DEAR ABBY: I am hosting Thanksgiving this year. I consider it a joy to bring family together to share traditions. However, two of the uncles insist on blaring sports games on our TV during these gatherings. Neither I nor my husband or parents are interested in sports. Usually there is money riding on these games, and there are loud discussions about bets and other things I would rather my kids not hear. We can't move the TV because it's too large, and forcing them to turn it off kills the holiday cheer.

How do I learn to live with the noise of a stadium gamecast over every holiday? My home is where the family gathers on most of them. -- NOT AN ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACK IN INDIANA

DEAR NOT: The sports events have become part of the tradition, and nothing you or I can say will change that. If you are concerned about your children overhearing something they shouldn't, have them play in another room and provide games to occupy them, or ask that they "help" you prepare the meal or set the table. That should keep them occupied and out of the way.

As to your learning to live with the noise of the telecast, it might help if you repeat the Serenity Prayer from AA:

God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can,

and wisdom to know the difference. -- REINHOLD NIEBUHR

DEAR ABBY: My wife "Julie" and I have been married a year. On our first date she asked me if I liked dogs. I told her no because I'm allergic to them. However, because we were compatible in so many other ways, I worked past this difference and tolerated "Fido." I walked him at times and began taking allergy medication when we started living together. I did it out of love and respect for my wife.

Julie returned the respect in kind. My late grandmother had given me a blanket decorated with characters from a favorite TV show when I was a child. Although it clashed with our furniture, Julie draped it over the couch in our den because she knew it was meaningful to me.

I was away on a business trip when Fido died. I sent flowers and called my wife, expressing my condolences. When I returned a few days later I noticed my blanket was missing. When I asked where it was, Julie tore into me saying I had never liked Fido and she had buried him with my blanket! I was furious and let her know with a few choice words.

It has been a week and the mood here is strained. I'm still angry about what she did. Do I have the right to be upset? -- STRESSED AND STEAMED

DEAR STEAMED: Anger is a part of grief, but what your wife did was wrong. She took something that didn't belong to her and that was precious to you and destroyed it. She did it because she wanted you to feel the same kind of loss that she was suffering. It was immature, unkind and hostile. You are certainly entitled to your feelings. She owes you a sincere apology.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 10-year-old daughter. We live in a complex that houses about 250 people.

I'm a naturally friendly person, but also very private. When the weather is warm, I love having my shades up and my windows open. My daughter enjoys the fresh air, so she's out in the yard often. Because of this, some of my neighbors -- possibly bored -- take it upon themselves to "pop in" for a visit when they see we're home. I don't invite them over, and I don't want company. This happens more than once a day with the same people.

I have tried making excuses ("I'm in the middle of something," "I'm cooking dinner," "I have company"), but it doesn't work. I have also said, "We're just getting ready to leave," but it soon becomes obvious that we weren't going anywhere. People have gotten mad and they now label me a "snob" -- among other things.

I don't want to spend my life in the house hiding with my daughter, but I also don't want to entertain people who come over uninvited. Abby, I am not a snob. I just love doing whatever I'm doing uninterrupted -- even if what I'm doing is nothing at all. Please help. -- NICE, PRIVATE LADY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NICE, PRIVATE LADY: I don't know what etiquette book your neighbors have read, but they have a lot of nerve dropping by unannounced and expecting you to drop whatever you are doing to entertain them.

It is not rude or snobbish to defend your privacy. You were too nice to them to begin with by making excuses. What you should have said was, "I'm not up for company right now. Please call to see if I'm free before dropping over next time."

DEAR ABBY: Three people have helped me make lemonade out of life's lemons -- a patient and talented therapist, a beloved pastor and you. After 50 years, here are my top 10 Dear Abby lessons:

1. No one can "make" you unhappy. You have choices.

2. The healthiest way to cure depression? Volunteer your hands and your heart.

3. The best advice for raising children? Remember that you raise them to let them go.

4. The best person with whom to discuss marital difficulties? Your spouse. Complaining to others may make you feel better for a day, but it will be at the expense of your marriage.

5. Don't "protect" those you love from the pain that will heal them.

6. Never criticize without working toward a solution, particularly when it comes to politics.

7. Never forget abuse nor tolerate it again, but do forgive the abuser.

8. What (and whom) you love is not shown through words but by where you devote your time, your energy and money.

9. You are what you eat, read and watch on TV.

10. Life is linear. Make every moment matter. -- A SURVIVOR IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SURVIVOR: I'm flattered that you have learned so many life lessons from reading the Dear Abby column. However, one of the items you listed in your letter did not come from me or my mother before me. It's No. 7. I have never written that a victim of abuse should feel obligated to forgive the abuser.