DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old woman who has been helping to raise my three adorable godchildren over the last few years. Their mother is also 23. She became pregnant with her oldest when she was 15. She's a young single mother, unprepared for the full responsibility, so I have stepped in.

When they were babies, we would take turns rocking them all night. I take them to the doctor's when they are sick -- with or without their mom. I helped select which schools they attend. Through the years I have been there every day, waking them in the morning, taking them to school, putting them to bed, etc.

I am now being married and have slightly reduced my day-to-day role, although I am still in many ways the "other parent." I get criticized for this all the time. I am constantly being told, "They are not your children. You shouldn't be doing this." Even my future in-laws have said it.

I don't know how to respond. I love the children very much, as if they were my own. I can't let them suffer for their mother's numerous mistakes. I'd appreciate any advice you can give me. -- GODMOTHER OF THREE IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR GODMOTHER: May I begin by asking, "Where is their mother?" Where are the grandparents? Three children, no father(s) -- who is supporting them? You are a caring angel to have stepped in to the extent that you have, but why isn't their mother around to put them to bed at night, wake them in the morning, and see that they get to the doctor when they are so sick they need one? Something is seriously out of kilter.

In the not-too-distant future you will have children of your own to care for. Husbands need a certain amount of care and nurturing, too. It will be impossible for you to continue to be as involved as you have been in your godchildren's lives. You are doing the right thing by transitioning away, and you must continue to do so. Much as you love them, your godchildren are their mother's responsibility, and you have already done more than you should have been expected (or asked) to do.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a troubled marriage. He was a good father and provider, and I respected him for that. But he did not respect me. He constantly blamed and criticized me for his many emotional problems. After I told him I was leaving him, he committed suicide.

My problem is, our adult children blame me for his death. I don't want to bad-mouth their father or tell them the unpleasant details of our marriage, but they don't know the whole story.

I have had lots of professional counseling and my kids have had some, but they refuse to attend any more sessions. Should I just continue to do the best I can and hope they can be more forgiving as they mature, or should I tell them my side of the story? -- DOING THE BEST I CAN

DEAR DOING: Your children should have been told the whole story while you were together in counseling. If you allow them to continue in their belief that you caused their father's death, their anger will only continue to grow. If possible, that important conversation should be held with the help of a mediator. Because they refuse to see a therapist, I'm recommending your religious adviser.

DEAR ABBY: Do you have any data on the success of remarrying your ex-spouse? After being married to my husband for 25 years, we divorced due to his infidelity. We have been divorced for eight years and have had no contact.

A family member's funeral brought us face-to-face again, and we have been in touch ever since. Neither of us has remarried or been in a relationship. We realize that we still have feelings for each other and have discussed remarrying in the future.

I love him, but I'm wary of being hurt again. What do you think? Does remarrying your ex ever work? -- HAVING SECOND (TIME) THOUGHTS

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: It can work, provided you're both willing to deal with the issues that broke you up in the first place. By that, I mean that you must be ready to examine whether there was something missing in the marriage that caused your husband to cheat, or whether he has a character flaw and would repeat his infidelity.

I strongly recommend you do this with the assistance of a licensed marriage counselor. If you both go through the process, remarrying your ex could work. If you don't, you would be courting another dose of heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Nick" for more than a year. We have both been married before -- Nick's a widower, and I am divorced. He says he cares for me, but doesn't feel passionate about me, nor does "love" describe how he feels about me.

We are intimate, are great friends and spend almost every day together. He treats me great, dates no one else and I can be myself around him. But am I cheating myself by accepting the status quo? Our intimate times aren't satisfying because of the lack of emotional ties, but I'm torn because I enjoy his company. I am confused. Any words of wisdom, Abby? -- NOT QUITE FULFILLED

DEAR NOT QUITE FULFILLED: You and Nick are friends with benefits. Because you have no future with him beyond what you have now, and because intimacy with him is not satisfying because of his inability (or refusal) to emotionally commit -- I'd have to say he's reaping more of the benefits. The status quo is a substitute for what you really want, and yes, you are cheating yourself.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get out of an affair that has been going on for two years? I started it at a bad time in my life --- fights with my husband, the pressure of having three young kids, and a business we co-owned that was in financial difficulty. I know what I did was wrong. My husband doesn't know, and I don't think he suspects.

I'm afraid if I end the affair, I will get blackmailed or found out. My lover refuses to end it. He wants me and thinks he can treat me better than my husband. Any advice? -- STUCK IN HOT TEXAS

DEAR STUCK: Just this. A man who "refuses to end it" and implies that he would blackmail or betray you is not someone you would ever want to spend your life with. It's time to tell your husband everything -- that you deeply regret what you have done, why it happened, that you want to heal your marriage and be free of this barnacle who refuses to let go. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Marissa," and I are expecting our first child. My sister "Patti" has a little boy whom we all love and adore. When Patti learned that we're having a girl, she said we don't "deserve" to have one because she has always wanted a daughter. Then Marissa added fuel to the fire with a few well-chosen remarks of her own that she shared with friends and neighbors.

I just want all of this to stop and I don't know how to accomplish it. I'm upset with Patti for her behavior, and sad that my wife and sister are at odds. This is hurting everyone in the family. What should I do? -- STRESSED-OUT DAD-TO-BE

DEAR STRESSED OUT: Everyone needs to just calm down. Your wife and sister need to apologize to each other. Patti may have been joking when she said you don't deserve to have a baby girl. What she may have meant -- and overstated -- was that she was experiencing a twinge of jealousy.

Suggest to Marissa that your sister shouldn't have been taken literally, and that she apologize to Patti for "snapping." Ditto for your sister for her tactlessness. Then remind your sister that we don't live in a country with a one-child policy. If she wants to try for a daughter, she is free to do so, and in the meantime, she'll have a sweet little niece to spoil.

DEAR ABBY: My family moved to a new state last year. While there have been ups and downs, one of the things I miss most is my pets. Before we moved, we had a dog, a cat and some goldfish. Now we're in an apartment and can't afford all the fees associated with having pets. Also the apartment is too cramped to accommodate them.

My son "Toby" is 2. He loved each of the animals. He'd watch the dog run around, pet the cat and stare at the fish. The cat slept in Toby's nursery, the dog guarded him in his stroller, and the fish loved him because he fed them.

How can I encourage my son's natural love of animals? A few hours playing with a cat or dog would be fine. -- PETLESS IN MARYLAND

DEAR PETLESS: Buy your son more goldfish. Read him stories about animals, and take him to the zoo as often as you can manage. His love of animals has already begun and this will continue it to develop.

DEAR ABBY: My family moved to a new state last year. While there have been ups and downs, one of the things I miss most is my pets. Before we moved, we had a dog, a cat and some goldfish. Now we're in an apartment and can't afford all the fees associated with having pets. Also the apartment is too cramped to accommodate them.

My son "Toby" is 2. He loved each of the animals. He'd watch the dog run around, pet the cat and stare at the fish. The cat slept in Toby's nursery, the dog guarded him in his stroller, and the fish loved him because he fed them.

How can I encourage my son's natural love of animals? A few hours playing with a cat or dog would be fine. -- PETLESS IN MARYLAND

DEAR PETLESS: Buy your son more goldfish. Read him stories about animals, and take him to the zoo as often as you can manage. His love of animals has already begun and this will continue it to develop.