DEAR ABBY: I have been with my fiance, "Joe," for seven years. My problem is that he refuses invitations from my family to events and leaves me to go solo. Before the end of the year, there will be a baptism in which I am the godmother, as well as three weddings. Joe says he won't attend any of them.

He claims he's not interested in the baptism of our niece because he's not religious. He's declining the wedding invitations because he doesn't know the people well. He uses work as an excuse. Although he is required to work on weekends, it still infuriates me.

It's humiliating going to these family events alone, while people ask why Joe isn't there. I could give the "work" excuse, but I'm sure they'll find it hard to swallow that he can never get off.

I'm worried that when we're married my family won't show up because he pulls this. I have told him if he doesn't change I will need to reconsider our relationship. Giving me a few days out of the year shouldn't be a big deal. Am I right to be angry? -- SOCIALLY OBLIGATED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SOCIALLY OBLIGATED: After tolerating this for seven years, you are only now getting upset about it? Your fiance may feel awkward in social situations, which is why he avoids them. If the reason for your anger is you're afraid your family won't attend your special events, stop worrying. Because you are attending theirs, they will reciprocate. However, because your fiance is as socially withdrawn as he appears to be, they will never get to know him. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: A young family member, "Missy," age 18, has been doing nude centerfolds for almost a year. Her mother signed the approval paperwork for her because Missy was still 17 at the time of the first photo shoot. Since then, there have been many more photos and nude videos.

Missy's grandparents practically raised her and don't know about what she's doing. The rest of the family is aware of it. Her mother says it's Missy's responsibility to tell her grandparents. The rest of the family would prefer the mother tell them. We all realize we have been part of this conspiracy.

When our parents find out and realize that everyone else knew, they will feel betrayed. I'm afraid this will tear the family apart.

Missy has shared all this with her high school friends and others, so it may just be a matter of time before the grandparents hear about it. Is there a way to keep the family from falling apart over this? -- COVERED UP IN THE DEEP SOUTH

DEAR COVERED UP: Once more than one person knows a secret, it's no longer a secret. When the inevitable happens, keep the hysteria to a minimum. While her grandparents may have preferred that Missy get ahead by using her brains, this doesn't have to be the end of the world. Look at it this way: One person who posed for a nude centerfold is now a U.S. senator. And that's a fact.

DEAR ABBY: My dad was on the kidney transplant list for almost four years. Last week, he received a call that there was a kidney for him. As I sat in the waiting room during his transplant surgery, I became aware that two other families were in the same situation. One's relative was also getting a kidney transplant, the other a liver. As we talked, it became apparent that every transplant surgery that evening was from the same donor.

I can't help but think of the family who lost this young man, who helped to save the lives of three people while grieving their loss. I would like to extend my deepest gratitude to that family and to all the families who have donated the organs of their loved ones.

Because of one person, my father and two other dads got a new lease on life. My plea is for people to mark the back of their driver's license to indicate their willingness to become an organ donor. Also let your families know that you want your organs donated if, God forbid, anything were to ever happen. It will make the decision for them much easier.

Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to speak out and perhaps save someone's life the way someone saved my dad, whom I love very much. -- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN OWENSBORO, KY.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter touched my heart. I hope it will remind everyone what a precious gift each of us can give if we wish.

Readers, I encourage all of you to discuss the subject of organ donation with your families. Let them know you would like to give the "gift of life" and ensure that a part of you lives on. Your generosity can make the difference between life and death for someone.

For more information about organ donation, contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016, call toll-free (800) 622-9010 or log onto � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org�.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has asked me to be her maid of honor. Of course I agreed, but my husband doesn't want me to for a couple of reasons. First, he says I shouldn't be a maid of honor because I am married. Second, he's uncomfortable about my walking down the aisle with another man (the best man) and being photographed with him.

I want to be there for my friend, but I don't want to create tension between my husband and me. He has made it clear that if I choose to be in this wedding he won't attend as a guest.

The wedding is scheduled for a year from now, and I don't want to be stressing about this until next September. What should I do? -- TORN BETWEEN MY FRIEND AND MY HUSBAND

DEAR TORN: It appears you have married a man who is insecure and controlling. If he had said he'd be uncomfortable if you were seated with the bridal party at the reception while he sat in "Siberia," I would understand. However, his idea that a married woman cannot be a maid of honor is incorrect, and his objection that there's something wrong with your walking down the aisle or being photographed with the best man is ridiculous. So tell your husband (sweetly) that he'll be missed at the wedding, and if he's more comfortable not attending it's OK with you.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jake," dumped me two years ago. Since then, we have tried to remain friends. He texts or calls to check up on me, tells me he misses me, calls me pet names and recites lines from my favorite movies.

Although I appreciate Jake's efforts to stay friends, I'm confused because he was the one who broke off our relationship. He has said in the past that letting me go is something he will always regret, but he hasn't made an attempt to get back together.

Abby, I feel that Jake is stringing me along. I enjoy our friendship, but in my heart I'll always want more. I can't shake the feeling that he still loves me. At what point should I just give up and let go? -- LEFT HANGING IN HOUSTON

DEAR LEFT HANGING: How about right now? But before you do, tell Jake that this "friendship" has prolonged the pain of your breakup, that what you feel for him isn't platonic -- and you will always want more. If he does still love you, it will be his opening to declare himself. However, if he doesn't, then for your sake, cut the cord, because you won't be free to find someone else until you do.

DEAR ABBY: I was married in Las Vegas six months ago in a quickie wedding so my husband could put me on his health insurance. I used my late grandmother's ring for the ceremony, assuming that "Harry" would buy one for me shortly. It still hasn't happened, and he makes it very clear he doesn't intend to. Harry claims we don't have any money. However, we are buying a house, and he constantly spends money on his hobbies.

I am starting to regret the whole package -- not having a real wedding, no ring, no proposal. I am so resentful I am considering ending our marriage over it. I need to know if there's a way to fix this. -- RINGLESS IN RICHMOND, TEXAS

DEAR RINGLESS: When most mature couples marry, they have gotten to know each other well enough to know if their values and priorities are similar. Apparently, you and Harry tied the knot so quickly there wasn't time for that to happen. A way to "fix this" would be through marriage counseling -- provided you and Harry are willing to spend the money that way. Please suggest it.

DEAR ABBY: After my wife's funeral, many of our friends returned to the mortuary to collect the flowers they had sent. Some of them were very rude, insisting that because they had sent them, the flowers belonged to them.

This has upset our daughter, who was in charge of sending thank-you notes. Now she doesn't know who sent what because we were too distracted to look at the cards on the flowers. Is this something new, or are those people just rude? -- WIDOWER IN LIVINGSTON, MONT.

DEAR WIDOWER: When flowers have been sent -- whether for a birthday or for an occasion like a funeral -- they are no longer the property of the sender. They belong to whomever they were sent to. What your "many friends" did was insensitive and rude.

As to what your daughter should say in her thank-you notes, I suggest a short message to those who signed the memorial book at the funeral service: "Our family thanks you for attending Mother's funeral, and for your compassion during this sad time. Your thoughtfulness is deeply appreciated."