DEAR ABBY: My mother does other things while she's driving, and it's a big problem for me. I only just got legal to be in the front seat (I'm 13). I don't want to be in the car with her.

She does things like put on lip liner and lip gloss and texts while she drives. She also takes both hands off the wheel and drives with her knees. When I ask her to stop, she tells me not to be a backseat driver. I have even told my grandparents what she's doing. What else can I do? -- GETTING GRAY HAIR AT 13

DEAR GETTING GRAY: If ever I heard of someone who needs a backseat driver, it is your mother. It's bad enough that someone alone in a car would do the dangerous things she is doing, but for a parent to do it with a child in the car is beyond the pale. It's child endangerment. Clip this column, circle your letter and show it to your mother!

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest daughter, "Camille," has been married for a year. During this time my husband and I have watched Camille berate her husband, "Mike," in front of us and others. When I ask her why she does it, her answer is invariably, "He does these annoying things to tick me off." I can't stand how humiliating it must be for Mike.

Camille's husband is quiet and passive. Watching my daughter turn him into a wimp is heartbreaking. My biggest concern is that they are expecting their first child and, when it comes to mood swings, Camille is in rare form. I can't help but wonder how all this will play out. Will this drive Mike off, leaving Camille a single mother?

I have tried talking to my daughter about how wives and husbands should respect one another, but she refuses to listen. Can you advise me in this sad situation before it is too late? -- WORRIED GRANDMA-TO-BE

DEAR GRANDMA-TO-BE: Yes, take a look at how Mike's mother treats his father. It's possible that Mike is passive and accepting of your daughter's abuse because that's what he was brought up to think is normal. However, if that's not the case, warn your daughter again -- and again -- that if she continues her verbal abuse and he rediscovers his self-respect, she may eventually find herself raising their child alone. People who don't value what they've got often wind up losing it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in a new relationship. One thing I have noticed that seems to drive guys away is her use of the cell phone.

Before texting became popular, she would feel the need to call a guy during the day to wish him a good day at work. Then she'd try to call him at night to "see how the day went." Now, with texting, she'll text him "good morning," do it again sometime during the day if he doesn't answer back, then text again in the evening.

I have told her many times that guys get annoyed by this after a few days, but she doesn't understand. She says it's a gesture of caring. My daughter is 27, so I can't take the phone away. How can I tell her to back off? -- TRYING TO HELP IN RAYTOWN, MO.

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: The next time your daughter tells you that what she's doing is a "gesture of caring," tell her it is also a gesture of stalking. Remind her that most men like to at least think they are doing some of the chasing, and then tick off for her the names of the many (I'm sure) men she has chased off by doing what she's doing. If that doesn't help her to see the light, then accept it -- she's going to be single for a long, long time.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend "Chucky" and I have been together for a while and things are starting to get serious. I'm 15 and he's almost 18.

I'm falling in love with him, which has never happened with any other guy. I really think he's "The One." Chucky proposed, but it isn't official yet. I still have no ring, but I'm thinking of accepting. Now he says he wants a baby.

I'm too young to be having a baby, but he says he'll take care of me if it happens. I trust him, but I don't know what to believe. A part of me says he'll stay with me, the other part says he'll get scared and leave. What if something goes wrong and I get pregnant by accident? I'm so confused. Can you please help me? -- CHUCKY'S GIRL IN VICTORVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR CHUCKY'S GIRL: At "almost 18" Chucky is not yet self-supporting, let alone in a position to support a child -- and at 15, neither are you. Chucky may want a baby to prove to himself that he's a man, but a real man wouldn't put a woman he loves in a vulnerable position -- and motherhood at 16 is exactly that.

Did you know that when young men reach the age of 18 they are considered adults? Adult males who have sex with underage girls can find themselves in jail for it. If you don't have sex with Chucky, there will be no "accidents."

It's hard to think clearly when you think you're falling in love, but I'm asking you to make a superhuman effort. I can't stress strongly enough how important it is that you finish high school, so that when you do become a mother you'll be able to support yourself and your child if you need to. Many women do. They also sometimes have to support a husband who can't find work.

