DEAR ABBY: I'm a 33-year-old male who has finally found the love of my life. My girlfriend and I have been together for three years. Needless to say, an engagement is right around the corner.

I have a sister who has struggled her entire life dating the wrong men. She's beautiful inside and out. She called me last night crying, asking me why men always cheat on her.

Most people would assume that the use of the word "always" is an exaggeration. I would have to say that 90 percent of her boyfriends, have indeed, cheated on her one way or another -- whether it was in high school, or when she dated a race car driver or, more recently, an acquaintance of mine.

What can I say to reassure her that there are some good guys left in this world who won't cheat? -- LOOKING FOR ANSWERS FOR SIS

DEAR LOOKING FOR ANSWERS: Tell your sister that there are men with character who take relationships seriously. They may not be as glamorous as a race car driver, or flashy or glib, but they have more important qualities to offer. Point out that when one man after another is unfaithful, it can damage a woman's self-esteem. And when that happens it can make her insecure and willing to suspend her better judgment out of fear that she'll be alone.

Explain that women with high self-esteem receive more respect because they won't settle for less, and that they don't jump into relationships -- they wait for a man to prove himself. Men value more highly what they have to work for. Perhaps that will help to set her straight.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived an amazing life surrounded by family, friends and loved ones. My parents and maternal grandparents are still active in my daily life. Because I am so close to all of them I'm scared, worried and sometimes downright depressed at the thought of losing any of them.

I know in the circle of life, death should be accepted as the next great adventure, but I don't know if I can handle that. I'm asking for advice on how to handle these events now. I do not have family near me but an amazing circle of friends for support. I just know that I'm going to slip into a world of sadness that I'm afraid I won't come out of. My problems may seem minor in light of today's issues, but I do need guidance. -- SELFISH IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR SELFISH: The concerns you are feeling are not "selfish." They are normal, if somewhat premature.

You are fortunate to have your parents and grandparents in your life -- if only through phone calls and e-mails. You are also lucky to have supportive friends nearby.

The hardest part of grieving the loss of a loved one is regret about words that were never said. So tell your parents and grandparents often how much you love and appreciate them. See them when you can. And continue to be the kind of person of whom they can be proud, because when they are gone, you will be their legacy.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me how to tell my husband of 25 years, who has different political views than mine, to shut up during news shows and comedies and mysteries I watch on my TV -- not his -- within earshot of his office. He insists on coming in while I'm trying to concentrate and blasting his views whether I want to hear them or not. -- FRUSTRATED IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You can't completely ignore your husband's rants -- but when you're trying to devote your attention to one of your favorite TV shows, some headphones might lessen the distraction. Contact your local electronics store for suggestions.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Surviving Son in California" (Sept. 20) sought your advice regarding proper protocol in mentioning all surviving relatives when parents had been divorced. You said, "After a couple divorces and one of them dies, the name of the former spouse is usually not mentioned in the obituary." I think your response needs a little tweaking.

My siblings and I faced this same scenario after my father passed away. My parents divorced when I was in grade school, and each parent had remarried by my freshman year in high school. Although their divorce was painful, they remained on friendly terms throughout their lives. I was adamant that my biological mother be listed in my father's obituary for two reasons: First, the obituary serves as a historical document. Second, I did not want people reading the obituary to think my siblings and I were children from my father's second marriage.

An obituary should serve as a historical account of our loved one's life -- not a battlefield. -- LESLIE IN PORT ANGELES, WASH.

DEAR LESLIE: Thank you for pointing out your valid reasons for including former spouses in an obituary. Allow me to share a few more. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I've worked in newspapers on the East Coast for the past 11 years, and I can tell you that mentioning a divorced spouse's name is totally a matter of individual and family preference. It is becoming more common to see "So-and-so" was the former wife and good friend of "the deceased," which is a nice development. It is the right of the surviving family to decide the contents of the obituary. Because some people even include pets among survivors, you would think an ex-spouse would receive the same consideration. -- NAME WITHHELD IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: Genealogy researchers often use obituaries to find the parents or children of families. Here in Iowa, it is common for the obituary to show that a couple married, had children and were divorced. I understand how some children might decide to omit a parent if the divorce wasn't a friendly one. I was left out of my first husband's obituary, but I got over it. -- TWO SIDES TO A STORY

DEAR ABBY: There is a difference between an obituary and a death notice. A death notice is a paid announcement, usually in small type and generally placed by the funeral director. It can include, or exclude, anything the family wishes.

An obituary is an objective news story written by a bylined reporter, and it contains the good, the bad and the ugly -- including the names of former spouses, whether separated by death or divorce. -- FORMER COPY EDITOR IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR ABBY: Here in the South, an ex-spouse is often listed this way: "Jane Doe of Memphis, Tenn., is the mother of his children." The primary reason is so the children feel their surviving parent, and the years their parents spent together, are acknowledged. -- NANCY IN CONWAY, ARK.

DEAR ABBY: You can't erase the years spent together as a family even though a divorce has occurred. I had been married for 30 years at the time of my divorce, and it is important for me to be listed when my ex passes away -- and vice versa. My ex and I discussed this and agreed that the obituary would be written this way: "Also survived by the mother/father of his/her children ... " In my mind, divorced or not, you will always be family. -- AN EX WHO IS STILL PART OF THE FAMILY

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: At Christmas, "Santa" always fills my children's stockings with a mix of fun, edible and practical items. A few years ago, when my oldest child was beginning to write, my husband and I started the tradition of tucking packets of thank-you cards into their stockings.

We explained that Santa must have given them the cards so they would have stationery to write thank-you notes to family and friends for the gifts they had received. The cards are a wonderful reminder to my children that they need to express their gratitude to those who have spent time and money to buy and send them a gift. Usually there are cards left over to cover thank-you notes at birthday time as well.

Unfortunately, these days, not enough people -- even adults -- take the time to write a note of appreciation for presents they are given. I believe parents should encourage children to do this as soon as they are able to understand the concept. I hope my husband and I are instilling a lifelong habit in our children. Abby, can you help get the point across? -- THANKFUL MOM IN BRUNSWICK, MAINE

DEAR THANKFUL MOM: Gladly. You are teaching your children an important lesson. It's a formality that started being ignored decades ago. Then, as years passed, it was a custom that was not just ignored, but many people forgot it existed. The result was that parents who hadn't been taught the social niceties did not teach them to their children.

When I publish letters about thank-you notes, I invariably receive an avalanche of letters and e-mails from readers complaining that they are hurt and offended because they don't receive thank-you notes. Some individuals use texts and e-mails to acknowledge gifts. However, for most people a handwritten note is much more memorable. Thanking someone for a gift, an invitation to a party or a kind deed in writing is important.

While composing a letter may always be a chore to some people, there are occasions when the written message is the only proper means of communication. It shows effort, and can become a keepsake. For those people who have difficulty expressing their thoughts, my booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" covers a few basic rules for acknowledging gifts, expressing sympathy and accepting or declining an invitation. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Not everyone can write letters that are literary masterpieces, but for anyone who wonders how to put in writing a brief, charming thank-you note, a letter expressing congratulations, a love letter -- or one that announces a broken engagement -- my booklet will serve as a guide to those who have put off writing because they didn't know what to say, how to say it, or even how to begin.

Because the season for exchanging gifts is nearly here, "Thankful Mom," your letter is an important and timely one.