DEAR ABBY: At Christmas, "Santa" always fills my children's stockings with a mix of fun, edible and practical items. A few years ago, when my oldest child was beginning to write, my husband and I started the tradition of tucking packets of thank-you cards into their stockings.

We explained that Santa must have given them the cards so they would have stationery to write thank-you notes to family and friends for the gifts they had received. The cards are a wonderful reminder to my children that they need to express their gratitude to those who have spent time and money to buy and send them a gift. Usually there are cards left over to cover thank-you notes at birthday time as well.

Unfortunately, these days, not enough people -- even adults -- take the time to write a note of appreciation for presents they are given. I believe parents should encourage children to do this as soon as they are able to understand the concept. I hope my husband and I are instilling a lifelong habit in our children. Abby, can you help get the point across? -- THANKFUL MOM IN BRUNSWICK, MAINE

DEAR THANKFUL MOM: Gladly. You are teaching your children an important lesson. It's a formality that started being ignored decades ago. Then, as years passed, it was a custom that was not just ignored, but many people forgot it existed. The result was that parents who hadn't been taught the social niceties did not teach them to their children.

When I publish letters about thank-you notes, I invariably receive an avalanche of letters and e-mails from readers complaining that they are hurt and offended because they don't receive thank-you notes. Some individuals use texts and e-mails to acknowledge gifts. However, for most people a handwritten note is much more memorable. Thanking someone for a gift, an invitation to a party or a kind deed in writing is important.

While composing a letter may always be a chore to some people, there are occasions when the written message is the only proper means of communication. It shows effort, and can become a keepsake. For those people who have difficulty expressing their thoughts, my booklet "How to Write Letters for All Occasions" covers a few basic rules for acknowledging gifts, expressing sympathy and accepting or declining an invitation. It can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby -- Letters Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Not everyone can write letters that are literary masterpieces, but for anyone who wonders how to put in writing a brief, charming thank-you note, a letter expressing congratulations, a love letter -- or one that announces a broken engagement -- my booklet will serve as a guide to those who have put off writing because they didn't know what to say, how to say it, or even how to begin.

Because the season for exchanging gifts is nearly here, "Thankful Mom," your letter is an important and timely one.

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Shelby" has been involved with a man for three years. "Mr. Secret Agent" is always on the go and can visit her only occasionally because of all of his international business travels. She told me he is from New Zealand and plans to return there when he retires in a few years.

Something about him just didn't feel right to me, so I did some Internet sleuthing and discovered that Shelby's "successful businessman" was born right here in the U.S.A. He has no passport, is using an assumed name, works as a janitor, has filed bankruptcy twice and actually lives in a trailer.

Shelby is overjoyed when he comes to visit her, but I am getting tired of hearing his lies. I know she'll be hurt, but don't you think she deserves to know the truth? I'm concerned he may extort money from her. What should I do? -- 2 GOOD 2 BE TRUE IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR 2 GOOD 2 BE TRUE: The first thing to do is confess to your friend that you did some snooping and learned some troubling information about her gentleman friend. Then offer to share it with her so she can decide for herself if continuing a relationship with him is something she wants to do. She may or may not be interested -- and she may or may not thank you for wising her up. Be prepared for her to be upset -- but it's a risk you should take.

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for people who are stuck for gift ideas. Several years ago, I asked my mom for a very special Christmas gift. I asked her to write down her life story -- things she had done as a child, the experience of hitchhiking from New Mexico to Tennessee during the Great Depression, and all the other experiences of her life. She did, and I printed it for her. That year she gave each child, grandchild and great-grandchild a copy. It was the best Christmas present ever and one that's still cherished by us all.

Both my parents are gone now, but we have Mom's wonderful stories to remember. Without her book, those memories would be lost forever. I encourage everyone to record their family history and memories for your loved ones to read. You'll never regret it, and it will be enjoyed for generations to come. -- ANDREW IN JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR ANDREW: That's a terrific suggestion. And if the parent or grandparent isn't comfortable with writing, the same goal can be accomplished by setting up a video camera and interviewing the family member by asking questions about his or her youth.

DEAR ABBY: I left my abusive husband two years ago. My parents and my brother chose him over me. My father and brother kicked me out of their house when I tried to explain, while my mother stood there and said nothing.

My father is now dying and I don't know what I should do. I feel like talking to him would be "giving in." My family made their choice two years ago. Abby, I am torn. How do I forgive my father when I don't think he deserves it? -- THE ONE LEFT BEHIND IN OREGON

DEAR ONE LEFT BEHIND: Frankly, you don't. If you had said your father had asked for forgiveness, my answer might be different. But unless your father asks to see you, keep your distance. That is, unless you want to risk yet another dose of rejection.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Leon" for 3 1/2 years. We have a 2-year-old daughter and are, for the most part, happy. However, one issue comes up frequently and seems to be the basis of all of our disagreements.

Leon is hung up on things being "equal." This can range from whose "turn" it is to do the dishes, change the diapers, put our daughter to bed -- to exactly how many days we spend with each set of parents. If we travel to see my parents, we must also travel to see his.

This "equal" obsession drives me nuts. I'm fully in support of "fair," but if I'm busy making dinner, it seems to me that he could change the baby's diaper even if it's my "turn." As for visiting the in-laws, he became upset with me when I wanted to plan a trip to see my parents without simultaneously planning one to visit his. He felt shortchanged -- until we added it up, and it turned out we've spent five weeks more with his family than with mine.

A marriage is a partnership, and I believe in picking up the slack when Leon is overwhelmed, sick or tired. Why can't he do the same for me? -- UNFAIRLY EQUAL IN PHOENIX

DEAR UNFAIRLY EQUAL: Because, for whatever reason, your husband is obsessed with the idea that he's going to get the short end of the stick -- if you'll forgive the vernacular. Either that, or he's obsessive-compulsive and also counts steps, turns and other meaningless minutiae. That he would expect you to stop preparing dinner to change a diaper is, to put it mildly -- yech! However, he isn't going to change until he realizes he has a problem. The incident involving visiting your parents should have been his first clue.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get my dad to stop making uncalled-for comments? I'm 13, and I'm ready to stop inviting my friends over. My father always seems to say the worst possible thing.

For example, my friend "Amanda" was over one day. She has low self-esteem and body image problems. She was complaining to me about how curly her hair gets after she swims. I reassured her that it wasn't that bad, but then Dad came in and said, "Whoa! What's that? Your hair looks like something out of the 1980s!"

I replied, "Dad, could you please be quiet?" and he glared at me and continued. He often asks my friends if they're married yet, as a joke, and can't take a hint when he's the only one laughing. More than one of my friends have said they feel uncomfortable around him or just don't like him.

If I try to bring it up, Dad reminds me that back in my fifth-grade class everyone liked him. That was three years ago, and I have grown up and so have my friends. How do I teach Dad to take a hint? -- MORTIFIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR MORTIFIED: You don't. Because he won't accept hearing it from you, it's better he get the message from another adult that his attempts at humor are in poor taste and not funny. Talk to your mother or another adult female relative and tell her what your father is doing. If he keeps it up, you won't have to worry about not inviting friends to your house because they won't want to come over and be embarrassed.