DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Kate" for a year. She's caring and down-to-earth. We have so much in common, and time goes by quickly when we're together.

That's why, when a new job brought Kate closer to my place, I told her she could stay with me, so her commute would be less stressful while she gets used to the job and learns her way around. I enjoy making us dinner, since I get home two hours before she does.

After being single and living alone for six years, I want a relationship. Maybe in the future I'll want her to move in with me. We spend weeknights together and go out as a couple every weekend. But I also like "my time" and "my night out."

I am a part-time publicist for an entertainer and try to keep up with the local music and club scene. Two nights out alone during the month work for me. I share the details with Kate -- including the crazy things I see "singles" do when I'm out. I have explained to her how spending these nights on my own makes me appreciate her more when I return. But I feel a distinct "chill" from her when my night arrives.

I have no problem with Kate doing a "girls' night out" on those evenings. Am I wrong to want alone time? Am I not committed enough to this relationship? -- REASONABLE GUY IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REASONABLE: It's not wrong to want some time independent of Kate, particularly since it relates to your business. Her cool reaction may be related to her insecurities with your relationship, as well as the "crazy things" you're describing when you get home.

It may have been a mistake to invite Kate to stay with you without a deadline after which you expect her to find her own place. Under the circumstances, she may think your relationship has progressed further than it really has.

DEAR ABBY: I cannot think of anyone else to turn to. I attend church, but don't know a priest well enough to confide in him.

I have been married 45 years. My wife and I have a very good sex life. My problem is, over the past year my curiosity has increased about what it would be like to be with another man. I don't have anyone in mind. I try not to think about it, but the idea excites me.

I enjoy looking at attractive women, but often find myself wanting to give the other a try. Please help me find an answer before I try something stupid. Abby, I hope you can offer me some advice in your column. -- ANONYMOUS IN DAYTONA BEACH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Everyone has sexual fantasies, and although yours have recently been homosexual fantasies, it does not necessarily mean that you would enjoy an encounter with another man. Because you say you have a "very good sex life" with your wife, you may have some bisexual leanings. However, 45 years ago you promised at the altar to be faithful to your wife. So I'll offer the same advice I would have given to Adam if he had written me back then: Don't take a bite of that apple because it could get you evicted from Eden.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say to people when you have a child in jail and they don't know? Should you lie and say everything is fine? -- EAST COAST MOM

DEAR MOM: It depends upon how well you know the people and how much personal information you're comfortable revealing about your family. But I don't think you should lie because that kind of news has a way of traveling.

DEAR ABBY: My adult daughter, "Suzie," spent the weekend at our home, bringing along her boyfriend of six months. This was "Liam's" first visit.

I allowed them to share Suzie's old bedroom, which we have converted into a family office. We keep a large futon in there for my daughter when she comes to visit. I didn't make a big deal out of where Liam and Suzie should sleep because I didn't want to embarrass them, and I was sure there would be no "hanky-panky" because our bedroom is right across the hall.

Well, I was wrong. In the middle of the night I was awakened by Suzie's squeals and moans. Fortunately, my husband is a sound sleeper. The next morning, while my husband was out on his daily run, I let the kids have it -- to the point of slapping Liam around a little. I told Suzie her actions were disrespectful and I was highly disappointed in her.

Suzie and I are no longer speaking and I am miserable. Do you think I overreacted? Did I silently give permission for such behavior by allowing them to share the same futon? And did Liam really think it would be OK to have sex in my home? -- MISERABLE MOM IN WISCONSIN

DEAR MISERABLE MOM: I will respond to your questions in reverse order. The answers are yes, yes and yes. And all of you owe each other an apology.

DEAR ABBY: "Dave" is 49, well-educated, gainfully employed and still lives with his parents. He has never been married and has no children. His dating history is "sketchy" -- he claims never to have had a serious relationship with a woman. When I asked him why he has never lived on his own, he told me he feels comfortable living with his parents.

Dave and I have enjoyed a strictly platonic relationship for nearly a year. He recently told me he's in love with me and wants us to be exclusive, with marriage as the ultimate outcome. I have been divorced for 20 years. My children are independent, thriving adults. Marrying again is not a priority in my life.

