DEAR ABBY: My wife recently died of lung cancer. While the family would like her ashes buried at the family plot, it was my wife's wish for her remains to be scattered in a favorite location far away. Family members are trying to discourage me by raising all sorts of issues.

Abby, is there any TSA or airline rule/law that would prevent me from carrying my wife's ashes on a flight to another state? -- MISSING MY LADY OUT WEST

DEAR MISSING: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your wife. I spoke with Transportation Security Administration spokesman Greg Soule. One challenge with transporting crematory remains may involve the security screening process.

TSA personnel will never ask you to open an urn. However, if the urn is made of metal that cannot be penetrated by X-ray, it would have to be packed in your checked baggage or shipped. Some funeral homes will transfer ashes to a temporary plastic container in situations like this. Urns made of ceramic or wood typically do not present a challenge.

Mr. Soule said he is not aware of any airline that prohibits passengers from traveling with crematory remains, but it's a good idea to check with the airline in advance. You should also visit � HYPERLINK "http://www.tsa.gov" ��www.tsa.gov�, click on "For Travelers" and read the section on "Traveling With Special Items."

DEAR ABBY: I consider myself an intelligent, accomplished young woman. I get good grades. I aced my SATs and am an accomplished musician. My problem is I'm afraid I project an image that is too "girly" or immature.

I have a naturally high voice and people seem surprised when they learn how well I do in school and in extracurricular activities. Sometimes I'm tempted to prove them wrong, but I'm also worried about the impression I give professors, employers and those who matter. How do I present myself more professionally so that people will take me seriously without sacrificing my femininity? -- STUDENT IN OBERLIN, OHIO

DEAR STUDENT: Whether it's fair or not, many people do form preconceptions because of the way someone presents her- or himself. Two suggestions come immediately to mind. Ask an adult to go through your closet with you and help you coordinate outfits that are conservative and more mature than "school outfits." If you have the money, start investing in some clothes that are suited to a business environment. And last -- but not least -- talk to a voice coach or speech therapist about lowering the register of your voice, which will make you appear to be older and more assertive.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a well-educated, 27-year-old daughter who has a master's degree. Yet she never remembers birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, etc. with a gift. While I have never expected anything lavish, it's hurtful to receive nothing but a card.

My daughter wasn't raised this way. She was fortunate to have two professional parents who provided a very good life for her. What should I do, Abby? Should I just send a card for her birthday and Christmas, or write and let her know how hurtful I find her negligence? -- NOT GIFTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT GIFTED: Your daughter may hold a master's degree, but she's not a mind-reader. I can't think of a better way to communicate your feelings in a clear, coherent way than to put them in writing. Go ahead and write her a letter. But before mailing it, wait three or four days so you can reread and edit it if necessary.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: My mother does other things while she's driving, and it's a big problem for me. I only just got legal to be in the front seat (I'm 13). I don't want to be in the car with her.

She does things like put on lip liner and lip gloss and texts while she drives. She also takes both hands off the wheel and drives with her knees. When I ask her to stop, she tells me not to be a backseat driver. I have even told my grandparents what she's doing. What else can I do? -- GETTING GRAY HAIR AT 13

DEAR GETTING GRAY: If ever I heard of someone who needs a backseat driver, it is your mother. It's bad enough that someone alone in a car would do the dangerous things she is doing, but for a parent to do it with a child in the car is beyond the pale. It's child endangerment. Clip this column, circle your letter and show it to your mother!

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest daughter, "Camille," has been married for a year. During this time my husband and I have watched Camille berate her husband, "Mike," in front of us and others. When I ask her why she does it, her answer is invariably, "He does these annoying things to tick me off." I can't stand how humiliating it must be for Mike.

Camille's husband is quiet and passive. Watching my daughter turn him into a wimp is heartbreaking. My biggest concern is that they are expecting their first child and, when it comes to mood swings, Camille is in rare form. I can't help but wonder how all this will play out. Will this drive Mike off, leaving Camille a single mother?

