DEAR ABBY: I recently gave birth to a beautiful, perfect baby girl, "Cassie." I also just returned to work. I would love to stay home, but I cannot afford to financially. I am lucky that my best friend, "Mary Ellen," doesn't have to work and has offered to care for my little 8-week-old bundle of joy.

My problem is, every day when I go to pick up Cassie, I must wait for Mary Ellen to say goodbye to her. She has started instructing me about how Cassie likes to sleep, be burped and held. While I appreciate her watching and caring for my little one, I am Cassie's mom and I know what she likes. The time I have with my daughter is precious. I just want to pick her up and go home.

How do I tell my friend it upsets me that she feels she should tell me about how to care for my own baby? I feel guilty and sad that I must work, and her comments make it worse. I know she's only trying to help. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but what can I do? -- WORKING MOMMY IN BALTIMORE

DEAR WORKING MOMMY: Before your resentment grows any further, set Mary Ellen straight. Tell her you're grateful she can watch Cassie, but when you come to pick her up you want the baby ready to go. Tell your friend the time you must spend away from your daughter is painful and when she "suggests" how to hold or burp the baby, it makes you feel it's a reflection on your maternal ability.

If Mary Ellen gets it, things will improve. If she doesn't, make other arrangements for your child. Your friend may be becoming too attached to your baby and confused about her role.

DEAR ABBY: I run a successful restaurant business. One of my key employees, "Zayne," has Tourette's syndrome. He has been a loyal and valuable waiter for many years.

When customers ask what is wrong with him because he makes noises or hits himself, how should I respond? Most of our regular customers understand his condition and ignore it. However, we do get the occasional socially inept customer who gawks or asks rude questions.

I would defend and protect Zayne. He knows people ask about him, and if they question him, he tells them about his condition. What's the best way to respond politely to people who don't have a clue? -- ZAYNE'S BOSS IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR BOSS: If you are asked about Zayne, tell the questioner, "That's Zayne. He has been a valued employee here for many years. If you want an answer to your question, ask him."

DEAR ABBY: Every time my son and his wife get into a big argument, she kicks him out of the bedroom and has their 8-year-old daughter sleep with her. This has happened many times in my granddaughter's life.

Should I be concerned for my granddaughter, or mind my own business? -- CONCERNED GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED GRANDMA: If you're smart you won't insert yourself into your son and daughter-in-law's marital problems. They have enough of them without that. As to your granddaughter being invited to bunk with her mother when her father is in the doghouse -- I don't think it will harm the child. Hearing her parents squabble might, however.

DEAR ABBY: My hardworking husband of four years, "Brian," loves to eat out three or four nights a week. It's nice not to have to cook, and I have become spoiled. He loves treating. We take along friends, family members or business associates.

The problem is, Brian wants to sit for two or three hours, have drinks and talk before he eats. He insists that I wait until he is ready to eat. Sometimes it becomes as late as 10 p.m.

I have a sensitive stomach and I need to eat early. I have eaten dinner early my entire life. If I eat late, my stomach goes into knots, and by the time we get home it's time for bed because I'm sleepy. Brian can sleep on a full stomach with no problem. I get acid reflux.

Brian expects our guests to adhere to his routine. Even when we have cookouts, everyone must wait for the entree. He says, "Well, they'll just have to wait. I don't want anyone to eat and run."

I put out appetizers, but it's not enough to hold them. If we don't wait, he gets angry and threatens not to have another cookout. I have explained that not everyone can eat so late.

Abby, what's your perspective on this? Who's right here? -- HUNGRY IN ARIZONA

DEAR HUNGRY: You are. It appears you married a hardworking, self-centered drinker with a need to control everyone around him. A generous host takes the needs and wishes of his guests into consideration. A selfish one behaves like your husband does. Frankly, I'm surprised that anyone who didn't have to would accept more than two dinner or cookout invitations.

You should eat something before going to dinner with him and do the same at home whenever you need to. If you don't, it could have a serious, negative impact on your health.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I made a horrible mistake. I broke the law and was convicted of three misdemeanors. I live in a small town, so the news became very public. I lost my job, many friends and my reputation.

I am still working to rebuild my life and find some sense of normalcy for myself and my family. I have been in therapy since the event and have learned a lot from this experience.

My problem is, my brother will not forgive me. He holds it over my head and refuses to support me in my efforts. He said I deserve whatever I get. I love my brother and am close to my other siblings. I don't want our relationship to be estranged, but I can't take his judgmental attitude anymore. What can I do? -- SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA SIB

DEAR SIB: Because you are in therapy, discuss this with your therapist. I assume that having been convicted, you have paid -- or are repaying -- your debt to society. You are working to rebuild your life; you are doing all you can right now to get back on track. You are close with your other siblings, so work with that. Do not measure your worth through your brother's eyes. He may not be capable of forgiveness. And if that's the case, it's a reflection of who he is -- not who you are.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old woman who is involved in a serious relationship with a wonderful man. We've been together for about three months and we're very much in love.

My problem: I think I'm obsessed with him. I am happy only when we spend time together. When we're not, I feel sad and alone. I spend my time following his activities on social networking sites and constantly checking my cell phone, hoping he sends me a message.

This is my first serious relationship. I know he loves me as much as I love him because he has mentioned marriage and having kids together someday. Is what I am experiencing normal? -- LOVESTRUCK IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOVESTRUCK: It's not unusual for a first relationship, but you're right to be concerned. Take a step back and look at what you're doing. We cannot depend on someone else to make us happy or make us whole. When a woman spends all her time tracking what her boyfriend is doing when he's not with her and waiting for the phone to ring, it makes her a less-interesting person to be around than she could be. And that kind of dependency can drive a man away.

It is important that you create a balance between what's going on in the relationship and continuing to develop yourself as an individual. Your boyfriend seems to have no problem doing this.

DEAR ABBY: I have a hard time empathizing with people who are sick. My mother suffered from all sorts of medical issues and it affected me greatly.

My husband, "Glen," and I are in our 50s. He's nearing 60, and as we age I expect our health will decline. Glen already takes medications for several conditions. I, on the other hand, have always enjoyed excellent health.

I'm afraid to tell this to Glen because I'm afraid he'll keep his conditions from me and think I don't want to be there for him. How can I increase my "caring gene"? I have had therapy for other issues. What can I do? -- NURSING A FLAW IN TEXAS

I find myself becoming impatient when Glen is sick. It's not that I think he's faking; I just think he needs to "get over it" and not let it affect him. I hide my feelings pretty well. I take care of him, make chicken soup, let him rest, pick up his medicine or whatever. But I'm afraid if he were to become seriously ill that I wouldn't take good care of him. I love him dearly, but I don't seem to be able to work up sympathy when he (or anyone) is sick.

DEAR NURSING: Lack of empathy is the inability to relate to the feelings of others. Some individuals have such an overabundance of empathy that they become literally paralyzed by the pain of another person. Be glad you aren't one of those.

When a spouse becomes sick and dependent, it can be a challenge. You can minimize or ignore it, or you can choose to be solicitous and helpful. Tolerating the complaints that go along with being ill isn't always easy, but if you visualize how you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed, it might help you be less impatient.

I'm sorry you weren't more forthcoming about the issues that sent you into therapy. If you really feel you might be emotionally absent when the chips are down, contact your therapist and start working on it now.