DEAR ABBY: I met "Guy" seven years ago and fell deeply in love. We dated for a couple of months, but one day with no warning he broke up with me on my voicemail.

Three weeks after the breakup, Guy came to my home. It was the week of his wedding, which he never bothered to mention. I later heard he had been married from a mutual friend. I knew Guy had been seeing someone, but he never indicated that it was serious.

We have been having an affair ever since our breakup. Because I love him, I can't say no to him. He'll go through periods where he says he's getting divorced. He even told my mom that. Then he calls and says they're going to work it out. I never pushed. I want him to be happy -- even if it's not with me -- and I want no part in causing a divorce. Every time I start to get over Guy, he comes around again. It's like he has radar.

The last time we slept together, a month ago, he told me he thought he had married the wrong woman. The next day, he admitted he has too much at stake to make a change. I am in so much pain. I don't want to be his mistress. If I tell his wife, Guy will never speak to me again. Should I tell her? -- RUNNER-UP IN CHEYENNE

DEAR RUNNER-UP: Whether you're willing to admit it to yourself or not, by continuing the affair with Guy you have been trying to sabotage his marriage. Your first clue that Guy wasn't much of a man should have been when he used voicemail to "break up" seven years ago. He has now made it plain that he isn't going to leave his wife.

Haven't you recognized by now that he is concerned only with his own gratification and doesn't care who is hurt by his actions? This Guy will waste as much of your time as you are willing to give. For your own sake, call a halt and get your head straight. You won't stop hurting until you draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I decided to pursue a career as a foreign diplomat. My wife and I weighed the pros and cons and concluded that the opportunity was worth the separation from family and friends. I'm proud that I'll be able to provide the kind of life for my family that we have always wanted, and I'm set to begin training soon.

We have begun spreading the news, and most of our relatives and friends share our excitement. My wife's sister, "Lucinda," however, is furious. Her objections started with snide little "jabs" but have grown into a full-blown assault. She is accusing me of ruining her life and threatening to cut off all contact unless we reconsider. My wife is distraught from the badgering and I'm afraid their relationship is on the verge of collapse.

Should I bow to Lucinda's threats or follow our dream and risk being disowned by a member of the family? I'm afraid I have inadvertently ruined my wife's relationship with her sister. -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Unless you want the remainder of your marriage and your career to be dictated by your wife's sister, do not back down. Lucinda appears to be an insecure, and possibly troubled, woman who is trying to control you and your wife through emotional blackmail. You have a bright -- not to mention fascinating -- future ahead of you. So follow your chosen path and do not allow your sister-in-law to continue to interfere. To fold now would only be the beginning of your problems.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old woman who has a 25-year-old friend I love like a little sister. Because of that connection, I felt compelled to ask her to be a bridesmaid in my upcoming wedding.

After she agreed, I overheard her mention that she would be getting a large tattoo on her arm. Because she knows how I feel about visible tattoos, I asked her if she'd wait six months until after the wedding. She and the matron of honor are scheduled to wear strapless, knee-length gowns.

She proceeded with the tattoo and now has half an arm of full-color design. I don't want her to ruin my wedding or the photographs. I would feel guilty if I had to force a jacket or sweater on her or my matron of honor, especially if the day is unseasonably hot. What should I do? -- NO INK IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR NO INK: If your "little sister" cared as much about your feelings as you seem to about hers, she would have postponed getting the tattoo as you requested. Too bad she didn't.

However, weddings are more than the procession and the picture album. They are about loving friends and family and the joining of two people who intend to build a life together. If you're worried about the pictures, pose "Sis" so her "canvas" can't be seen by the camera.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, my husband, "John," had an affair that resulted in the birth of a child. Although it was difficult, John and I stayed together and our marriage is better than ever.

My husband supports "Talia" financially and sees her whenever he can. The adults have all managed to create a cordial, working relationship for Talia's sake.

Talia spends a few weeks with us during school breaks. When I go out with her and run into acquaintances, they'll ask, "Who's this?" I will give her name, but sometimes they press for more. Many of our friends know we've been married for a long time with only one child together. (Our daughter is in college.)

My question is -- is Talia my stepdaughter? Is there a simple way of answering these questions without making anyone uncomfortable, especially Talia? -- PART-TIME MOMMY

DEAR PART-TIME MOMMY: Yes. Talia is your stepdaughter, and you can introduce her that way or refer to her as John's daughter. Either would be correct.

DEAR ABBY: What is the polite way to correct a child who is being rude in your home while her mother, who is present, does absolutely nothing? -- DISCIPLINARIAN IN TRACY, CALIF.

DEAR DISCIPLINARIAN: Here's how I'd handle it. I would get down to the child's eye level and say: "Honey, I have certain rules in my house. When you're here, I expect you to ( ). Do you understand?"

You cannot expect a child who may not have been taught basic manners by his (or her) mother to know what you expect unless you spell it out sweetly and firmly. And if the bad behavior persists, I would socialize with the child's mother only one-on-one.

DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I had to pick up my sister "Karyn" after a night out. When she called she told me I was going to "hate" her and not to judge her. The man she was with had been arrested for DUI. Abby, he is the same person who killed another one of my sisters in a drunk-driving accident years ago! Not only has Karyn been hanging out with him, it has been going on for months and she says it's serious.

I am appalled with my sister's choice. I told Karyn she could choose him or me. I guess she chose him because we haven't spoken since. I thought we were very close before, but now that I know what she has been doing, I no longer want anything to do with her.

Am I overreacting, or should she be more concerned with how her decisions affect the rest of the family? -- DISAPPOINTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I don't think you're overreacting, and I don't blame you for being appalled. Your sister has involved herself with a serious alcoholic who, if he could control his addiction, would have dried out after he killed someone. At least for the time being, keep your distance. While there's no accounting for the affairs of the heart, I have a strong hunch Karyn is going to need all the support you and the family can give her as this romance follows its predictable path.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful, loving, hard-working husband with one flaw. He is 24 years old and has literally spent 19 years of his life eating nothing but dairy, bread and pasta. We have been married more than two years, and he has only recently begun eating meat.

When I try to encourage him to try fruits or vegetables, he refuses and makes excuses. He'll even claim he is full and stop eating to avoid trying new things. I have managed cooking separately so far, but now we have an 18-month-old and I very worried that she will start imitating her father's poor eating habits. What can I do? I'm afraid for his health and for my daughter's future health. -- TERRIBLY TIRED OF CHEESE IN IOWA

DEAR TIRED OF CHEESE: Visit your nearest bookstore and look for a cookbook for parents of children who are finicky eaters like your husband. One was written in the last few years by Jessica Seinfeld (Jerry's wife), which details how to "sneak" healthy ingredients into broths and spaghetti sauces so they get their vitamins. That way you can feed your child and your spouse meals they will accept while providing proper nourishment -- and they'll be none the wiser.

DEAR ABBY: May I share with you and your readers some information that was provided to me by a fireman? It concerns senior citizens.

If seniors don't have an emergency alert device, they should take their car keys to bed with them and place them on their nightstand. The little red "panic" button can be used to start the horn of their car in an emergency. The neighbors will hear the horn and help them. -- RICK IN SCOTTSDALE

DEAR RICK: That's not a bad suggestion -- but first, forewarn the neighbors that if your car alarm goes off, it may indicate that you're in trouble. In my city, car alarms go off so frequently that people often assume it's a malfunction and ignore it.