DEAR ABBY: "Pam" and I have been friends since childhood, when we attended preschool together. Our backgrounds are similar and we share the same religious views.

About two months ago, Pam suddenly stopped speaking to me. I have wracked my brain and honestly have no idea why. I have called, e-mailed and sent her letters to which she tersely replied, "Leave me alone."

I'm sick over it and don't know what to do. My kids love Pam and I adore her children and family. I cannot for the life of me imagine what would cause her to discard our friendship with no explanation.

I heard through the neighborhood grapevine that people suspect there must have been some kind of infidelity involved -- such as Pam's husband hitting on me or mine on her. According to one neighbor, "It's the only plausible reason" a friendship like ours would end so abruptly. I am beside myself. What should I do? -- HAVEN'T A CLUE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HAVEN'T A CLUE: I wish you had written me before soliciting advice from your neighbors because now you've got them talking. There may be something going on in your friend's life having nothing to do with you that she's not comfortable talking about right now -- which could also account for her silence. Try not to internalize what has happened and allow her the space she's asking for. The truth will come out eventually. It always does ...

DEAR ABBY: I am a disabled man and I live with my 75-year-old mother. Most of the time we get along OK, but Mom is a "clutter bug." I have never known her to throw anything away.

There are newspapers and magazines stacked everywhere in our home dating back at least 10 years. Mom doesn't want to invite anyone into the house. She says it's "a mess," but she won't take advantage of any professional cleaning or organizing services. We haven't entertained in 30 years!

Could this be a sign of Alzheimer's? What can I do about her? Please help. -- BURIED ALIVE IN AKRON

DEAR BURIED ALIVE: If your mother has been this way for 30 years, it's not Alzheimer's -- she's a compulsive hoarder. She may need psychological help and/or medication to overcome her anxiety about letting anything go. If you have a social worker who helps with your disability, talk to that person about finding help for your mother. If you don't, talk to her physician. The situation as you describe it indicates the house could be a safety hazard -- possibly a fire trap. Please do not procrastinate any longer because your lives could depend upon it.

DEAR ABBY: Is it odd to eat with one hand in one's lap? I didn't realize that I did it until my fiance's parents mentioned it to me at a dinner. When we subsequently ate with my family, I realized that every person in my family eats the same way.

My future in-laws say they have never heard of such a thing. My grandmother says it is good table manners, and I have no intention of changing. (My fiance and I are both third-generation Americans.)

What do we teach our (future) kids? -- PROPERLY TAUGHT IN ARIZONA

DEAR PROPERLY TAUGHT: Teach them the proper table manners that you were taught as a child. According to Emily Post, by the time a child is 12, he or she should have learned to "sit with good posture and feet firmly on the floor throughout the meal. (And) keep free hand in lap when not cutting food or passing items." (The italics are mine.)

DEAR ABBY: "Cautious Bachelorette" (July 16) asked you how she should respond to a workman who asks if she lives alone. Having worked 30 years in a maximum security prison, I can assure your readers that criminals gravitate toward jobs that provide access to people's homes as a way of scouting victims, so "Bachelorette's" concern is well-founded.

I advise single women to keep a few articles of men's clothing, such as a jacket, work boots and other items, visible in their homes. They can be purchased inexpensively at a yard sale or local thrift shop. When a stranger is invited into her home, she can simply pick up one of the articles stating, "Here, let me get John's coat out of your way." It does provide a very real deterrent to criminals or others looking for a single woman to victimize. -- RONALD A., WASHINGTON STATE DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS (RETIRED)

