DEAR ABBY: The most embarrassing thing happened to me at the chiropractor's office. I typically see him before going to the gym, and change into my gym clothes in the waiting area bathroom. It's easier for my doctor to treat me when I'm not in my office attire.

After completing my workout, I realized that my bra hadn't made it into my gym bag and must still be on the doctor's bathroom floor. I am embarrassed for two reasons: (1) He is single and handsome, and I don't want him to think I'm trying to send him a "signal" of some kind, and (2) it was my favorite bra!

How do I begin to address this? -- "DEBBIE" IN DALLAS

DEAR "DEBBIE": Your bra may be gone but I'm here to support you. Please stop feeling embarrassed. It's entirely possible that your chiropractor never saw the bra. Call the person who schedules your doctor's appointments, explain what happened, and ask if the item has been turned in. If it was, collect it when you go in for your next appointment or ask that it be sent to you.

DEAR ABBY: I reconnected with "Andy," a former high school classmate, and we started a relationship. Because of his actions last year the relationship ended. It started again several months ago. Currently it's on the right track.

Andy is a great guy who fulfills almost everything I am looking for. He accepts me for who I am and doesn't judge me. He's polite and cares about me.

My problem is, I'm not physically attracted to him. Abby, if he's "almost" everything I'm looking for, why am I not attracted to him? Am I blowing it with the one guy I'm supposed to be with, or is there someone else out there for me? -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: I wish you had mentioned what caused your breakup last year. If the reason you're not physically attracted to Andy is something he can change, you should talk to him about it. If it's nothing you can put your finger on, then talk with a counselor to see if the problem could be a fear of commitment on your part. But if it is neither, then face it -- you need to let him find someone who is attracted to him. To marry someone feeling as you do would be dishonest and cheat you both out of a full and happy union.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a guy, "Bill," who I believe is my soul mate. We have discussed our future and decided that after college we will have four kids. We love each other, and we're trying to wait until we're married to have sex. I talked to my parents about it, and Mom offered to put me on the pill.

I don't see any reason not to make love -- other than I always thought I'd wait until my honeymoon. Bill isn't pressuring me, either. I'm afraid that if we do it will complicate our relationship. I guess right now I'm looking for reasons not to because I don't have any. Is it wrong for me to want this? -- IN LOVE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR IN LOVE: I don't think so. You're an idealistic young woman who would like to give her husband a gift on her wedding night that can be given only once. It takes self-control, discipline and determination to accomplish that -- particularly with the emphasis on sex in popular culture. If you wait to have sex until you are married, you will never regret it. If you don't, you might. So hang in there until you're sure you're ready or you have said "I do."

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Kyle," and I decided to elope two weeks ago. His mother and mine had both said they'd be fine with an elopement. My sister and Kyle's brother were our witnesses -- other than that it was just us.

When we told Kyle's family, they were elated and congratulated us on the spot. When I called my mother, she didn't say much. A couple of days later, I called to make plans to visit her, and she began telling me how many people I had "hurt" by eloping. Mom and I have always had problems communicating and she has a long history of holding me to a higher standard than my siblings. (My sister also eloped, and there were no hard feelings then.)

I am frustrated with Mom and the other members of my family who have chosen to be hurt rather than happy for us. I wouldn't have eloped if I hadn't received the green light from Mom earlier. I have sent out a letter of apology, but I am annoyed that it takes the place of a real wedding announcement. Please help. -- BAFFLED ALBUQUERQUE BRIDE

DEAR BAFFLED BRIDE: I'm sorry you sent a letter of apology instead of a wedding announcement. You did not have to. If questioned about your elopement, all you had to say was you had the blessing of both your mothers before you did it.

Your mom may be upset that she was not among the "chosen few" to be present when you said "I do" -- and her criticism now may be a reflection of it. You have a husband who loves you and at least one sibling with whom you are close. Treasure that and stop depending on your mother's approval, and you will be better off emotionally than you are right now.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Dwight" for a while now, and things are becoming more serious. Dwight has expressed a desire to make a trip several states away so I can meet his parents. We have even gone so far as discussing how we would handle religion if we have children. I have mixed feelings about the trip. I am both elated and terrified.

