DEAR ABBY: I have been married for a year and I am concerned about one issue. Dinner is a constant source of contention. Although my husband and I work full time, I enjoy coming home and preparing a home-cooked meal for him. He views this as too fancy and too expensive.

We are financially comfortable and our grocery bill is modest. It frustrates me that he doesn't appreciate the thought and effort I put into our dinner. That's the way I was raised. My husband would die happy eating frozen pizza and salad out of a bag every night! That may be fine for some people, but I prefer to eat better than that. Any suggestions? -- LIKES TO COOK IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR LIKES TO COOK: Your husband may be happy eating frozen pizza and salad out of a bag every night, but he'll live a longer, healthier life if he varies his diet. Rather than seeking approval or gratitude for preparing those home-cooked dinners, explain to him that putting healthy, balanced meals on the table for you both to enjoy brings you pleasure and is a way for you to unwind after the workday. It's not "too fancy," and the money is well spent.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 20 years died recently. I was hospitalized a few months later and nearly died myself.

I needed help at home as I have three young children. My brother's wife offered to help. I had dated her many years ago when we were kids and I was attracted to her then. As time has gone on, we have become very close and the sparks have been reignited. I feel terrible, but at the same time I have always had feelings for her.

She told me she and my brother haven't been getting along and she is no longer attracted to him. I like her a lot, but I love my brother, too. What should I do? -- BROTHERLY LOVE ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR BROTHERLY LOVE: What you should do is thank your sister-in-law for her help, and hire someone to take care of your children. That's what you should have done in the first place. Then join a singles group and put out the word that you would like to meet someone. I guarantee you won't be lonely long. And it will give your brother and sister-in-law a chance to work out their difficulties, which is the honorable thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have been the organizer who has hosted multiple parties for friends and family. When someone is having a milestone birthday or other event, I am always the one who plans a celebration to make it a memorable occasion. This requires effort, but I love seeing the joy people get from these events.

I will be turning 50 soon. Just once, I would like to be the recipient of a party. I know it's unlikely that my friends will throw a surprise birthday party for me. Or if they do, it will be something small and last-minute.

I am beginning to dread my birthday because I feel my resentment building. Should I plan my own party or just hope for the best and see what happens? Any other suggestions? -- ALWAYS THE HOSTESS, NEVER THE PARTY GIRL

DEAR ALWAYS THE HOSTESS: The surest way to get the message across is to communicate it to some of your closest friends. And if none of them volunteer to host a party for you, then either plan your own -- or arrange to spend the money you would have spent on the party treating yourself to a day of pampering at a spa or a short vacation. You deserve it.

DEAR ABBY: Last year for Thanksgiving, I made a special effort to get the entire family together for the traditional meal. All 13 of us met at my mother's home and everyone was to bring a dish or two to share.

One of my brothers has two college-age daughters. Both are vegan, and he insisted that all the dishes we brought be vegan! I did it, but I resented it because I felt that two out of 13 people should not decide the menu. If they wanted vegan dishes, they should bring something for themselves, while the rest of us brought what we wanted.

My brother and nieces are now asking what we're doing this year for Thanksgiving. Frankly, I don't want to go through that again. Am I wrong in thinking everyone should not bend over backward for the vegan meal? I don't mind some of the menu accommodating them, but I don't think the whole dinner should be altered. -- TURKEY EATER IN TEXAS

DEAR TURKEY EATER: Neither do I. And the response you should give your brother (and his daughters) is that you'll be serving a traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year, so they can either bring something they will enjoy or make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day and find it interesting and useful. Many of the writers have the same emotions and problems as I do. I'm always pleased to see that I am not too far off.

I am a woman who married for the second time after 54 years of marriage. I was 71 and had been a widow for only one year. I had married my late husband at 16, and thought I could not live alone.

Do you have any words of wisdom for someone such as myself? Older people are so set in their ways that blending is so very difficult. -- HAVING TROUBLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAVING TROUBLE: If you remarried only because you were afraid of living alone, then you did it for the wrong reason. There are worse things than living alone -- and one of them is being married to a person who is unwilling to compromise. The keys to a successful union are affection, communication, respect and compromise. If both parties sincerely care about and respect each other, the union will be successful and lasting.

DEAR ABBY: My wife recently attended her 35th high school reunion alone. Her high school sweetheart was there, and they talked and exchanged e-mail addresses. As the night wore on, he started making advances and my wife rebuffed him somewhat rudely. Three days later, she e-mailed him an apology and they started an eight-week exchange.

I suspected something was wrong and checked her e-mails, where I discovered some pretty torrid messages and a dinner meeting being planned. When I confronted my wife, she denied everything -- until I gave her copies of the e-mails. She says they never met, but I say the intent was there. To me, this is the same as a physical affair. She disagrees. Who is right? -- DECEIVED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR DECEIVED: You are. The only thing that prevented things from proceeding further was the fact that you intervened. And if your wife had been proud of what she was doing she wouldn't have lied to you.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son committed suicide. He was an alcoholic with many problems. Every year around the time of his death I become very depressed and emotional. Is this normal? Members of my family think I should "get over it." -- EMOTIONAL MOM IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR EMOTIONAL MOM: The members of your family are mistaken. Your feelings are perfectly normal.

The problem of suicide in America is no secret. It has been in the headlines repeatedly, and more than 30,000 people take their lives annually. Because of the shame and stigma that are unfortunately still attached to suicide, many people are left to suffer in silence.

According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), more than 80 percent of us will lose someone to suicide at some point during our lives. This is why the organization sponsors National Survivors of Suicide Day every year on the Saturday before Thanksgiving. (This year it's November 20.) It's a day when surviving parents, children, siblings, spouses and friends gather at locations from Nashville to Nepal and take comfort in being with others who know what it means to lose a loved one to suicide.

Readers, to find out more information, visit the foundation's website at � HYPERLINK "http://www.AFSP.org" ��www.AFSP.org�. It lists many excellent resources including a book I especially like titled, "Why Suicide?" by Eric Marcus. Published by Harper One, it's compassionate, informative, heartfelt and a must-read for anyone whose life has been touched by suicide.

DEAR ABBY: I relocated to live with "Zack," my boyfriend of one year. Now that I'm here I'm afraid that I adore him more than I am adored. I'm not the clingy type, but Zack never cuddles. Sex is not discussed -- and never "my" way.

Most things are like that. He isn't abusive -- just uncompromising, lazy and selfish. To make matters worse, we share the house with a family member of his who has the same spoiled teenager attitude.

I'm the one who cooks, cleans, shovels snow, takes care of the dog and has the guts to call the landlord about issues. I have asked Zack to help and to ask for help from his relative. He excuses his relative from responsibility and will help me with that one request -- at that moment only. They have no regular chores. I experimented with the bathroom wastebasket -- it overflowed for weeks because I didn't empty it.

I am growing resentful and angry. If I say anything, Zack rolls his eyes at me like I'm an idiot and asks me how I come up with all the "stuff" I gripe about. I feel like I'm the parent of two teenagers with overdeveloped ideas of entitlement, even though we all have an equal stake in this house.

Is there a different approach I can use, or should I do what I have been considering for a while -- throw in the towel and move out? -- READY TO BAIL IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR READY TO BAIL: Go ahead and bail. Zack and his relative are treating you like an unpaid housemaid and no one's girlfriend. The longer you tolerate this situation, the longer it will continue. So start packing. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

DEAR VETERANS: Today is Veteran's Day and your numbers are growing. Please allow me to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you -- as well as those men and women who are still on active duty -- for your service to our nation. I salute you.