DEAR ABBY: I'm a stay-at-home mom with a 10-year-old daughter. We live in a complex that houses about 250 people.

I'm a naturally friendly person, but also very private. When the weather is warm, I love having my shades up and my windows open. My daughter enjoys the fresh air, so she's out in the yard often. Because of this, some of my neighbors -- possibly bored -- take it upon themselves to "pop in" for a visit when they see we're home. I don't invite them over, and I don't want company. This happens more than once a day with the same people.

I have tried making excuses ("I'm in the middle of something," "I'm cooking dinner," "I have company"), but it doesn't work. I have also said, "We're just getting ready to leave," but it soon becomes obvious that we weren't going anywhere. People have gotten mad and they now label me a "snob" -- among other things.

I don't want to spend my life in the house hiding with my daughter, but I also don't want to entertain people who come over uninvited. Abby, I am not a snob. I just love doing whatever I'm doing uninterrupted -- even if what I'm doing is nothing at all. Please help. -- NICE, PRIVATE LADY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NICE, PRIVATE LADY: I don't know what etiquette book your neighbors have read, but they have a lot of nerve dropping by unannounced and expecting you to drop whatever you are doing to entertain them.

It is not rude or snobbish to defend your privacy. You were too nice to them to begin with by making excuses. What you should have said was, "I'm not up for company right now. Please call to see if I'm free before dropping over next time."

DEAR ABBY: Three people have helped me make lemonade out of life's lemons -- a patient and talented therapist, a beloved pastor and you. After 50 years, here are my top 10 Dear Abby lessons:

1. No one can "make" you unhappy. You have choices.

2. The healthiest way to cure depression? Volunteer your hands and your heart.

3. The best advice for raising children? Remember that you raise them to let them go.

4. The best person with whom to discuss marital difficulties? Your spouse. Complaining to others may make you feel better for a day, but it will be at the expense of your marriage.

5. Don't "protect" those you love from the pain that will heal them.

6. Never criticize without working toward a solution, particularly when it comes to politics.

7. Never forget abuse nor tolerate it again, but do forgive the abuser.

8. What (and whom) you love is not shown through words but by where you devote your time, your energy and money.

9. You are what you eat, read and watch on TV.

10. Life is linear. Make every moment matter. -- A SURVIVOR IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SURVIVOR: I'm flattered that you have learned so many life lessons from reading the Dear Abby column. However, one of the items you listed in your letter did not come from me or my mother before me. It's No. 7. I have never written that a victim of abuse should feel obligated to forgive the abuser.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and my boyfriend just moved to Colorado. He won't be back home for three years, but I promised I'd wait for him. Now I feel like I'm being tied down. It's not that I don't want to be with him anymore, but I'm lonely with his being away. I don't want to break his heart, but I want some freedom. What should I do? -- MISSING HIM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MISSING HIM: Send him a sweet note and tell him that you're lonely without him and didn't know what to do -- so you wrote to me. Tell him I said that while you may love each other, it would be better for both of you to socialize while he is away. This is an important growth period for you both -- and if your relationship is meant to be permanent, you can resume it where you left off when he returns.

DEAR ABBY: For the past few holidays we have had to accept the fact that my sister-in-law was bringing her husband and her boyfriend to family holiday dinners. Last year we protested, saying it was ridiculous and that we wouldn't come. (We don't want our kids thinking this is appropriate.) We relented when my mother-in-law said we were being unreasonable because the husband and boyfriend are OK with the situation.

We have ended up going in the past, but Thanksgiving is nearly here again and we're not "thankful" for this arrangement. How do you think we should handle this? -- RELATIVELY ODD IN JACKSONVILLE

DEAR RELATIVELY ODD: If your children are small, they will accept the "odd" man at the table as simply a good friend of their aunt and uncle, so I see no reason why you shouldn't join the family unless you personally dislike the man. However, if your children are old enough to understand that there is something romantic going on, make other plans for the holidays. To do otherwise would make it appear that you approve of what's going on, which you do not.

DEAR ABBY: My 40th wedding anniversary is right around the corner. Although it's a time for celebration, I know I'll end up feeling depressed and empty. The reason is our son "Trent," age 38, who lives 500 miles away.

Trent is great about recognizing holidays -- birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Christmas -- with a card, gift or phone call. But for some reason, he chooses to ignore our anniversary every year. I always mention it on Facebook or on the phone, but he never acknowledges it.

My husband says I shouldn't let it bother me, but it does. When Trent was a teenager, we went through some bad times and almost divorced. That was a long time ago, and things are different now. What am I missing here? -- SAD MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SAD MOM: What you are "missing" is that your son remembers you on birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day and Christmas. Be grateful for what Trent does for you and stop trying to force him into remembering an occasion that, for whatever reason, may have unpleasant associations for him. Dwelling on what you're missing instead of what you've got is a prescription for misery.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 33-year-old male who has finally found the love of my life. My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Needless to say, an engagement is right around the corner.

I have a sister who has struggled her entire life dating the wrong men. She's beautiful inside and out. She called me last night crying, asking me why men always cheat on her.

Most people would assume that the use of the word "always" is an exaggeration. I would have to say that 90 percent of her boyfriends, have indeed, cheated on her one way or another -- whether it was in high school, or when she dated a race car driver or, more recently, an acquaintance of mine.

What can I say to reassure her that there are some good guys left in this world who won't cheat? -- LOOKING FOR ANSWERS FOR SIS

DEAR LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: Tell your sister that there are men with character who take relationships seriously. They may not be as glamorous as a race car driver, or flashy or glib, but they have more important qualities to offer. Point out that when one man after another is unfaithful, it can damage a woman's self-esteem. And when that happens it can make her insecure and willing to suspend her better judgment out of fear that she'll be alone.

Explain that women with high self-esteem receive more respect because they won't settle for less, and that they don't jump into relationships -- they wait for a man to prove himself. Men value more highly what they have to work for. Perhaps that will help to set her straight.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived an amazing life surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. My parents and maternal grandparents are still active in my daily life. Because I am so close to all of them I'm scared, worried and sometimes downright depressed at the thought of losing any of them.

I know in the circle of life, death should be accepted as the next great adventure, but I don't know if I can handle that. I'm asking for advice on how to handle these events now. I do not have family near me but an amazing circle of friends for support. I just know that I'm going to slip into a world of sadness that I'm afraid I won't come out of. My problems may seem minor in light of today's issues, but I do need guidance. -- SELFISH IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR SELFISH: The concerns you are feeling are not "selfish." They are normal, if somewhat premature.

You are fortunate to have your parents and grandparents in your life -- if only through phone calls and e-mails. You are also lucky to have supportive friends nearby.

The hardest part of grieving the loss of a loved one is regret about words that were never said. So tell your parents and grandparents often how much you love and appreciate them. See them when you can. And continue to be the kind of person of whom they can be proud, because when they are gone, you will be their legacy.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how to tell my husband of 25 years, who has different political views than mine, to shut up during news shows and comedies and mysteries I watch on my TV -- not his -- within earshot of his office. He insists on coming in while I'm trying to concentrate and blasting his views whether I want to hear them or not. -- FRUSTRATED IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You can't completely ignore your husband's rants -- but when you're trying to devote your attention to one of your favorite TV shows, some headphones might lessen the distraction. Contact your local electronics store for suggestions.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)