life

Girl Is Held Hostage When Stepsister Comes to Stay

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When my stepsister, "Skye," stays here every other weekend, I not only have to share my room with her, but I'm also expected to spend all my time with her. We're both 15. I have nothing against her, but she's not someone I would choose as a friend.

It's a small room for two people. It means I can't have friends over every other weekend, and I'm also not allowed to spend the night at a friend's or do anything with them without taking her along. She's usually not invited, so I'm stuck staying home with her.

Abby, Skye is supposed to be here visiting her father (my stepfather), but he's usually out playing golf or fishing, and I have to be home with her and feel like I'm her baby sitter. Please tell me what you think. -- FED UP IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR FED UP: I'm glad you asked. This is something you should discuss with your mother. But please consider that as uncomfortable as this is for you, imagine how your stepsister must feel. Skye is stuck every other weekend in a small room with someone who resents her because she'd rather entertain her friends. Add to that the fact that Skye has a father who shows no interest in spending special time with her, and would rather be with his buddies or alone amusing himself with his hobbies.

Frankly, I feel sorry for both you and your stepsister. You're being treated like her unpaid baby sitter, and she's no baby. And she is being treated like a burden to everyone.

life

Dear Abby for August 07, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently received a wedding invitation from my cousin, who is marrying a woman with two children from a previous marriage. Photos of all of them were included in the invitation.

In addition to the typical registry items (housewares, kitchen gadgets, etc.), I was surprised to see a number of items for the children, including bedding, games, toys and clothing. Is this typical for couples with children who marry, or is this an abuse of the registry? -- PERPLEXED IN UTAH

DEAR PERPLEXED: An abuse of the registry? When a couple is being married, they register for items they think they will need as they start life together. Loving friends and family try to give them what they request, to the extent they are financially able to do so. Your cousin and his bride-to-be may prefer new items for the children to yet another coffee pot, toaster or piece of china. If that offends you, give them something else. The registry is a guideline; it's not cast in stone.

life

Dear Abby for August 07, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Once a week I meet with three friends at a coffee shop/restaurant. We sit for at least an hour chatting and catching up about our families. I'm the only one in the group who orders anything, and it's usually just a beverage. It makes me uncomfortable that no one else orders and we take up the table for an hour. This has gone on for a while, and I have not found a way to say anything. Can you help? -- FRIEND IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR FRIEND: If the owner or manager of the place objected to the fact that you are taking up the table, something would have been said by now, or a notice would have been printed stating that customers must place a minimum order per person. However, because you feel awkward being the only person having something, tell your friends how you feel and that you'd feel more comfortable if they ordered something, too.

life

Woman Feels No Barriers With Pen Pal Behind Bars

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been writing to an inmate from the Florida prison system for about two years. It has slowly developed into more than a friendship. "Mike" is a born-again Christian, as am I. He doesn't get out until 2013 at the earliest, so we have plenty of time to see where this goes.

Am I wrong for considering someone who is in prison? Mike has made mistakes, nothing violent, and has turned his life around. If he does become part of my life, how do I introduce him to my family so they may better accept him?

Abby, I'm 54. I lost my husband seven years ago. It is nice to have someone in my life again. We have talked on the phone, and it feels like we have known each other our whole lives. Am I crazy? -- SMITTEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR SMITTEN: Crazy? No. Gullible? Possibly. Please forgive me if I seem cynical, but more than one devout, vulnerable, lonely woman has been taken advantage of by an inmate with whom she corresponded. That's why, before allowing yourself to become more emotionally involved, you should contact the warden of the prison and verify that what "Mike" has been telling you is the gospel truth. If it is -- fine. If it's not, for your own sake, end the correspondence immediately.

P.S. As to how to introduce him to your family, if it comes to that, be completely honest and tell them he's your pen pal. If you're not, they'll find out eventually anyway.

life

Dear Abby for August 06, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a vegan who is constantly pestered by uninvited comments like, "You're not getting the proper nutrition," or "That looks disgusting," or "You should just give it up." I wouldn't dream of making such rude comments to others about their diet. What one eats is his or her own business.

