DEAR ABBY: My partner and I are vegetarians. Occasionally we eat fish, but neither of us has had pork, beef or fowl for more than 10 years.

We were at a barbecue at a good friend's house a short time ago and our gracious hosts kindly prepared veggie burgers especially for us. Another guest at the party asked me if I'd be as good-natured as our hosts if I were to have a get-together at my house. (In other words, would I serve meat to our carnivorous guests.) I told him no, to which he (jokingly?) replied that I was "selfish."

Abby, the idea of eating meat is gross to me now. The reason I stopped eating it in the first place is my ethical opposition to how it's produced, and I would not want to compromise my ideals simply in the name of being a good hostess.

Am I "selfish"? Should I offer my friends meat if that is what they prefer? I'd appreciate your input. -- WHERE'S THE BEEF? IN HOUSTON

DEAR W.T.B.: A gracious guest does not criticize what his or her hosts serve. Your friends are aware that you are a vegetarian and why. As long as you make sure they don't go hungry, you are not obligated to serve guests flesh of anything that doesn't come from the ground, a bush or a tree. And you can say I said so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school who has the responsibility of helping my mother raise four boys and a baby girl until their mothers (my sisters) are able to take care of them. Instead of being able to attend a football game or go to the mall with friends, I spend half my time at school and the other half baby sitting. The only "joy" I feel is knowing the kids are safe in my capable hands.

I have been around babies all my life and I'm reaching the breaking point. I'm worried about my future after high school. I feel like a middle-aged woman instead of a teenager from the stress I have had to accept. Can you tell me how I can feel like I can accomplish something more? -- TEENAGE FOSTER MOM/AUNT

DEAR TEENAGE FOSTER MOM/AUNT: By completing your education. For you, freedom lies in getting a college education or learning a trade that will get you out and on your own. You should not have been saddled with the responsibility of raising the children your irresponsible sisters brought into this world. Learn from their example and be sure that the only pregnancies you have are those that have been planned and prepared for, and you will have the freedom and the future for which you are longing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm seeing this guy, "Jerry," who is an amazing person. Both of us are divorced single parents. I'm attracted to him -- but I'm not sure if there is passion. My question is, do I choose security and a life that I want, or the passion that fuels romantic fire? -- SEARCHING IN COLUMBIA, S.C.

DEAR SEARCHING: The problem with the "passion that fuels romantic fire" is that it's so intense at the beginning that it usually can't sustain itself. Was your first marriage fueled by it? If so, this time around seriously consider marriage to an "amazing person" to whom you say you are attracted and who can provide a stable and secure future for you and your children. These qualities can form the basis of lasting and rewarding partnership.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Penny" and I live in different states and lead completely different lives. We have grown distant over the years -- my choice really.

Penny isn't a bad person. She just doesn't "get" my lifestyle. I have decided to remain unmarried and childless. A husband and family are all Penny ever wanted, and she considers it an insult that I don't want the life she always dreamed about for herself.

I would like to spend time with my sister -- occasionally -- but she has a different personality, no close friends and feels we must have a close relationship because we're sisters. Abby, I don't want to be her replacement for the friends she is unable to make.

Penny complains that I never visit. But when I do, we're both miserable, tend to provoke each other and get under each other's skin. I love her, but it isn't productive for us to spend a lot of time together. I would like to have a less stressful relationship with her and my new nephew. What can I do to make this happen? -- HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR IN WYOMING

DEAR HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR: By being frank with your sister and telling her exactly what you have told me. You can have a less stressful relationship with her, but it will require some compromise on the part of each of you. Explain to her that you do not have it in you to provide the closeness she appears so desperate for and perhaps she will finally accept what you are willing and able to give her. It may lessen the tension between you.

DEAR ABBY: We're planning a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for my parents. My son "Mark" and his girlfriend, "Cindy," have been a couple for six years and have a 3-year-old son. They live in another town and plan to be married after Mark gets his degree.

Abby, my father was never told about the birth of Mark and Cindy's child, per strict orders from my mother. Because Dad adheres to the values and morals he learned as a young man in the 1950s, Mom is afraid he would "have a stroke" if he knew.

Mom refuses to allow Mark and Cindy to bring their son to the party because Dad still doesn't know. All of the other great-grandchildren will be there and included in the photos. This seems unfair and heartless. What can I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Depriving your father of knowledge that he has a great-grandchild has not only been unfair to the child, but also unfair to your father. The news will not "kill" him. He made it through the 1960s, '70s and '80s, didn't he? At this point, he may be surprised, but by now nothing will shock him. What may disturb him is learning that this was kept from him for so long.

You should insist that he be told. Your grandson is not a guilty secret. He deserves to know his great-grandfather while there is still time. And if your mother won't tell your father, then you should do it -- before the party.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who is not happy with who I am. When I was younger I always imagined what I'd be like when I was older -- and this is not who I want to be.

I am the girl everyone wants to date. I have lost people close to me lately and made mistakes I wish I could take back. I love God and the fact that He gave me life, but I don't like myself. People treat me like I have no feelings sometimes, and I'm tired of drama that isn't worth my time. I want to change who I am to who I really want to be.

Do you have any tips on how to make myself the person I want to be, and not the person everyone else wants? -- WHO AM I? VALRICO, FLA.

DEAR WHO AM I?: You are an intelligent young lady who has recognized that she must make changes if she wants to achieve her goals. Good for you.

At 12, you're not frozen into any role. There is time to change your image. While it may be flattering to be someone "everyone wants to date," you are not obligated to date anyone. Concentrate on improving your grades, becoming active in sports, developing your interests and a stronger relationship with your church. If you do, you will form different kinds of relationships that will enable you to become the person you want to be. I have no doubt that you'll accomplish whatever you set your mind to because you have already started.

DEAR ABBY: I am a friendly, 23-year-old woman who likes to make new friends all the time. Recently, though, I have had a few "bumps" and I'm not sure if I may be doing something wrong.

I tried to befriend one girl who was an acquaintance from high school. I found her on Facebook and sent her a message. She replied that she was glad for the surprise e-mail. I sent her a reply, but she never returned one. I also tried to add her as a friend, but she declined.

Then there's the girl who is the sister of one of my male friends. I found her on Facebook, too, and sent her an e-mail. It was the same story. I got a friendly reply -- then nothing.

I met the third girl online at a different friend-type site. She said she was "so glad I messaged her" and the same scenario repeated. I'm confused. Am I making some mistake or just picking the wrong people to befriend? -- EVERYONE'S PAL, EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR PAL: What matters in life isn't the number of friends one has, but the quality of the friendship. Friendship does not usually happen spontaneously, it takes time and common interests among acquaintances to build.

Instead of trying to make friends all the time, concentrate on trying to nurture relationships more slowly on common interest sites. The approach you have chosen may strike others as a little too aggressive. Also, stop depending on online sites and venture into the real world, too.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a minor disagreement about the definition of a bachelor. The dictionary defines a bachelor as "an unmarried man." My husband thinks the definition should include "men who have never been married, widowed or divorced."

I think a bachelor is an unmarried man, regardless of the reason he's currently unmarried. He could be divorced or widowed and be a bachelor, as long as his current status is without a companion. What do you say? -- AN INQUIRING COUPLE IN GEORGIA

DEAR COUPLE: I'm inclined to side with your husband on this one. A man who has been divorced is a divorced man; a man who has lost his wife is a widower; and a man who has never been to the altar by the age of 50 is not only a bachelor -- but a confirmed bachelor.