Dwight's father is a minister in a small town. My parents were not religious at all and neither am I. Dwight understands that, and he is fine with it.

When I meet his parents, I'm sure they will inevitably ask why I don't share their beliefs. How do I answer them honestly without offending them? -- NON-BELIEVER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR NON-BELIEVER: I see nothing offensive about explaining to them -- as you did to me -- that your parents were not religious and they didn't raise you to be.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Keira," has been dating someone I dated for a short time. Although I was the one who ended the relationship, I still feel uncomfortable with her dating him. The guy means nothing to me and I have moved on to someone else, but it still bothers me.

I told Keira how I feel. She told me I need to be happy for her. It has been three weeks since we last spoke, and I just don't know what else to say. Should I end our friendship since she obviously doesn't care about my feelings? -- DISCONNECTED FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR DISCONNECTED: You say Keira is your "best" friend. What about her feelings? You rejected the guy, which means (to me) that in some way he didn't measure up to your standards. Why begrudge Keira her happiness? Answer that question and you'll know whether this is really worth ending the friendship over.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Emile" for eight years. We have been together for the last 15. Emile has always been demeaning and sarcastic to me. When he gets upset about something he blames me.

This has been going on for so long I don't know what to do anymore. I am so depressed and hurt that all I can think of is "going away" permanently. I don't think I'd ever harm myself, but I feel more desperate and hopeless every day. I'm down so low I don't know how to come back up. Please advise. -- NO TEARS LEFT IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR NO TEARS LEFT: Has no one told you that the effects of constant put-downs can be equally -- if not more -- debilitating than being physically abused? After 15 years of having your self-esteem chipped away, I'm pleased that you finally found the strength to ask for help.

If you have family, arrange to visit them -- a long visit. If you can afford to separate from your husband, pick up the phone and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline ((800) 799-7233) and ask for help to safely get away. I'm not exaggerating when I say your mental health depends on it.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a suburban neighborhood where the homes are very close together. My back yard is too small to have a clothesline. Because I love the smell of my bed sheets after they have dried outside, I hang them out to dry by pinning them to the chain link fence that surrounds the perimeter of my back yard.

My girlfriends say they would be offended if they were my neighbors. I say it's environmentally friendly, and because I'm hanging out only linens and not underwear, nobody should be offended. Who is correct? -- IN THE BREEZE IN OTTAWA, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR IN THE BREEZE: Many neighborhoods have codes, covenants and restrictions that dictate what can and cannot be done within their boundaries. Review the documents to ensure you are not breaking any rules. If you're not, you have had no complaints from the neighbors, and your laundry isn't becoming soiled from flapping against the chain link fence or freezing solid in January -- it's all right with me.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, we got a new neighbor. When I was out walking my dog one day, my neighbor was doing the same. At first I thought this person was female, but as we got to talking I began to doubt myself.

First off, my neighbor is petite, has a boyish haircut, no breasts, dresses like a guy and speaks in a voice that could be male or female. I stood there and decided I'd ask for a name, thinking it would solve my problem. Wrong! The person's name is "Chris."

Abby, I don't know what to do. I feel bad for not knowing this person's gender. Is there any way I can find an answer without Chris knowing? I don't want to refer to this person as a "he" if she's a "she," and vice versa. -- GIRL NEXT DOOR, MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR GIRL NEXT DOOR: Refer to your neighbor as Chris. Asking other neighbors what they have learned about Chris could create more conversation -- and problems -- than it would solve. My advice is to continue being kind and neighborly to Chris. The more you get to know this person, the more likely the answers you're seeking will present themselves.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the beginning of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. During this 24-hour period, observant Jewish people fast, engage in reflection and prayer, and formally repent for any sin that might have been committed during the previous Hebrew year. To all of you -- may your fast be an easy one.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)