Dave is kind, sensitive and thoughtful. I care for him deeply, yet I am skeptical about becoming seriously involved with a man who seems to be "hiding" something. Am I being overly critical, or is there something wrong with this picture? -- JADED IN JERSEY

DEAR JADED: The situation you have described is unusual, but it doesn't necessarily indicate that Dave is "hiding" anything. He could be a simple man who enjoys the living arrangement he has with his folks -- and the lowest sex drive in New Jersey. Before making any hard and fast decisions, you and Dave need to have some frank, serious and ongoing conversations. You also need to determine how his parents will feel about "losing" their son after 49 years of togetherness.

DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters who seem to be incapable of functioning as adults. None of them is employed or in school. My oldest is a single parent of two kids she doesn't want.

I love my grandkids and I know I should take them, but I raised my daughters and feel I'm too old to be Dad to toddlers again. Am I being selfish? -- DAD OF THREE DAUGHTERS IN NEBRASKA

DEAR DAD: No, you are being realistic.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from "Can't Believe My Eyes" (June 20), who is bothered by the amount of cleavage women display everywhere. I have heard many negative comments in the workplace regarding women's tasteless attire. But most of the remarks I hear come from other women in stores while we try to shop for clothes. They are shocked at how little there is to buy that is "decent" to wear. They, as well as I, are tired of having to buy tank tops to wear under shirts or dresses that are cut too low or are too short.

I have three daughters who dress for professional jobs. They, too, express similar frustration at finding clothing that is appropriate to wear. I am sure some women like plunging, skin-tight clothing, but from what I hear the majority do not. Store clerks get complaints and have passed them on to the buyers. But the buyers say there is not much else available. -- FRUSTRATED SHOPPER IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I empathize with your frustration. The feedback from readers on this subject has been abundant, and many agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As the mother of a well-endowed 13-year-old daughter, I agree with "Can't Believe My Eyes." I hate shopping for clothes with my daughter. It's not because she is difficult, but because the styles are so revealing. My daughter wants to dress trendy while I want her to stay covered up.

I have the same problem when I shop for myself. We use tank tops and hidden safety pins to keep "the girls" under wraps. The problem is not lack of modesty of the wearer, but the clothing designers and manufacturers. I can't wait until the styles change, but for now we are doing our best to cover up. -- OKLAHOMA READER

DEAR ABBY: Hooray for "Can't Believe's" comments on cleavage at businesses and schools, but I'm more disturbed by the number of women -- young and not so young -- who show way too much in church. I'm a guy who appreciates God's handiwork, but please, ladies, don't showcase it in the pews. -- DISTRACTED IN ROME, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: In your answer you stated there was also a lot showing "south of the border." In Mexico? What about Louisiana? I'd like to go there! -- BRUCE IN HAWAII

DEAR BRUCE: Oh, come on! I didn't mean that kind of geography.

DEAR ABBY: Why do people feel the need to dictate the standards of appearance for everyone else? If it doesn't harm you, it's none of your business. If you don't like the employees where you shop, go somewhere else.

I'm a 54-year-old guy who looks and dresses conservatively. My dentist has spiky hair with purple streaks and looks young enough to be in high school. My mechanic has a hole in his earlobe you could shove a quarter through. My electrician has tattoos on his face. But they all do great work, and I wouldn't trade 'em. Why force everyone into one narrow description of what's "acceptable"? I'm for ability over appearance. -- OPEN-MINDED IN PHOENIX

DEAR ABBY: I've been in banking for 30 years and have seen many changes, especially after casual dress days started. Many younger women in the office didn't understand what that meant. Memos went out, but nothing changed until a female division manager was brought in to address the problem. I'll never forget what she said: "Look at yourself in the mirror before you leave for work and ask yourself if you look like you're going to 'get lucky.' If the answer is yes, then you need to change your clothes." Abby, we never had a dress code problem again. -- RHONDA IN THE SOUTHWEST

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)