DEAR ABBY: My sister "Penny" and I live in different states and lead completely different lives. We have grown distant over the years -- my choice really.

Penny isn't a bad person. She just doesn't "get" my lifestyle. I have decided to remain unmarried and childless. A husband and family are all Penny ever wanted, and she considers it an insult that I don't want the life she always dreamed about for herself.

I would like to spend time with my sister -- occasionally -- but she has a different personality, no close friends and feels we must have a close relationship because we're sisters. Abby, I don't want to be her replacement for the friends she is unable to make.

Penny complains that I never visit. But when I do, we're both miserable, tend to provoke each other and get under each other's skin. I love her, but it isn't productive for us to spend a lot of time together. I would like to have a less stressful relationship with her and my new nephew. What can I do to make this happen? -- HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR IN WYOMING

DEAR HORSE OF A DIFFERENT COLOR: By being frank with your sister and telling her exactly what you have told me. You can have a less stressful relationship with her, but it will require some compromise on the part of each of you. Explain to her that you do not have it in you to provide the closeness she appears so desperate for and perhaps she will finally accept what you are willing and able to give her. It may lessen the tension between you.

DEAR ABBY: We're planning a 50th wedding anniversary celebration for my parents. My son "Mark" and his girlfriend, "Cindy," have been a couple for six years and have a 3-year-old son. They live in another town and plan to be married after Mark gets his degree.

Abby, my father was never told about the birth of Mark and Cindy's child, per strict orders from my mother. Because Dad adheres to the values and morals he learned as a young man in the 1950s, Mom is afraid he would "have a stroke" if he knew.

Mom refuses to allow Mark and Cindy to bring their son to the party because Dad still doesn't know. All of the other great-grandchildren will be there and included in the photos. This seems unfair and heartless. What can I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Depriving your father of knowledge that he has a great-grandchild has not only been unfair to the child, but also unfair to your father. The news will not "kill" him. He made it through the 1960s, '70s and '80s, didn't he? At this point, he may be surprised, but by now nothing will shock him. What may disturb him is learning that this was kept from him for so long.

You should insist that he be told. Your grandson is not a guilty secret. He deserves to know his great-grandfather while there is still time. And if your mother won't tell your father, then you should do it -- before the party.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who is not happy with who I am. When I was younger I always imagined what I'd be like when I was older -- and this is not who I want to be.

I am the girl everyone wants to date. I have lost people close to me lately and made mistakes I wish I could take back. I love God and the fact that He gave me life, but I don't like myself. People treat me like I have no feelings sometimes, and I'm tired of drama that isn't worth my time. I want to change who I am to who I really want to be.

Do you have any tips on how to make myself the person I want to be, and not the person everyone else wants? -- WHO AM I? VALRICO, FLA.

DEAR WHO AM I?: You are an intelligent young lady who has recognized that she must make changes if she wants to achieve her goals. Good for you.

At 12, you're not frozen into any role. There is time to change your image. While it may be flattering to be someone "everyone wants to date," you are not obligated to date anyone. Concentrate on improving your grades, becoming active in sports, developing your interests and a stronger relationship with your church. If you do, you will form different kinds of relationships that will enable you to become the person you want to be. I have no doubt that you'll accomplish whatever you set your mind to because you have already started.

DEAR ABBY: I am a friendly, 23-year-old woman who likes to make new friends all the time. Recently, though, I have had a few "bumps" and I'm not sure if I may be doing something wrong.

I tried to befriend one girl who was an acquaintance from high school. I found her on Facebook and sent her a message. She replied that she was glad for the surprise e-mail. I sent her a reply, but she never returned one. I also tried to add her as a friend, but she declined.

Then there's the girl who is the sister of one of my male friends. I found her on Facebook, too, and sent her an e-mail. It was the same story. I got a friendly reply -- then nothing.

I met the third girl online at a different friend-type site. She said she was "so glad I messaged her" and the same scenario repeated. I'm confused. Am I making some mistake or just picking the wrong people to befriend? -- EVERYONE'S PAL, EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR PAL: What matters in life isn't the number of friends one has, but the quality of the friendship. Friendship does not usually happen spontaneously, it takes time and common interests among acquaintances to build.

Instead of trying to make friends all the time, concentrate on trying to nurture relationships more slowly on common interest sites. The approach you have chosen may strike others as a little too aggressive. Also, stop depending on online sites and venture into the real world, too.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a minor disagreement about the definition of a bachelor. The dictionary defines a bachelor as "an unmarried man." My husband thinks the definition should include "men who have never been married, widowed or divorced."

I think a bachelor is an unmarried man, regardless of the reason he's currently unmarried. He could be divorced or widowed and be a bachelor, as long as his current status is without a companion. What do you say? -- AN INQUIRING COUPLE IN GEORGIA

DEAR COUPLE: I'm inclined to side with your husband on this one. A man who has been divorced is a divorced man; a man who has lost his wife is a widower; and a man who has never been to the altar by the age of 50 is not only a bachelor -- but a confirmed bachelor.

DEAR ABBY: I have been keeping a journal for my son since he was born 22 years ago. I have never missed a single day. I write about him regardless of whether I see him or not. Sometimes I'll jot down a verse I remembered, or something happening in his world or an item of newsworthy information. I have also written my thoughts about his life and decisions.

My dilemma is when I should give these writings to him. I don't want to keep them indefinitely because they are meant for him. He is married and has a son on the way. My inclination is to give him the writings of his life on the occasion of his son's birth. He has no idea I've been doing this, so it will be a complete surprise. I'd appreciate your input. -- BLOCKED WRITER IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BLOCKED WRITER: What an amazing gift those journals will be. However, allow me to caution you against giving them to your son when his child is born. There will be a lot going on at that time, and you do not want to distract from that momentous occasion. My advice is to wait until his next milestone birthday and present them to him when he's 25. And because you enjoy journaling, consider starting one about your own life then.

DEAR ABBY: I have always enjoyed Halloween. I like seeing the children in their costumes and, for most of the little ones, it is a fun and magical time.

In our neighborhood, a group of 15 to 20 parents escort their trick-or-treating children from door to door. Sometimes there are 25 to 30 kids. When they approach a house for their treats, the parents remain on the sidewalk, apparently oblivious to what's going on when the door opens.

We have a small front porch that rises about 8 inches above the sidewalk. The kids push and shove, jockeying for position to get their "loot." Last year, a 5-year-old fell off our porch. Fortunately, she was not hurt. The parents did not issue any directions to their children to take turns accepting our candy because they were too busy chatting among themselves.

Because of the inherent danger to unsupervised children (and the possibility of a lawsuit if there should be an accident), I will not be turning on my porch light this year -- the signal in our area that alerts kids that the home is participating in trick-or-treat.

I hope my letter will remind parents to practice mindfulness and make this Sunday a Happy Halloween! -- LIGHTS OUT IN HARRISBURG

DEAR LIGHTS OUT: So do I, and that's why I'm printing your letter, which arrived just in time for me to include it in today's column. Last year your neighbors were lucky the child who fell didn't break a wrist or an ankle. Parents, when escorting your little ghosts, goblins and vampires, please remain vigilant. Common sense must prevail.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with my best friend. It seems so simple when I say it, but when it comes to telling him, the words never come out right. I don't know if I should even say anything. What if it ruins the amazing friendship we already have? Is it worth risking it all? -- HESITANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR HESITANT: Yes, it is, so tell him how you feel. If he has feelings for you, you'll get what you're angling for. If he doesn't, it does not mean your friendship must end. It will let you know that if you want a romantic relationship you are free to look elsewhere. Better to know it sooner than later.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)