Before things go any further, please find an adult woman you can confide in. She'll set you straight!

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Barbie," volunteered to be the maid of honor in my wedding. She didn't attend any of the dress fittings because she doesn't have a car. She volunteered to throw a bridal shower despite having no money, and asked my fiance to contribute. After he told Barbie he was "tapped out" (because of the wedding bills), she suggested he return some of the gifts he had bought me!

Two days before the shower, I learned she had selected a dress more suited to a stripper pole than a church wedding ceremony. At that point, my fiance decided to remove her from the bridal party.

Barbie feels slighted and doesn't understand why we made the day about "us" and not her. She's genuinely hurt that we didn't "consider her financial position." (We didn't ask for her help in the first place.)

Would you please lend your vast wisdom and insight to this matter? -- DENIAL IS NOT A RIVER IN EGYPT

DEAR DENIAL: When Barbie volunteered to be your maid of honor, knowing her financial situation you should have politely told her no. Because you didn't, you should have made sure she understood the financial responsibilities that went with being in the wedding. And since she had no transportation, someone should have offered her a ride to the dress fitting, which would have enabled you to see her dress selection.

That said, your friend was pushy to ask to be in the wedding in the first place, gutsy to expect your fiance to return your gifts to help her pay for the shower and clueless about wedding etiquette. Make a pact to forgive her if she'll forgive you, and all of you should go on with your lives. I predict it will be in opposite directions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a parole officer, and while I agree with and support your response to "Smitten in New York" (Aug. 6), I would like to offer an additional comment. People can and do change their lives while incarcerated. However, when they are in a controlled environment, their changed lives on the outside are still in their imaginations.

Many inmates who make very positive plans for their future when they're released, discover life "on the outs" doesn't unfold the way they imagined it would. Some of them deal with substance abuse issues, mental illness, brain injuries and a lack of education and life skills. I would caution "Smitten" not to become too involved with her pen pal after his release until he has proven his ability to be the partner she believes and hopes he will be. -- KELLY IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR KELLY: Thank you for your comments. I received many letters from former pen pals of inmates, all advising -- pleading with -- "Smitten" to run as fast as she can from this man. Today, however, I'll print some from those in the know from the "inside." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Smitten" and countless other women (and men) who write and visit inmates do not fully understand the situation they're potentially putting themselves in.

Any one inmate receives numerous letters, graphic photos and visitors, and not all from the same "potential special person." Inmates live and breathe a 24/7 confined life, with nothing to do but find ways to entertain or protect themselves.

It's not far-fetched that an inmate may be under the control of a gang affiliation and need to do certain things to gain a "rep" inside the walls. They have plenty of time to consider the who, how, what and wheres of surviving in jail.

Sure, some inmates have taken a different road, but is "Smitten" ready to bring a con into her family in the hopes that he's telling the truth? I work in a maximum security prison in New York. "Smitten," I strongly urge you to reconsider communicating with this inmate. And I hope you're not sending him money or letting him know your financial situation. -- SEEN FROM THE INSIDE

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired corrections officer from the state of Florida, and this woman has fallen for the most common game played by inmates. One person writes the letter and the others pay him for it with cigarettes or other items they can buy in the canteen. Inmates will come up with amazing fictions to make people feel sorry for them, or send them money to be put in their inmate trust fund.

I can guarantee "Smitten" that this inmate has absolutely no feelings for her and is only using her. If she's that gullible -- or stupid -- she deserves to be used. If she's that lonely, she should get a dog! -- CHRIS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I'm a paralegal who has worked for a criminal defense attorney in Florida for many years. Florida has a comprehensive Web site and its offender information search posts not only photos, but also lists prior incarcerations and case information about the crime for which inmates are presently serving. To find the state prison site, "Smitten" should input "Florida Department of Corrections" and look for the "Offender" information search.

"Smitten" is playing with fire, Abby, and if she gets burned it will be because she'd rather believe the fantasy and ignore the reality. She needs to do her homework before accepting this man's declarations as truth. -- FORMERLY BURNED IN FLORIDA