DEAR RONALD: My readers agreed that setting the stage (with an invisible housemate) is an effective way to give the impression to outsiders that you do not live alone. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Take a suggestion from a senior citizen who has lived alone for many years -- and it applies not only to females, but also to males of any age. Singles should purchase articles of the opposite sex and display them prominently in their homes so they can be seen by any stranger who comes into their homes. That way, the question, "Do you live alone?" doesn't come up. -- SAFE SENIOR CITIZEN IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I would recommend "Cautious Bachelorette" purchase a male beta fish. They take very little time and energy to care for. Name him Fred, or some other masculine name. That way, when she's asked if she lives alone, she can honestly say, "No. Fred lives with me." If people inquire deeper, she can say that they have a close one-on-one relationship, and he is very dependable. She could even add that he is a professional swimmer without fibbing. That way she will be able to have a truthful reply for any who ask. -- FRED'S HOUSEMATE

DEAR ABBY: I live alone and I keep a men's magazine on my coffee table, a second set of towels in my bathroom and even went to the thrift store and bought a bathrobe that hangs on a hook behind the bathroom door. Also, my table is always set for two, and I always speak in terms of "we" whenever I have a stranger in my home. -- SINGLE BUT CAUTIOUS IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Here's how I give the illusion of not living alone. I have two deck chairs set out and often leave things outside like a shovel, my brother's flip-flops, or I toss a baseball cap onto the porch swing. -- LONGTIME READER IN EL CERRITO, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married 24 years, but the last several years were extremely difficult. We have separated, but have not filed the paperwork yet. I would like to begin moving forward with my life. It has been six months and there will be no reconciliation.

Recently, someone who knows my circumstances asked me out on a date. Would it be inappropriate for me to go, or to date in general? -- DATING DILEMMA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR DATING DILEMMA: If you are truly ready to move forward with your life, file the paperwork first. Even divorces that start amicably can become messy to some degree. Filing the paperwork first will make it less so.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It's time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. May God make yours a blessed feast.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 46-year-old man who has been divorced for six months. I recently moved down to South Florida for a new job. I am trying out the dating scene, but it has been difficult because I was married for 10 years.

Abby, it's hard to find decent, intelligent women down here. All the women I have dated so far have had breast implants. These not only look strange, but also feel uncomfortable during intimate moments. These women get a lot of looks from other men who gawk at their chests when we're together.

Would it be wrong of me to ask a woman, say within the first few dates, if her breasts are real? I don't care if they're big or small, I just want them real. -- NEEDS A REAL WOMAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDS A REAL WOMAN: I do not recommend asking women you have just met if their breasts are "real." It could lead to a punch in the nose. I am recommending you visit some dating sites and, in the area where you are asked to list "interests," you state "intelligent women who have not had plastic surgery." I'm sure you'll find many. Of course, whether you have what they're looking for remains to be seen.

P.S. One final thought: If a boob job (forgive the vernacular) has been successful, it is difficult if not impossible to detect. I have this on good authority.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two months and together for two years. While we were dating, I learned that "Mario" cheated on me during our first year of dating. When I confronted him, he told me he didn't know why, but that he loved me with all his heart. A few months later, he asked me to marry him and I accepted.

A few days ago I discovered that not only did he cheat on me with several women, but also with several men. Mario says he didn't know how to tell me about his past because it was "disgusting" to him so he blocked it out of his mind.

Had he told me all this before we married, I would not have gone through with it. I am now totally confused about his sexuality. Mario says it was "just a phase" -- it was in the past. He says he's a changed man and he wants to be with me. I don't know what to believe anymore because all he does is lie to me. Please help me. -- BROKENHEARTED AND CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The first thing you need to do is get checked for STDs and HIV, because you may have been exposed to some of them during the "phase" your husband "blocked out of his mind." Whether Mario admits it or not, he is bisexual. Next, go online to � HYPERLINK "http://www.StraightSpouse.org" ��www.StraightSpouse.org� and you will find the help and support you are looking for.

Because you can't trust your husband to be honest, you will have to take care of yourself now. Please don't put it off because your emotional and physical health could depend upon it. On the plus side, be thankful there are not children involved. A man who always lies isn't just a poor husband; he would make an even worse role model.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, starts, the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. "Leshana tova tikatevu" -- may each of you be inscribed in the Book of Life and have a good year.