DEAR ABBY: Our daughter "Joy" is 20. Her boyfriend, "Danny," is 22. They plan to be married once they graduate from college. Danny is a wonderful young man who loves our daughter very much.
Danny's parents have an expensive home, two new cars, a boat and a vacation home. They do not help their son financially -- even with college. Danny works full time, attends school full time and pays all of his expenses. What concerns me is that he has a car payment, a school loan and is using a credit card to buy an engagement ring for Joy.
Joy and Danny would like a big, expensive wedding. Although we would like to do that for our daughter, we are reluctant about spending so much for a wedding, knowing that afterward they will have to pay off all of Danny's bills. Should we voice our concerns to our daughter or keep our mouths shut? We don't want to start out as bad in-laws. -- LOVING DAD IN UTAH
DEAR LOVING DAD: Your daughter's fiance appears to be a fine young man with a lot of responsibility on his shoulders. As a caring parent, by all means express your concern to both of them. And when you do, consider offering them the alternative of scaling down the wedding and using the balance of the money to retire some of his debt. I can't imagine a more considerate and loving gift than that for them.