACK SHEEP" IN-LAW

DEAR B.S.I.L: While I understand your feelings, my advice is to go to the wedding and be civil. Don't do it for Tom and his fiancee. Do it for your husband. Considering the way your brother- and sister-in-law-to-be appear to feel about you, you won't have to tolerate their company often, so count your blessings.

DEAR ABBY: I had an affair with a married man for about nine months. I broke it off after finally realizing it wasn't going anywhere and he was lying to me about his intentions. Part of me wants him to feel pain for his actions. I want to contact his spouse anonymously and tell him not to trust him. Most of my friends advise against this, while a few tell me to go ahead. What do you think? -- JOHN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR JOHN: Please do not represent yourself as an example of injured and outraged virtue "done wrong" by a married man. You knew he was married and you were a willing participant. If you insist on contacting your lover's spouse and causing pain, have the testicular fortitude to identify yourself. To do so anonymously would be cowardly.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago my son went away to school and met a girl from another state who had no family or friends here. "Celia" was adopted as a baby and didn't get along well with her adoptive family. When my son returned home, Celia came with him -- engaged. Our family accepted her into our home and our hearts.

When their engagement was called off, because Celia had nowhere to go, she moved in with me and my husband. She continued to live with us until she met someone and they were married. She is close to my other kids, especially my two daughters.

Celia recently gave birth to a baby boy. She refers to me as his grandma, which pleases me greatly. I have two other grandchildren whom I adore. My question is, how do I explain to people who ask, when I have the baby, who he is? When I say "my grandson," they ask me from which of my kids. That leads to a long, drawn-out explanation I don't always feel like making. -- FULL OF LOVE IN MISSOURI

DEAR FULL OF LOVE: Why not say, "My honorary grandson"? And if you are questioned further, add, "His mother is like a daughter to me."