My husband -- an omnivore -- and I have decided to raise our child vegan. He can choose whatever diet he prefers when he is older and educated about them. We work with a pediatric nutritionist to ensure that our son gets all the nutrients he needs. We make him pureed fresh vegetables, fruits, grains and more for almost every meal.

We are now getting comments from family and friends who feel we're practically abusing our son. I believe people make these comments because they are ignorant about this lifestyle. I have asked them to stop, but they continue. What can I do to stop the unwarranted harassment? -- SICK OF THE COMMENTS IN BALTIMORE

DEAR SICK: Is your child's pediatrician aware of the diet you have him on? Is your pediatric nutritionist a member of the American Dietetic Association? Have you told the individuals making these comments that you are working with a professional to be sure your little one is getting everything he needs? If the answer to my questions is yes and the questioners persist, refer them to your nutritionist for reassurance.

life

Dear Abby for August 06, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: How do you mend a broken heart? -- TEARS ON MY PILLOW

DEAR TEARS: By staying busy. By avoiding the "old reminders," which tend to make you moody and broody. By putting away or getting rid of the photographs, cards and gifts that make you sad -- unless you enjoy punishing yourself. And by staying in the present.

life

Mom's Kitchen Floor Remedy Is Embarrassing to Daughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2010 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: When I went to visit my mother, I found her lying on the kitchen floor. I asked her what she was doing there, and she said the floor feels cold and hard and soothes her back.

Abby, my mother has two very expensive beds in her home, and there is no reason for her to lie on the floor. It could be embarrassing if a friend or neighbor should pop in and find her there. How do I get her off the floor? -- NOT BEDRIDDEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT BEDRIDDEN: You should be more concerned with how things are than how they "might" be perceived by others. If your mother is having back trouble, encourage her to discuss it with her doctor or a chiropractor so she can be examined to make sure nothing is wrong. But if nothing is, then leave your poor mother alone. She's in the privacy of her own home, and she is hurting no one.

life

Dear Abby for August 05, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2010 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: We have an ongoing discussion in our office. What color ink is proper for signing birthday cards, sympathy cards, farewell cards, etc?

One co-worker continues to use colors other than blue or black. An older co-worker says it's inappropriate to use any other colors. I have searched for an answer to this question with no luck. Can you help? -- SEEING RED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SEEING RED: You seem to have a lot of time on your hands in that office. What is being conveyed is more important than how it looks. To sign a sympathy card in bright red might be inappropriate because it is jarring. For cards celebrating happy occasions, colored ink is acceptable -- the exception being fluorescent ink because it is hard to read.

life

Dear Abby for August 05, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2010 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My aunt and uncle are "large" people. In the past we have had to be extremely cautious about where they sit when they come visit. Our furniture is mostly hand-me-downs and not overly sturdy.

They have, on occasion, broken the furniture because of their weight. We have had to have our kitchen chairs reglued, and once a chair was destroyed beyond repair. They have never ever offered to make amends for the furniture they have damaged.

We are about to order a new dining room set and living room furniture. Naturally, we don't want these broken. My husband has suggested giving them only sturdy folding chairs to sit on, but I don't want to embarrass them or make them feel unwelcome.

Is there a way to protect our furniture without hurting or offending my aunt and uncle? We don't have the money to constantly replace broken items. -- STRICTLY ANONYMOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STRICTLY ANONYMOUS: To drag out folding chairs for your aunt and uncle to use would be glaringly obvious. Consider buying a couple of sturdy chairs (and possibly have them reinforced with metal bracing) for them. When you know they're coming, "guide" them toward the chairs you want them to use. If you are questioned about it, explain (kindly) that in the past your chairs have been broken or needed repair -- so these were bought with them in mind because they are sturdier and you want them to be comfortable.

If they take offense, then please realize that the problem is theirs. To prepare for guests with "special needs" is an example of good hospitality, not rudeness.

life

Dear Abby for August 05, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2010 | Letter 4 of 4

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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