DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and about six months ago my mom confiscated my iPod because I misbehaved. When it was time to get my iPod back, my mom couldn't find it. We have been searching everywhere in the house for it -- but it's gone.

My iPod is very important to me because almost every cent I earned went into buying the music and applications. The amount of money I spent is greater than the cost of the iPod itself. I asked my mother to buy me a new one to replace the one she lost, but she said it was my fault that it was taken away, and she could not keep track of where it was.

I think it is unfair that my mom lost something I spent so much on. Who is responsible for buying a new one? -- MUSIC-STARVED IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR MUSIC-STARVED: Good parents model responsible behavior for their children; that's how children learn. You misbehaved and you were punished for it. If the agreement was that you would get your iPod back, and your mother lost it, then she should replace it -- including the money you invested in loading it. She should be ashamed of herself for trying to weasel out of it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ethan," and I have graduated from a prestigious four-year university. We have stable incomes and bright futures ahead of us, and we're planning and saving for a wedding within the next two years.

The problem is, we feel like oddballs in our group of friends -- ostracized and shunned. They feel our level of commitment is too great for our ages and that it's wrong to want to marry so young. My friends constantly say bad things about Ethan, and I'm tired of defending our relationship. Is there something wrong with being committed? What can I say to my friends the next time they put down my relationship? -- YOUNG BUT SERIOUS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR YOUNG BUT SERIOUS: You and Ethan are out of school. Planning a wedding in two years doesn't appear to be rushing into anything. You do not have to "defend" your relationship to anyone.

Tell your friends you feel lucky to have found "the one" so early, and that you wish them luck in their own searches. Tell them that when they put Ethan down, it shows a lack of respect for your judgment. And start looking for other couples with whom to socialize so you're not so dependent upon this group. If they are uncomfortable with the idea of including a "committed couple" in their circle, then you and Ethan may have outgrown them.

DEAR ABBY: I wear colored contact lenses that make my blue eyes appear much more defined. When I wear blue clothing it makes my eyes stand out even more.

Many people comment on my eye color, but I find questions such as "Are they real?" or "They must be contacts" to be rude. I would never ask someone with nice hair if it was dyed or a wig.

Have you any suggestions on what I should say in response to these comments? -- VERY BLUE-EYED IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR VERY BLUE-EYED: What the people are conveying through their questions and comments is that you are not fooling anybody. Because your natural eye color is blue and you are wearing contact lenses, answer yes to both questions. However, you do not need to elaborate further.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I returned to our hometown and bought a bungalow in a cute older neighborhood. The homes are close together, separated by a single driveway.

Our neighbors on both sides of us are smokers. They smoke on their front porches and flick their smoldering butts onto the driveway and yard. The ground is littered with them, which my two toddlers want to put into their mouths every time they go outside. Often I'll go out with a bag and collect the butts, but it's annoying having to pick up someone's easily discarded trash -- particularly trash that has been in someone's mouth.

My neighbors are pretty rough, and I'm afraid a confrontation could result in an escalation of the problem. Should I continue gathering up the butts and keep my mouth shut? Or should I just "butt out"? -- BOTHERED IN MISSOURI

DEAR BOTHERED: If you are concerned about a hostile reaction from your neighbors, do not approach them -- particularly if you're afraid that doing so could become confrontational. Instead, plant hedges or bushes between your property and theirs, and have your children play -- under your supervision -- in the backyard.

DEAR ABBY: My mom has three sisters, two of whom I am very close to and love dearly. The problem is the third sister, "Aunt Sandy." She had a falling out with Mom a few years ago and is now considered the black sheep of the family.

At my grandmother's funeral, I had the chance to sit and talk with her, and I didn't feel I was doing anything wrong. However, my mom told me later she was "hurt" because I had talked to Aunt Sandy knowing the family is upset with her. Mom said she'd appreciate it if I didn't do it again. I tried to explain that the way she feels about her sister shouldn't have anything to do with our relationship, but Mom refuses to understand. I want a connection with my Aunt Sandy without hurting my mom. Please help. -- WE'RE STILL RELATED

DEAR STILL RELATED: I wish you had told me in more detail why your mother is angry with Sandy, and why the rest of the family is cooperating in isolating her. However, you are an adult. Whom you choose to befriend is your business, not your mother's. If you wish to pursue a relationship with Aunt Sandy, you are free to do so. And if you don't want your mother to be "hurt," don't discuss it with her.

DEAR ABBY: I was walking to lunch a few days ago and approached the entrance of a restaurant a couple of seconds after a man approaching from the opposite direction. He was a gentleman and held the door for me. I said thank you and walked inside.

Even though he was there first, I wound up in front of him in a long line. Are there rules of etiquette for this? I felt a little awkward essentially cutting in line after he was so chivalrous. -- NICOLE IN DENVER

DEAR NICOLE: There is no rule of etiquette that dictates it, but you could have offered the gentleman a chance to be in line in front of you. However, if you did, he might have extended his chivalry further and refused.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl about to start looking for my first job. I have four facial piercings and I feel they may be detrimental to finding one.

I have researched effective ways of hiding my choices in jewelry. My question is, during an interview, is it OK to ask about a company's policy on piercings? My mother thinks I shouldn't, but I feel it might be a good idea to be upfront about the way I like to look.

Taking the piercings out is not an option. I have invested too much time, energy, money and pain. The fact that I can keep my piercings clean and healthy should speak for my level of responsibility. I would love some advice, Abby. -- BEJEWELED IN OTTAWA

DEAR BEJEWELED: Many businesses and companies have strict codes that cover how they want their employees to look while representing them. Regardless of how clean you keep your body jewelry, if you don't fit their "brand" image, you will not qualify.

Because you have too much invested in your piercings to remove them, my advice is to interview with companies that are involved in the arts, fashion, media and Internet technology. They cater to a younger, more liberal demographic, and you will be free to be more yourself than have to project a corporate image.

DEAR ABBY: My question has to do with gift giving and receiving. My mother-in-law has a standard reaction after she is given a gift. She scrunches up her face and starts yelling, "I thought I told you no gifties." It's not a polite, "I wish you hadn't spent your money on me." She then proceeds to open the package and starts complaining about the tape, ribbons, etc., her standard comments being, "Do you have any tape left at your house?" or, "I know who wrapped this one!" directed at me. Then she says, "What am I supposed to do with this?" or some other put-down.

I have found myself offering gifts at other times of the year -- something to keep her warm or that she needs -- always unwrapped and casually delivered. My question is, "What's wrong with me?" -- "NO GIFTIES" IN GRAHAM, WASH.

DEAR "NO GIFTIES": What's "wrong" with you is you're a glutton for punishment. This year, take your mother-in-law at her word and "surprise" her by giving her what she has said she wanted all these years: nothing. Then she'll be speechless.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ronald" exclusively for eight months. I invited him to our family Thanksgiving dinner and he accepted, but then he decided to go to his brother's instead. (They invited him two weeks after I had asked him.)

Shouldn't couples be together for the holidays, or am I asking too much? Ronald has met my parents, but I have yet to meet any of his family. Is this a sign that he just doesn't care? -- DISAPPOINTED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Let me put it this way: It's a sign that Ronald doesn't care as much as you do.