DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Lance," is making a career change and has been offered a great opportunity. He is very excited about it. Because his experience in this new field is minimal, Lance asked for letters of recommendation from some professionals who are familiar with his work. He was hoping the letters would provide insight into his abilities that his resume lacks at this early stage.

The problem? All three of the letters he has received contain glaring mistakes. They are all from college professors and on letterhead stationery. While they do offer glowing recommendations, one letter omitted an important word in a sentence, another misused a common word, and the third refers to Lance as "Ms."

I told Lance the letters do not reflect negatively on him because he didn't write them. But he thinks they will give the impression he associates with sub-par representatives of the field. He refuses to ask for new letters because he doesn't want to offend the writers by pointing out the errors. Should Lance use these letters? -- STUMPED IN TALLAHASSEE

DEAR STUMPED: What your letter illustrates is how many intelligent, professional people don't bother to proofread what they have written. Your husband should contact the individuals who provided the references and explain that he spotted a typographical error that should be easy to correct. That's not offensive -- it's doing the professors a favor as well as himself because what appears above their signature is a reflection on them and their attention to detail.

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother and a stepmother and have several grandchildren. I have been the "family photographer" at all our events and holiday celebrations. Looking through our 35 years of photographs, you will rarely find me in one. I was always there -- but behind the camera.

I'd like to remind your readers that if they're at a gathering and see someone taking family photos, to please offer to use their camera to take a group picture that includes the photographer. It will be one of the few photos in their albums they actually appear in. And they'll be thankful for your thoughtfulness for years to come. -- INVISIBLE GRANDMA IN LAWRENCE, MASS.

DEAR INVISIBLE GRANDMA: With the holidays approaching, I'm pleased to print your suggestion. However, at large gatherings these days, there is bound to be someone in the group who has a camera -- or a cell phone -- with a timer so that everyone present (including the photographer) can appear in the picture.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went to a sporting goods store to buy new golf shoes. I had a $25-off coupon to be used on any apparel sold in the store.

When I presented the coupon, the store manager informed me that shoes are not considered "apparel" and he would not honor the discount! Aren't shoes considered to be apparel? -- BAREFOOT IN MIAMISBURG, OHIO

DEAR BAREFOOT: Yes, they are. And if there were any exclusions, they should have been mentioned on the coupon.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I are vegetarians. Occasionally we eat fish, but neither of us has had pork, beef or fowl for more than 10 years.

We were at a barbecue at a good friend's house a short time ago and our gracious hosts kindly prepared veggie burgers especially for us. Another guest at the party asked me if I'd be as good-natured as our hosts if I were to have a get-together at my house. (In other words, would I serve meat to our carnivorous guests.) I told him no, to which he (jokingly?) replied that I was "selfish."

Abby, the idea of eating meat is gross to me now. The reason I stopped eating it in the first place is my ethical opposition to how it's produced, and I would not want to compromise my ideals simply in the name of being a good hostess.

Am I "selfish"? Should I offer my friends meat if that is what they prefer? I'd appreciate your input. -- WHERE'S THE BEEF? IN HOUSTON

DEAR W.T.B.: A gracious guest does not criticize what his or her hosts serve. Your friends are aware that you are a vegetarian and why. As long as you make sure they don't go hungry, you are not obligated to serve guests flesh of anything that doesn't come from the ground, a bush or a tree. And you can say I said so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school who has the responsibility of helping my mother raise four boys and a baby girl until their mothers (my sisters) are able to take care of them. Instead of being able to attend a football game or go to the mall with friends, I spend half my time at school and the other half baby sitting. The only "joy" I feel is knowing the kids are safe in my capable hands.

I have been around babies all my life and I'm reaching the breaking point. I'm worried about my future after high school. I feel like a middle-aged woman instead of a teenager from the stress I have had to accept. Can you tell me how I can feel like I can accomplish something more? -- TEENAGE FOSTER MOM/AUNT

DEAR TEENAGE FOSTER MOM/AUNT: By completing your education. For you, freedom lies in getting a college education or learning a trade that will get you out and on your own. You should not have been saddled with the responsibility of raising the children your irresponsible sisters brought into this world. Learn from their example and be sure that the only pregnancies you have are those that have been planned and prepared for, and you will have the freedom and the future for which you are longing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm seeing this guy, "Jerry," who is an amazing person. Both of us are divorced single parents. I'm attracted to him -- but I'm not sure if there is passion. My question is, do I choose security and a life that I want, or the passion that fuels romantic fire? -- SEARCHING IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR SEARCHING: The problem with the "passion that fuels romantic fire" is that it's so intense at the beginning that it usually can't sustain itself. Was your first marriage fueled by it? If so, this time around seriously consider marriage to an "amazing person" to whom you say you are attracted and who can provide a stable and secure future for you and your children. These qualities can form the basis of lasting and rewarding partnership.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Penny" and I live in different states and lead completely different lives. We have grown distant over the years -- my choice really.

Penny isn't a bad person. She just doesn't "get" my lifestyle. I have decided to remain unmarried and childless. A husband and family are all Penny ever wanted, and she considers it an insult that I don't want the life she always dreamed about for herself.

I would like to spend time with my sister -- occasionally -- but she has a different personality, no close friends and feels we must have a close relationship because we're sisters. Abby, I don't want to be her replacement for the friends she is unable to make.

Penny complains that I never visit. But when I do, we're both miserable, tend to provoke each other and get under each other's skin. I love her, but it isn't productive for us to spend a lot of time together. I would like to have a less stressful relationship with her and my new nephew. What can I do to make this happen? -- HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR IN WYOMING

DEAR HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR: By being frank with your sister and telling her exactly what you have told me. You can have a less stressful relationship with her, but it will require some compromise on the part of each of you. Explain to her that you do not have it in you to provide the closeness she appears so desperate for and perhaps she will finally accept what you are willing and able to give her. It may lessen the tension between you.

DEAR ABBY: We're planning a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for my parents. My son "Mark" and his girlfriend, "Cindy," have been a couple for six years and have a 3-year-old son. They live in another town and plan to be married after Mark gets his degree.

Abby, my father was never told about the birth of Mark and Cindy's child, per strict orders from my mother. Because Dad adheres to the values and morals he learned as a young man in the 1950s, Mom is afraid he would "have a stroke" if he knew.

Mom refuses to allow Mark and Cindy to bring their son to the party because Dad still doesn't know. All of the other great-grandchildren will be there and included in the photos. This seems unfair and heartless. What can I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Depriving your father of knowledge that he has a great-grandchild has not only been unfair to the child, but also unfair to your father. The news will not "kill" him. He made it through the 1960s, '70s and '80s, didn't he? At this point, he may be surprised, but by now nothing will shock him. What may disturb him is learning that this was kept from him for so long.

You should insist that he be told. Your grandson is not a guilty secret. He deserves to know his great-grandfather while there is still time. And if your mother won't tell your father, then you should do it -- before the party.