DEAR ABBY: I'm 15, and my parents have fought constantly for years. Dad is an alcoholic. I guess you could say I have kind of given up on him. I'm involved in many sports, but rarely does he show up to support me, unlike my mom who is there at every game.

Dad has now left us. He still calls Mom just about every day, and he stops by the house to "check up" on things about three times a week.

Mom forced me to send him a "Happy Birthday" text. She wants me to start talking to him again and to build a relationship with him, but I think he has missed out on too much of my life already. (He even missed my first prom!) I don't feel I need him in my life, or that he deserves me in his. What should I do? -- LET DOWN BY DAD IN KANSAS

DEAR LET DOWN: Because you are close to your mother, you need to have her explain to you why she feels it is important for you to include your father in your life. If he is trying to quit drinking, she may have good reasons for wanting you to.

While I understand and sympathize with the fact that your father has disappointed you and that you are angry about it, carrying that kind of anger can be more destructive to you than it is to him. That's why it could be helpful to you to check out a support group called Alateen. It was started especially to help young people whose lives have been affected by the compulsive drinking of a family member or a friend. It offers a booklet titled "Al-Anon Faces Alcoholism 2011," which can be read on the Al-Anon website at � HYPERLINK "http://www.Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org" ��www.Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org�. If you would like to order a postage-paid free copy, direct your request to � HYPERLINK "mailto:wso@Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org" ��wso@Al-AnonFamilyGroups.org�, or mail a request to Al-Anon Family Groups, 1600 Corporate Landing Parkway, Virginia Beach, VA 23454-5617.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Harper" for two months. He now involves me in his family dinners and events on a weekly basis. I feel weird going to family functions that include his mom, dad, brother, sister, and their spouses and kids. Sometimes even extended family members and friends attend.

Harper loves including me, but it's overwhelming because it feels too soon to spend so much time with them. My anxiety has me in a panic during nearly every visit. I'm having a hard time saying no because it's all so normal for Harper. I dread going to his family's for dinner for fear that it will turn into "card night."

Harper's ex-girlfriend was fine with being included in everything. I feel like I'm stepping into her shoes, and I don't like how it feels. Harper never forces me to go, but I have to find a way to tell him it's not necessary for me to accompany him every week. I don't want to offend him or his family. Help! -- TOO MUCH, TOO SOON

DEAR TOO MUCH, TOO SOON: You need to recognize that Harper is extremely close to his family and that his idea of a good time is seeing and interacting with them. If you continue to date him, you will have to accept that his family -- including extended family, friends and card nights -- will be a large part of the package.

Many women might welcome being wrapped in the embrace of a large, warm family, but because you feel otherwise, it's time to level with him and tell him that you're finding this overwhelming.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's father is very odd socially. If there is a line, he will unknowingly cross it. He has no sense of what is appropriate when it comes to personal space, and his only friends are teenagers. His wife and two grown children are constantly upset with his bizarre behavior, but dare not bring it up with him for fear of hurting his feelings.

As a health care worker, I suspect he has Asperger's syndrome, for which behavioral treatment is available. Must I "just ignore" this man's odd conduct as well? Or should I speak with my boyfriend about my suspicions in order to get his father help? -- NEW DOCTOR IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NEW DOCTOR: Of course you should discuss this with your boyfriend. To do so would be a kindness. Whether his father is open to therapy is not assured -- but if he's intelligent, he must be aware that he doesn't fit in with his contemporaries, and he may accept help if it is offered.

DEAR ABBY: As we head toward Christmas, would you remind people to please treat others as they, themselves, would want to be treated?

I work in retail, and it's amazing how many customers are rude. They don't acknowledge us, they'll talk on their cell phone throughout transactions and become angry at us if something beyond our control goes wrong. If we were to treat them this way, they would surely file a complaint against us.

Abby, can you remind folks to remember what the reason for the season is, and to act toward others with kindness, patience and respect -- no matter what? -- MINDFUL IN FAIRBANKS

DEAR MINDFUL: There is something about Christmas that can turn the most angelic individuals into gremlins. And that "something" is the pressure to buy, buy, buy -- accumulating debt that can't be repaid for months or even longer. Add to that, no place to park and long lines in understaffed malls, and the "joy" of the season can curdle into frustration.

But readers, please hang onto your tempers even if those around you are losing theirs. The folks behind the counters are people, too, and they feel as pressured if not more so -- than you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 40 years. Five years ago, she told me she didn't want me in our bedroom and that she is "off limits." She said she is not interested in me "that way" anymore.

DEAR MISSING: I think you should talk to a counselor without her. You have some important decisions to make about how you will spend the rest of your life, and it's a shame your wife does not want to be a part of the discussion and, possibly, reach a compromise. But unless both of you are happy being roommates, the current situation is unfair to you.

Other than that, we have a great marriage and we're best friends, but I can't go on like this. I have suggested counseling, but she refuses to go. What do you think I should do? -- MISSING THE KISSING

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Petless in Maryland" (10/13), who moved without her dog, cat and goldfish, but wants to encourage her son's love of animals. Your advice was spot-on, but there is a deeper issue that was not addressed. By moving and leaving their pets behind, she has taught her son that animals are "disposable." An animal is a commitment for life, not an object to be disposed of once one's lifestyle changes. A pet is a member of the family, the same as a child or other family member.

"Petless" should have kept looking until they found an affordable place where they could keep their pets. The shelters are full of pets who have been abandoned by their families due to moves, divorces, etc.

"Petless" cannot afford the fees to keep a pet -- but I'm willing to bet that she can afford a cell phone, cable TV, etc. She missed a chance to teach her son how to be a responsible pet owner, and how to honor the commitment that was made to those pets. What a shame. -- RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER, READING, PA.

DEAR RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER: Your point is well-taken, and some readers did agree with you. However, not knowing the woman's circumstances, I am unwilling to judge her. Other readers did reach out to offer ways to encourage "Toby" to love animals and someday become a responsible pet owner. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: There are a lot of options for pet lovers without resources for permanent adoption. "Petless" could contact the local SPCA and other agencies that might be looking for volunteers to have "visits" with pets. There is also a pretty big market for "dog walkers." There is even a market for pet sitters, who do it to make extra money for their families. -- SANDI IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: There are rescue groups that have to put some of their adoptable dogs into boarding while they wait for a forever home. These dogs would love an hour or two of "breaking jail" for a walk or a trip to the dog park. A reputable organization would know the personalities of their dogs and be able to steer the mom toward "kid-tested" dogs that would get along great with her son. It would not only be an excellent way to encourage the boy, but also a wonderful thing for the dogs. -- ASHLEY IN SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: How about "Petless" contacting a senior center to see which seniors might need assistance with walking their dogs or with cat care? An assisted-living facility could also use this type of help. It would provide "Toby" a chance to share the love of animals, and the elderly residents would welcome such a sweet helper. -- PEGEEN IN RIO RANCHO, NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: You frequently recommend readers seek therapy. I have been in therapy for eight years and see very little progress. Do you have any statistics that prove how helpful therapy actually is? -- SKEPTICAL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SKEPTICAL: Although I don't have statistics, I do have testimonials from individuals who have found therapy to be beneficial. I have printed some of them in this column. I do, however, have a suggestion for you: After eight years and "very little progress," you may be with the wrong person, and you should seriously consider changing therapists.