I have tried talking to my daughter about how wives and husbands should respect one another, but she refuses to listen. Can you advise me in this sad situation before it is too late? -- WORRIED GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR GRANDMA-TO-BE: Yes, take a look at how Mike's mother treats his father. It's possible that Mike is passive and accepting of your daughter's abuse because that's what he was brought up to think is normal. However, if that's not the case, warn your daughter again -- and again -- that if she continues her verbal abuse and he rediscovers his self-respect, she may eventually find herself raising their child alone. People who don't value what they've got often wind up losing it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in a new relationship. One thing I have noticed that seems to drive guys away is her use of the cell phone.

Before texting became popular, she would feel the need to call a guy during the day to wish him a good day at work. Then she'd try to call him at night to "see how the day went." Now, with texting, she'll text him "good morning," do it again sometime during the day if he doesn't answer back, then text again in the evening.

I have told her many times that guys get annoyed by this after a few days, but she doesn't understand. She says it's a gesture of caring. My daughter is 27, so I can't take the phone away. How can I tell her to back off? -- TRYING TO HELP IN RAYTOWN, MO.

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: The next time your daughter tells you that what she's doing is a "gesture of caring," tell her it is also a gesture of stalking. Remind her that most men like to at least think they are doing some of the chasing, and then tick off for her the names of the many (I'm sure) men she has chased off by doing what she's doing. If that doesn't help her to see the light, then accept it -- she's going to be single for a long, long time.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend "Chucky" and I have been together for a while and things are starting to get serious. I'm 15 and he's almost 18.

I'm falling in love with him, which has never happened with any other guy. I really think he's "The One." Chucky proposed, but it isn't official yet. I still have no ring, but I'm thinking of accepting. Now he says he wants a baby.

I'm too young to be having a baby, but he says he'll take care of me if it happens. I trust him, but I don't know what to believe. A part of me says he'll stay with me, the other part says he'll get scared and leave. What if something goes wrong and I get pregnant by accident? I'm so confused. Can you please help me? -- CHUCKY'S GIRL IN VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR CHUCKY'S GIRL: At "almost 18" Chucky is not yet self-supporting, let alone in a position to support a child -- and at 15, neither are you. Chucky may want a baby to prove to himself that he's a man, but a real man wouldn't put a woman he loves in a vulnerable position -- and motherhood at 16 is exactly that.

Did you know that when young men reach the age of 18 they are considered adults? Adult males who have sex with underage girls can find themselves in jail for it. If you don't have sex with Chucky, there will be no "accidents."

It's hard to think clearly when you think you're falling in love, but I'm asking you to make a superhuman effort. I can't stress strongly enough how important it is that you finish high school, so that when you do become a mother you'll be able to support yourself and your child if you need to. Many women do. They also sometimes have to support a husband who can't find work.

Before things go any further, please find an adult woman you can confide in. She'll set you straight!

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Barbie," volunteered to be the maid of honor in my wedding. She didn't attend any of the dress fittings because she doesn't have a car. She volunteered to throw a bridal shower despite having no money, and asked my fiance to contribute. After he told Barbie he was "tapped out" (because of the wedding bills), she suggested he return some of the gifts he had bought me!

Two days before the shower, I learned she had selected a dress more suited to a stripper pole than a church wedding ceremony. At that point, my fiance decided to remove her from the bridal party.

Barbie feels slighted and doesn't understand why we made the day about "us" and not her. She's genuinely hurt that we didn't "consider her financial position." (We didn't ask for her help in the first place.)

Would you please lend your vast wisdom and insight to this matter? -- DENIAL IS NOT A RIVER IN EGYPT

DEAR DENIAL: When Barbie volunteered to be your maid of honor, knowing her financial situation you should have politely told her no. Because you didn't, you should have made sure she understood the financial responsibilities that went with being in the wedding. And since she had no transportation, someone should have offered her a ride to the dress fitting, which would have enabled you to see her dress selection.

That said, your friend was pushy to ask to be in the wedding in the first place, gutsy to expect your fiance to return your gifts to help her pay for the shower and clueless about wedding etiquette. Make a pact to forgive her if she'll forgive you, and all of you should go on with your lives. I predict it will be in opposite directions.