DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's father is very odd socially. If there is a line, he will unknowingly cross it. He has no sense of what is appropriate when it comes to personal space, and his only friends are teenagers. His wife and two grown children are constantly upset with his bizarre behavior, but dare not bring it up with him for fear of hurting his feelings.

As a health care worker, I suspect he has Asperger's syndrome, for which behavioral treatment is available. Must I "just ignore" this man's odd conduct as well? Or should I speak with my boyfriend about my suspicions in order to get his father help? -- NEW DOCTOR IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR NEW DOCTOR: Of course you should discuss this with your boyfriend. To do so would be a kindness. Whether his father is open to therapy is not assured -- but if he's intelligent, he must be aware that he doesn't fit in with his contemporaries, and he may accept help if it is offered.

DEAR ABBY: As we head toward Christmas, would you remind people to please treat others as they, themselves, would want to be treated?

I work in retail, and it's amazing how many customers are rude. They don't acknowledge us, they'll talk on their cell phone throughout transactions and become angry at us if something beyond our control goes wrong. If we were to treat them this way, they would surely file a complaint against us.

Abby, can you remind folks to remember what the reason for the season is, and to act toward others with kindness, patience and respect -- no matter what? -- MINDFUL IN FAIRBANKS

DEAR MINDFUL: There is something about Christmas that can turn the most angelic individuals into gremlins. And that "something" is the pressure to buy, buy, buy -- accumulating debt that can't be repaid for months or even longer. Add to that, no place to park and long lines in understaffed malls, and the "joy" of the season can curdle into frustration.

But readers, please hang onto your tempers even if those around you are losing theirs. The folks behind the counters are people, too, and they feel as pressured if not more so -- than you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 40 years. Five years ago, she told me she didn't want me in our bedroom and that she is "off limits." She said she is not interested in me "that way" anymore.

Other than that, we have a great marriage and we're best friends, but I can't go on like this. I have suggested counseling, but she refuses to go. What do you think I should do? -- MISSING THE KISSING

DEAR MISSING: I think you should talk to a counselor without her. You have some important decisions to make about how you will spend the rest of your life, and it's a shame your wife does not want to be a part of the discussion and, possibly, reach a compromise. But unless both of you are happy being roommates, the current situation is unfair to you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to the letter from "Petless in Maryland" (10/13), who moved without her dog, cat and goldfish, but wants to encourage her son's love of animals. Your advice was spot-on, but there is a deeper issue that was not addressed. By moving and leaving their pets behind, she has taught her son that animals are "disposable." An animal is a commitment for life, not an object to be disposed of once one's lifestyle changes. A pet is a member of the family, the same as a child or other family member.

"Petless" should have kept looking until they found an affordable place where they could keep their pets. The shelters are full of pets who have been abandoned by their families due to moves, divorces, etc.

"Petless" cannot afford the fees to keep a pet -- but I'm willing to bet that she can afford a cell phone, cable TV, etc. She missed a chance to teach her son how to be a responsible pet owner, and how to honor the commitment that was made to those pets. What a shame. -- RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER, READING, PA.

DEAR RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER: Your point is well-taken, and some readers did agree with you. However, not knowing the woman's circumstances, I am unwilling to judge her. Other readers did reach out to offer ways to encourage "Toby" to love animals and someday become a responsible pet owner. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: There are a lot of options for pet lovers without resources for permanent adoption. "Petless" could contact the local SPCA and other agencies that might be looking for volunteers to have "visits" with pets. There is also a pretty big market for "dog walkers." There is even a market for pet sitters, who do it to make extra money for their families. -- SANDI IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: There are rescue groups that have to put some of their adoptable dogs into boarding while they wait for a forever home. These dogs would love an hour or two of "breaking jail" for a walk or a trip to the dog park. A reputable organization would know the personalities of their dogs and be able to steer the mom toward "kid-tested" dogs that would get along great with her son. It would not only be an excellent way to encourage the boy, but also a wonderful thing for the dogs. -- ASHLEY IN SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: How about "Petless" contacting a senior center to see which seniors might need assistance with walking their dogs or with cat care? An assisted-living facility could also use this type of help. It would provide "Toby" a chance to share the love of animals, and the elderly residents would welcome such a sweet helper. -- PEGEEN IN RIO RANCHO, NEW MEXICO

DEAR ABBY: You frequently recommend readers seek therapy. I have been in therapy for eight years and see very little progress. Do you have any statistics that prove how helpful therapy actually is? -- SKEPTICAL IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SKEPTICAL: Although I don't have statistics, I do have testimonials from individuals who have found therapy to be beneficial. I have printed some of them in this column. I do, however, have a suggestion for you: After eight years and "very little progress," you may be with the wrong person, and you should seriously consider changing therapists.

DEAR ABBY: My 1-year-old son and I spent the weekend at my parents' house. We had a wonderful time. Mom and Dad showered us with love and attention. It was like being at a resort even though their house is small. The size didn't matter until, at 4:30 a.m. through paper-thin walls, I was awakened by my parents making love.

Unfortunately, this was a familiar sound from my childhood. I didn't know how to handle it when I was growing up, and it appears, at 34, I still don't know what to say. I'm glad my parents still enjoy each other. My mother is sweet but becomes very defensive when confronted, and my dad is painfully shy. Should I talk to them about this, or just make arrangements to stay elsewhere the next time I visit? -- I CAN HEAR YOU IN MICHIGAN

DEAR I CAN HEAR YOU: The next time you plan to visit, make reservations at a nearby hotel. If you are asked why, just say that you are all adults and you all need your privacy. It's a tactful way to deliver the message without being "confrontational."

DEAR ABBY: Back in 1961 some neighborhood kids were showing off their "battle scars." The three children (who lived across the street) were certain they deserved a beating, but were clueless about why. It kept happening. The practice of keeping secrets was common back then, but I knew the beatings were wrong.

Decades later, I was visiting the now-grown daughter and her mother when the subject turned to child abuse. The mom turned to her daughter and commented, "You probably don't remember because you were only 6, but your dad used to get drunk and beat up you and your younger brothers. A neighbor found out, so your dad stopped drinking."

Abby, I was that neighbor. I was only 7 at the time, but I had read the Dear Abby column, which appeared on the comics page. My solution was to hang on that family's front door your mom's column saying that child abuse required the law's intervention. To the father's credit, the anonymous threat of losing his toddlers got him to stop.

That column was a lifesaver, and I thought you'd like to know. -- FRAN IN HONOKA'A, HAWAII

DEAR FRAN: You may have been young, but you certainly were precocious and proactive. I hope you realize that what you did not only saved the family, but also may have saved some lives.

P.S. And I'm sure the daughter did remember.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I disagree about giving alcohol as a holiday gift at a company party. He says it's always an acceptable gift, because even if people don't drink they can share it with future guests.

I think many people would be dismayed to receive alcohol. What do you think? -- SUSAN IN SOUTHERN OREGON

DEAR SUSAN: I agree with your boyfriend. The only time that alcohol would be an inappropriate gift is when the giver knows the recipient doesn't use it. If the person is "dismayed," it can always be regifted.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: The eight days of Hanukkah begin at sundown. (I cannot believe how early it has fallen this year.) Happy Hanukkah, everyone. A joyous Festival of Lights to all of you!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)