DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Kate" for a year. She's caring and down-to-earth. We have so much in common, and time goes by quickly when we're together.
That's why, when a new job brought Kate closer to my place, I told her she could stay with me, so her commute would be less stressful while she gets used to the job and learns her way around. I enjoy making us dinner, since I get home two hours before she does.
After being single and living alone for six years, I want a relationship. Maybe in the future I'll want her to move in with me. We spend weeknights together and go out as a couple every weekend. But I also like "my time" and "my night out."
I am a part-time publicist for an entertainer and try to keep up with the local music and club scene. Two nights out alone during the month work for me. I share the details with Kate -- including the crazy things I see "singles" do when I'm out. I have explained to her how spending these nights on my own makes me appreciate her more when I return. But I feel a distinct "chill" from her when my night arrives.
I have no problem with Kate doing a "girls' night out" on those evenings. Am I wrong to want alone time? Am I not committed enough to this relationship? -- REASONABLE GUY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
DEAR REASONABLE: It's not wrong to want some time independent of Kate, particularly since it relates to your business. Her cool reaction may be related to her insecurities with your relationship, as well as the "crazy things" you're describing when you get home.
It may have been a mistake to invite Kate to stay with you without a deadline after which you expect her to find her own place. Under the circumstances, she may think your relationship has progressed further than it really has.