DEAR ABBY: My children think that "because their friends can" they should be able to get, buy or do something. I encounter this problem often, especially when it's bedtime.

My children are 10 and 13, and they need to learn to appreciate the good parents they have because we don't give in to all of their requests. Abby, any suggestions that may help us with this situation would be appreciated. -- GOOD PARENTS IN WOODSTOCK, ILL.

DEAR GOOD PARENTS: At 10 and 13, your children are old enough to understand the concept that not all families are alike. Because a friend of theirs enjoys a privilege or has something they don't have does not mean that your children must.

I wish you had been more specific about the problem that occurs at bedtime. If they are arguing about the hour, they need to understand that for them to perform well in school they need a solid night's sleep. It is well-known that sleep-deprived kids can't learn.

If your children are asking for "things," then let me remind you that parents who grant a child's every wish fail to teach that child one of life's most important lessons: how to cope with disappointment. So please don't feel guilty about drawing the line, or asking your children how they plan to earn whatever it is they're asking for.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student who has found the man of my dreams. We have been dating for a year and a half and have been through a lot together. We both believe it is acceptable (and in our case, preferable) for a woman to be a stay-at-home mother and wife. I do not have a problem with having dinner on the table when he arrives home.

However, the number of people who have deemed our views "unacceptable" and "disgraceful" is astounding. I was actually spit on by a woman who accused me of being "the problem with women." She called me "weak" and a disappointment to womanhood across the nation. I'm so offended by her attack.

Am I wrong in thinking it is fine for a woman to be taken care of by her husband? Should I feel the need to be a working mom and wife? Am I too traditional for modern times? Please help me to see the whole picture. -- LUCKY LADY IN LARAMIE

DEAR LUCKY LADY: The personal attack on you was uncalled for, and the woman who spat on you was hardly a role model for liberated women across the nation. Whether you choose to try to juggle a marriage and a career is a personal decision. Not every woman is able to manage it successfully.

That said, many households in the U.S. are headed by single women, and it usually wasn't a matter of choice. That's why it's so important for women to complete their education before being married and to be qualified for a career should the need arise. And it's also why having a prenuptial agreement in place before heading for the altar is advisable.

While it isn't wrong to think it is fine for a woman to be taken care of by her husband, the truth is it doesn't always work out that way. And it couldn't hurt you to have a few years of work experience before starting a family -- just in case.

DEAR ABBY: My 24-year-old daughter married her high school sweetheart whom she has been with for nine years. He was unfaithful to her while they were dating. They have been married a year now, and he has been unfaithful several more times during their married life.

She has left him twice. The second time she filed for divorce, but he talked her into taking him back. He promises to be faithful to her now.

They are so young, and I hate to see her live a life with a man who is a cheater. There are no children, and my daughter has a college education. Abby, my question is: After repeated cheating, do men ever become faithful husbands? -- SICK WITH WORRY IN MONTANA

DEAR SICK WITH WORRY: Because your son-in-law continued being unfaithful to your daughter more than once, I seriously doubt that he's going to quit. When a man -- or woman -- forms a pattern of cheating, it rarely stops. I hope your daughter understands that before having children.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old daughter "Kaylee" recently spent a weekend with her grandparents. While she was there, they bought her several gifts.

Today her grandmother called and asked to have one of the gifts back. A friend of hers would like to have the decorative musical instruments she gave to Kaylee. Grandma's idea is to offer to buy something else for my daughter and "trade."

I don't know how to handle this. I can't imagine asking someone to return a present I had given him or her. Kaylee loves the instruments and has been playing with them every day since she received them. However, I think her grandma (my stepmother) will be upset if I don't go along with her plan. Abby, help! -- AGHAST IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR AGHAST: Once a gift is given, it belongs to the person who received it. Of course, your stepmother can offer your daughter the idea of a "trade." However, if Kaylee isn't keen on the idea, then you must tell Grandma her idea went over like a lead balloon and her friend is out of luck.

DEAR ABBY: It will soon be that time of year when adult children will wrack their brains to find Christmas gifts for their elderly parents. Two years ago, my daughter gave me the gift of a lifetime -- my pets' lives.

Knowing how much my dog and cats mean to me since I live alone, she and my son-in-law called to say that instead of giving me another knickknack for Christmas, my birthday or Mother's Day, they would pay all my veterinary bills for the life of each pet. It was a welcome surprise and a special, thoughtful gift.

Pets bring companionship and comfort to those of us who live alone on fixed incomes. Knowing they will have the proper veterinary care is, indeed, the gift of a lifetime. Even if you can't assume all the costs of your parents' pets, chipping in on holidays would help a lot. -- APPRECIATIVE MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR APPRECIATIVE MOM: I agree, and that's why I'm printing your letter. With so many people feeling stressed economically, your letter may provide the "purr-fect" solution to what to get for an older relative.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a back-seat driver who seems to get more anxious every time we go anywhere together. She tells me to slow down, which lights to watch, which lane I should be in, which cars are braking, which ones are speeding, where the semi-trucks are if she thinks they're getting too close, and how to drive in various weather conditions. She'll move her foot to an imaginary brake on the passenger side, squirm in her seat and hang onto the handle above the passenger door while I'm doing my best to concentrate on my driving. It's very distracting.

My wife is not willing to drive when we're going somewhere, although I have offered to let her. She also refuses to sit back and relax because you can't control another person's driving. If I ignore her, she becomes irritated and says I'm not paying attention to her concerns. I have never had a serious accident and have had none in the past 15 years. What can I do about this? -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR DRIVEN: For openers, slow down! When a passenger hangs onto the handle above the door, slams on an imaginary brake and scrunches back in the passenger seat, it means you're approaching the car ahead of you too fast and the person is bracing for impact.

Next, make clear to your wife before you pull out of the driveway that what she has been doing is distracting to the point that instead of averting an accident, she could very well cause one -- so it's important she leave the driving to the driver. If she is still uncomfortable, she should either sit in the back seat or the two of you should drive separately.

DEAR ABBY: I have four granddaughters ranging in age from 8 months to 9 years. What can we do to help them become confident, self-assured women? -- GRANDMA LINDA IN SHELBY, ALA.

DEAR GRANDMA LINDA: Spend time with them, listen to them, and let them know you love them and they are important to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of the groom. My husband and I are hosting the wedding rehearsal dinner. The bride's mother informed me that she is going to have a slide show of the bride's and groom's baby pictures at the dinner.

What do you think of this practice? I thought she should have at least asked my permission. I did tell her I was not a fan of the idea because I was at a wedding reception where it was done and the comments from the guests were not complimentary. Please comment. -- TASTEFUL MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR TASTEFUL MOM: I think showing the bride's and groom's baby pictures at the rehearsal dinner would be rather sweet. I'm sure they will elicit many "Awws" and "Weren't they cute!" And the guests will be limited to the bridal party and out-of-town guests, a smaller crowd than would attend the wedding reception.

Because your in-law-to-be won't be able to get her hands on photos of your son without your cooperation, select some you like and share them. If you don't, it will cause hard feelings. And yes, she should have asked permission. Chalk up the fact that she didn't to her excitement and a desire to contribute.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)