DEAR ABBY: "Just Wondering in the Bay Area" (July 26) asked about proper protocol regarding dating after a spouse's death. A recently widowed man was dating a widow from his wife's circle of friends. The women were appalled and now shun the couple.

Many men and women who lose a spouse have finished grieving by the time their loved one dies, especially those who suffered through a long illness like cancer. Everyone grieves differently, some in private and some by sharing time with others. It is only natural that two people who have both lost a spouse would find comfort in each other's company; each knows the other understands what they've been through. Those who shared friendship before the deaths of their spouses have even more in common -- enjoying the fond memories without feeling threatened.

True friends would be delighted in knowing that friends who suffered such catastrophic losses had found comfort and happiness with each other. If this is the kind of friendship these women have to offer, I'd say John and Peggy are better off without them. -- SUSAN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SUSAN: Thank you for sharing your thoughtful viewpoint. Most of the responses I received suggested that these women should have put themselves in their friends' shoes before shunning them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband's first wife died about a month after my first husband, and after each of us had been married for more than 40 years. As members of the same church, we shared our experiences and began dating about two months after his wife's death. We didn't stop grieving; we grieved together. We were married 11 months later. No one realizes how devastating the loss of a spouse is until they have experienced it. -- MARION IN MCHENRY, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: My parents had been married more than 55 years when my father died this past May. Less than a month later, my mother was invited to lunch by a widower from her church. They are now an "item," and I couldn't be happier. My father was an emotionally and verbally abusive man who refused to change or get help for his obvious issues. My sibs and I are thrilled that Mom, at the age of 75, has finally found someone who will love and respect her and make her happy. -- HAPPY FOR MOM IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather remarried at the age of 94, three months after his wife died. The woman he married was a former neighbor. The relatives were in shock, but Grandpa was ecstatic! At his age, a month is valuable time, and he had the good fortune to "start again." I would consider it a compliment if my husband were to marry a mutual friend. After watching my grandfather celebrate life anew, I realized that his second marriage was a testament to his love for my grandmother. -- GRATEFUL IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: There is a saying in grief recovery which is appropriate: Women cry, men replace. In my experience, the happier the marriage, the more quickly men remarry. John and Peggy need support and understanding from their friends. They do not deserve to be shunned. -- BEEN THERE IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I believe that after one's mate has passed, the "contract" is null and void. It's how you lived your marriage that is significant. The speed at which you find someone to bring some joy into your life does not diminish the love of your late spouse. Life is too short for sackcloth and ashes. -- BARBARA IN PITTSFIELD, MASS.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Brooke" knows everyone in town. It creates a huge distraction when we dine in a restaurant because she is constantly looking around to see who else she knows. When she spots someone, she leaves me sitting at the table to go and say hello to the person.

If this happened once, it would be acceptable. But it occurs continually throughout the meal and interrupts our conversation. The fact that Brooke is constantly scouting the room for others to greet makes meaningful conversation impossible because her mind is never fully present.

I have reached the point of no longer wanting to dine with her although she is a good friend. How would you recommend resolving this? -- ALONE AT THE TABLE, LAS CRUCES, N.M.

DEAR ALONE AT THE TABLE: Have a frank talk with Brooke, and explain how her rudeness has made you feel. If her behavior continues, then socialize with her in places where there are no distractions -- like her home or yours.

She may be insecure and feel a compulsion to ingratiate herself with others, but constantly leaving you alone at the table shows lack of consideration for your feelings. Also, I find it curious that all those people she knows do not come by your table to greet her -- and possibly be introduced, don't you?

DEAR ABBY: I work with a nice woman in a service-oriented job. She wears a full set of dentures -- top and bottom. When she's nervous, she has a habit of "clicking" and adjusting them. It gets worse when she's had an energy drink.

Personally, I can ignore it. But I have heard comments from customers and co-workers who wonder if she's "on something" -- like speed.

Should I tell her what people are saying or suggest she use a product to help keep the dentures in place? I would hate for her reputation to be ruined because of this nervous habit. -- CARING CO-WORKER IN IOWA

DEAR CARING CO-WORKER: Take the woman aside and tell her privately that the clicking is distracting to customers and co-workers. She may not be aware that she is doing anything. Suggest that she discuss this with her dentist because her dentures may need adjusting -- or, as you mentioned, her dentist can recommend a product to stabilize them. She may be more receptive if she hears it from a dental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: I purchased some things at an estate sale. Later, while looking in a piece of luggage, I found a gold watch (with an appraisal of $7,000 that was in the same box) and a string of pearls.

What is the proper thing to do in a situation like this? The estate people are long gone, but there was a name on the appraisal. I tried doing a search on the Internet, but can't locate the person. Will I have bad karma if I keep these items? This person must have family somewhere. -- FINDERS KEEPERS?

DEAR FINDERS KEEPERS?: If you have exhausted all avenues at your disposal to find the heirs, keep the items with a clear conscience.

DEAR ABBY: I work six days a week at a minimum-wage job. My boss is constantly finding reasons to hug or touch me. Last week he even tried to kiss me. I left work that night feeling violated and upset.

It's really hard to find jobs right now. I can't afford to quit or get fired. What do I do to get this man to leave me alone and still keep my job? Please help! -- GROSSED OUT IN TEXAS

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Tell the man you don't like what he's doing and to stop it. If he doesn't, be sure that every incident is documented, including date and time. If the company has a sexual harassment policy, you should follow it or go to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or equivalent state agency office nearest you and file a claim. Your job will be protected during the investigation that will follow.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I recently spent time with my parents at their home in another state. After we returned, my 10-year-old son and his 14-year-old sister told me they don't like going to visit them. My mom loves us, but she is a negative and depressed person. She doesn't love Dad and doesn't bother to disguise that fact.

I mentioned this to a friend and she said I should tell my mother what my son said. She thinks it could make Mom "see the light" and change for the better. Considering my mother's depressed state, should I tell her? -- UNDECIDED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNDECIDED: Perhaps. But if you do, be diplomatic. You might begin by telling her you could see how "down" she was when you all came to visit, and that she could get so much more out of life if she sought professional help for her depression -- specifically some sessions with a licensed counselor. You could also mention that, while your father may not be her favorite person -- it would be better if it was not so obvious to the grandchildren, because they sensed the tension and mentioned it when they returned home.

If you broach the subject lovingly, she might listen and take steps to help herself. One thing is certain -- if you say nothing, nothing will change.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a social worker in two skilled nursing homes for the past six years. I often hear visitors approach patients with dementia and say, "Do you know who I am?" or "Do you know who this is?" It's like giving the person with dementia a test, one which the person will often fail. It would be more effective to approach the person and say, "It is so nice to see you. I am (whomever) and knew you (in whatever circumstances)."

Persons with dementia do not need to be reminded that they don't recall something. Most of them know it. Even relatives -- brothers, sisters, sons and daughters -- may need to introduce themselves to their loved ones. Rather than giving the person with dementia a test when you visit, set up the visit to succeed by making simple introductions.

Remember, people who have dementia can remember things that happened a long time ago, but they may not recall what happened in the last five minutes. Visitors should talk about the "good old days" and everyone will experience a good visit. -- P.B. IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR P.B.: Because increasing numbers of individuals are being diagnosed with dementia, I hope your suggestion will be taken to heart by my readers. In cases like this, the visitor should expect to be the one who guides the conversation. It's important to keep visits positive, loving and stress-free.