DEAR ABBY: I met a man here in Afghanistan. (We are both deployed.) Since that day we have been together. "Ben" knows that I love him very much. He is scheduled to leave in two months. I am scheduled to leave two months after that.

Ben lives in Georgia, and I come from Texas. We want to make it work when we leave here. I'll continue with my job, but because he's a contractor, Ben will be unemployed. I'm not worried about it because I know he's a go-getter.

Abby, I have had difficulty when it comes to relationships. I am scared to let my guard down and let this good man provide a life for my children and me. I trusted my kids' father and he walked out of our lives. Ben is everything I have prayed for. He took the step of giving me a promise ring and told me he'd always be here for me. Please give me some good advice on how I should handle this. -- IN LOVE IN AFGHANISTAN

DEAR IN LOVE: Being under life-and-death pressure sharpens all of the senses. When people are in a strange or dangerous environment, their emotions can be heightened. This is not to say that people in a war zone can't fall legitimately in love -- it does happen. And it may have happened for you and Ben. However, the test of the strength of your relationship will come after you are both back home in the USA.

You two have a ways to go before you step up to the altar. Your children need to meet Ben, get to know him and accept him. And he needs to prove to you that he can be not only a life partner to you, but a father to your children.

So my heartfelt advice is to take this one step at a time. Don't rush into anything. If this was meant to be, it will happen in its own time.

DEAR ABBY: A close female friend moved near me with the intention of starting a serious relationship. We're in our 20s and finishing college.

"Hallie" has just been diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer. While her prognosis is fairly optimistic, her doctors say she'll be unable to have children. Hallie loves kids. Knowing she can't have any has broken her heart. I love kids, too, but it's not an absolute requirement for me.

I just started student teaching and can't be there for her during her chemo treatments and doctor visits. Last night, after a few days of pushing me away, Hallie offered me an "out." She told me I should think carefully about everything before deciding to go through all of this with her. I want to be with her in every way I can, but I can't help wondering how things may change for both of us if she beats this. -- TORN APART IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TORN APART: Hallie is an intelligent young woman. She understands the strain a diagnosis like hers can place on a relationship, so do as she has asked. If she beats the cancer, and you stay together and decide to marry, you will be like many other childless couples -- deciding whether to remain childless, adopt or hire a surrogate. You will also appreciate more fully than most what a gift each day you have together really is. And you'll love each other until death do you part.

DEAR ABBY: What is an acceptable time frame to receive a response to a question you send via phone texting? -- WAITING IN MONTGOMERY, ILL.

DEAR WAITING: Although we live in a world where most of us seek instant gratification, the answer depends upon how busy the person you are texting is.

DEAR ABBY: As the mother of a child with special needs, my heart goes out to "Boiling Mad in New Jersey" (July 23). My daughter, "Kate," is also stared at in public. I, too, used to bristle at the unwanted attention, until I began to open up and talk with people. I found most of them to be compassionate and merely curious. Sometimes seeing Kate triggered their memory of a loved one who was affected by a similar challenge.

As often as I can, I take the time to do mini "public service announcements" and chat with folks who linger, look or approach. It's a great way to build a bridge between disabled individuals, who have much to teach, and the non-disabled, who have much to learn. The kids are my favorites. They'll openly ask what everyone wants to know and say what others are afraid to risk saying.

Kate is 16 now, beautiful inside and out. She's pure, loves unconditionally and always forgives. She's our teacher. Please tell "Boiling Mad" that time heals some of the rawness of a fresh diagnosis, and if she'll try to find the best in others, she'll usually be right. -- HAPPIER NOW IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR HAPPIER: Thank you for your insightful letter. You are among many readers who shared similar views on transforming a "staring session" into a positive opportunity. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I worked with special-needs children for a number of years. I actually believe that it is good when people stare. It gives us a chance to help the child learn social skills.

Would "Boiling Mad" prefer everyone pretend her son doesn't exist? How horrible to isolate him like that. It'll make him miserable. The people looking aren't mean, they're just human. Children like to be looked at; it makes them feel important.

Her precious little boy doesn't have only disabilities. He has abilities, too, and developing them should be the focus of every activity she does with him. She'll be amazed at and proud of his growth. -- KATHY IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR ABBY: My child has moderate autism spectrum disorder. Although he looks like everyone else, his extreme behavior brings stares and comments (mostly about my parenting). I now regard it as an opportunity to educate them about autism. I hand them a card explaining it that contains a link to the Autism Society of America.

This tactic, rather than ignoring people, is the way to go. If more people educated others, the stares and rude comments would become smiles and support. -- JON IN BEAVERCREEK, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of those folks who "stare" at others. By no means is there ever a bad intent. I'm a people-watcher. I love watching people communicate in different ways, like signing. Whether someone is in a wheelchair or has a visible disability, I value each and every person.

Maybe "Boiling Mad" doesn't understand that many of us are willing to reach out, lend a hand or just be friendly. I wish to embrace, not ignore, and I hope my behavior isn't perceived to be offensive. -- WELL-MEANING AND OPEN

DEAR ABBY: As parents of a daughter with Down syndrome, we often saw people -- mostly children -- who couldn't take their eyes off our Sara. When she asked us why they were staring and we told her it was because she was so beautiful, she decided to do them a favor and introduce herself. In crowded amusement park lines and outdoor events she'd walk over and say, "Hi. I'm Sara. What's your name?" We have had many great conversations with total strangers and met new friends this way over the past 23 years. Today, Sara and her mom speak at conferences all over the world promoting the hiring of people with disabilities. -- PROUD DAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old male who finds it awkward talking to women my age. I do OK approaching older women for conversation, but become tongue-tied with someone under 25. I would like to meet someone special and develop a relationship with her, but at this rate it's not going to happen anytime soon.

I am told by friends and family that I'm handsome, charming and have a good sense of humor. There will be holiday parties coming up soon, and my friends will be inviting some new people. How can I learn to strike up a conversation? I'm having a real problem here. -- H.P. IN MIAMI BEACH

DEAR H.P.: Not everyone is born with the gift of gab. In fact, most people aren't. But a smile will tell others that you're approachable. It's the universal way of saying, "I'm friendly." If you want to get to know someone, walk over and say, "Hi, I'm 'Hal' -- what's your name?" Introducing yourself isn't being pushy. It's being friendly.

As I say in my booklet "How to Be Popular," the surest cure for shyness is to forget yourself and concentrate on the other person. Everyone can be charming. Charm is putting the other person at ease, making him or her feel comfortable and important.

Believe it or not, being a good listener will do more for you than being a good talker. Give people a chance to talk about themselves, and they'll think YOU'RE a great conversationalist. But, when asking questions as a means to get the other person talking, take care that your questions are tactful, discreet and not too personal.

Stay current on what's going on in the world and in the headlines. The more informed you are, the better company you will be. But don't be a know-it-all. People who come off like they're an authority on everything are about as welcome as a skunk at a garden party. That's not to say it pays to be ignorant; rather that the know-it-alls make those of us who are just average feel insecure and uncomfortable.

When talking to people, look them in the eye. And when you're being spoken to, focus your attention on the person who's addressing you. Nothing turns people off quicker than trying to carry on a conversation with someone whose eyes are constantly wandering -- to see who just came in or who else is in the room.

I offer many more tips on how to be socially successful in my booklet, which can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus a check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. And remember, a good conversationalist doesn't brag, and doesn't constantly put himself down. A good conversationalist is an upper. Find something positive to say. Be open and listen to other people's viewpoints. And don't have a stiff drink for "courage" because it loosens the tongue and can cause a social disaster.