DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ben," a wonderful man, for seven years. We have three children. We get along well, but I have one complaint. It's about sex. I'm always in the mood but he isn't. We both work full-time jobs and take care of the kids and the house.

My best friend tells me I have the sex drive of a male and her husband wishes she was more like me. I am not a nymphomaniac, but I'd like to be intimate with my husband more than every other week. When we're together, I almost feel like it's a chore to him.

Is there something wrong with me? I have never cheated on Ben, nor have I considered it. I feel this is an issue in our marriage, but he thinks I am overreacting. -- WAITING FOR MORE

DEAR WAITING: When a couple has problems in the bedroom, it can affect every aspect of the marriage. You are not "overreacting." By implying that you are, your husband is attempting to minimize your feelings. He may have a low sex drive, no sex drive or a hormone problem. A licensed marriage counselor might be able to help the two of you discuss this sensitive subject -- and a visit to his doctor could help him find out if his problem is physical. You need more help -- and so does he -- than anyone can give you in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother passed away this week. For the last five years my mother was her sole caregiver. Now that Grandma is gone, I'm worried about my mother. She sacrificed her life and friendships to take care of Grandma and Great-Grandma. Now, 10 years later, she's at a total loss.

My mother is a wonderful lady. I don't want to see her hurt and isolated like this. All the relatives are still in town and a lot of us are off work, but when everyone returns to work, it's going to be hard for her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. -- SAD SURVIVOR

DEAR SAD: Your mother may need some time to get over the loss of her mother and to figure out where to go from here. Don't push her, but do keep an eye on her and encourage her to start reconnecting with friends and activities she once enjoyed.

Grieving is an individual process that can take time (or not), depending upon how prepared she was for your grandmother to go. And hold a good thought. Having done all she could for her mother and grandmother, she may have no regrets and recover faster than you think she will. If that doesn't happen, her doctor, minister or the funeral home can help her locate a grief support group.

DEAR ABBY: I have already decorated my office for the winter holidays, but my co-worker says before Thanksgiving is too early to display a snowman. When do you decorate for the holiday season? -- FESTIVE SOUTHERN GIRL

DEAR SOUTHERN GIRL: This year, in late September, I began seeing Christmas decorations in some stores, and references to Christmas layaway plans being mentioned in the media a few months before that. However, in a work environment I would wait until after the first week of December to begin displaying Christmas decorations.

P.S. If your snowman is a generic winter decoration, it might be appropriate to wait until after the first snowfall.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for a year and I am concerned about one issue. Dinner is a constant source of contention. Although my husband and I work full time, I enjoy coming home and preparing a home-cooked meal for him. He views this as too fancy and too expensive.

We are financially comfortable and our grocery bill is modest. It frustrates me that he doesn't appreciate the thought and effort I put into our dinner. That's the way I was raised. My husband would die happy eating frozen pizza and salad out of a bag every night! That may be fine for some people, but I prefer to eat better than that. Any suggestions? -- LIKES TO COOK IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR LIKES TO COOK: Your husband may be happy eating frozen pizza and salad out of a bag every night, but he'll live a longer, healthier life if he varies his diet. Rather than seeking approval or gratitude for preparing those home-cooked dinners, explain to him that putting healthy, balanced meals on the table for you both to enjoy brings you pleasure and is a way for you to unwind after the workday. It's not "too fancy," and the money is well spent.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 20 years died recently. I was hospitalized a few months later and nearly died myself.

I needed help at home as I have three young children. My brother's wife offered to help. I had dated her many years ago when we were kids and I was attracted to her then. As time has gone on, we have become very close and the sparks have been reignited. I feel terrible, but at the same time I have always had feelings for her.

She told me she and my brother haven't been getting along and she is no longer attracted to him. I like her a lot, but I love my brother, too. What should I do? -- BROTHERLY LOVE ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR BROTHERLY LOVE: What you should do is thank your sister-in-law for her help, and hire someone to take care of your children. That's what you should have done in the first place. Then join a singles group and put out the word that you would like to meet someone. I guarantee you won't be lonely long. And it will give your brother and sister-in-law a chance to work out their difficulties, which is the honorable thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have been the organizer who has hosted multiple parties for friends and family. When someone is having a milestone birthday or other event, I am always the one who plans a celebration to make it a memorable occasion. This requires effort, but I love seeing the joy people get from these events.

I will be turning 50 soon. Just once, I would like to be the recipient of a party. I know it's unlikely that my friends will throw a surprise birthday party for me. Or if they do, it will be something small and last-minute.

I am beginning to dread my birthday because I feel my resentment building. Should I plan my own party or just hope for the best and see what happens? Any other suggestions? -- ALWAYS THE HOSTESS, NEVER THE PARTY GIRL

DEAR ALWAYS THE HOSTESS: The surest way to get the message across is to communicate it to some of your closest friends. And if none of them volunteer to host a party for you, then either plan your own -- or arrange to spend the money you would have spent on the party treating yourself to a day of pampering at a spa or a short vacation. You deserve it.

DEAR ABBY: Last year for Thanksgiving, I made a special effort to get the entire family together for the traditional meal. All 13 of us met at my mother's home and everyone was to bring a dish or two to share.

One of my brothers has two college-age daughters. Both are vegan, and he insisted that all the dishes we brought be vegan! I did it, but I resented it because I felt that two out of 13 people should not decide the menu. If they wanted vegan dishes, they should bring something for themselves, while the rest of us brought what we wanted.

My brother and nieces are now asking what we're doing this year for Thanksgiving. Frankly, I don't want to go through that again. Am I wrong in thinking everyone should not bend over backward for the vegan meal? I don't mind some of the menu accommodating them, but I don't think the whole dinner should be altered. -- TURKEY EATER IN TEXAS

DEAR TURKEY EATER: Neither do I. And the response you should give your brother (and his daughters) is that you'll be serving a traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year, so they can either bring something they will enjoy or make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day and find it interesting and useful. Many of the writers have the same emotions and problems as I do. I'm always pleased to see that I am not too far off.

I am a woman who married for the second time after 54 years of marriage. I was 71 and had been a widow for only one year. I had married my late husband at 16, and thought I could not live alone.

Do you have any words of wisdom for someone such as myself? Older people are so set in their ways that blending is so very difficult. -- HAVING TROUBLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAVING TROUBLE: If you remarried only because you were afraid of living alone, then you did it for the wrong reason. There are worse things than living alone -- and one of them is being married to a person who is unwilling to compromise. The keys to a successful union are affection, communication, respect and compromise. If both parties sincerely care about and respect each other, the union will be successful and lasting.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently attended her 35th high school reunion alone. Her high school sweetheart was there, and they talked and exchanged e-mail addresses. As the night wore on, he started making advances and my wife rebuffed him somewhat rudely. Three days later, she e-mailed him an apology and they started an eight-week exchange.

I suspected something was wrong and checked her e-mails, where I discovered some pretty torrid messages and a dinner meeting being planned. When I confronted my wife, she denied everything -- until I gave her copies of the e-mails. She says they never met, but I say the intent was there. To me, this is the same as a physical affair. She disagrees. Who is right? -- DECEIVED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DECEIVED: You are. The only thing that prevented things from proceeding further was the fact that you intervened. And if your wife had been proud of what she was doing she wouldn't have lied to you.