DEAR ABBY: When I went to visit my mother, I found her lying on the kitchen floor. I asked her what she was doing there, and she said the floor feels cold and hard and soothes her back.

Abby, my mother has two very expensive beds in her home, and there is no reason for her to lie on the floor. It could be embarrassing if a friend or neighbor should pop in and find her there. How do I get her off the floor? -- NOT BEDRIDDEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT BEDRIDDEN: You should be more concerned with how things are than how they "might" be perceived by others. If your mother is having back trouble, encourage her to discuss it with her doctor or a chiropractor so she can be examined to make sure nothing is wrong. But if nothing is, then leave your poor mother alone. She's in the privacy of her own home, and she is hurting no one.

DEAR ABBY: We have an ongoing discussion in our office. What color ink is proper for signing birthday cards, sympathy cards, farewell cards, etc?

One co-worker continues to use colors other than blue or black. An older co-worker says it's inappropriate to use any other colors. I have searched for an answer to this question with no luck. Can you help? -- SEEING RED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR SEEING RED: You seem to have a lot of time on your hands in that office. What is being conveyed is more important than how it looks. To sign a sympathy card in bright red might be inappropriate because it is jarring. For cards celebrating happy occasions, colored ink is acceptable -- the exception being fluorescent ink because it is hard to read.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt and uncle are "large" people. In the past we have had to be extremely cautious about where they sit when they come visit. Our furniture is mostly hand-me-downs and not overly sturdy.

They have, on occasion, broken the furniture because of their weight. We have had to have our kitchen chairs reglued, and once a chair was destroyed beyond repair. They have never ever offered to make amends for the furniture they have damaged.

We are about to order a new dining room set and living room furniture. Naturally, we don't want these broken. My husband has suggested giving them only sturdy folding chairs to sit on, but I don't want to embarrass them or make them feel unwelcome.

Is there a way to protect our furniture without hurting or offending my aunt and uncle? We don't have the money to constantly replace broken items. -- STRICTLY ANONYMOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STRICTLY ANONYMOUS: To drag out folding chairs for your aunt and uncle to use would be glaringly obvious. Consider buying a couple of sturdy chairs (and possibly have them reinforced with metal bracing) for them. When you know they're coming, "guide" them toward the chairs you want them to use. If you are questioned about it, explain (kindly) that in the past your chairs have been broken or needed repair -- so these were bought with them in mind because they are sturdier and you want them to be comfortable.

If they take offense, then please realize that the problem is theirs. To prepare for guests with "special needs" is an example of good hospitality, not rudeness.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 25 and have been married to "Bob" for five years. The problem is, I'm in love with his 53-year-old father. I have always been attracted to "Charlie," but my feelings have escalated since Bob's mother died last year.

After the funeral, Charlie was lonely and started coming to our house. Most of the time Bob was at work, so Charlie and I became very close. At one family get-together, Charlie kissed me passionately in the kitchen when no one was around.

I don't know what to do. I think I am seriously in love with Charlie, but my husband is a wonderful man and I would never want to hurt him. If I tell Bob the truth, not only will it destroy our marriage, but forever ruin Bob's relationship with his father.

Should I ignore my feelings for Charlie and pretend it never happened? Or should I tell Bob what happened, hoping he'll understand? -- IN LOVE WITH THE OLDER VERSION

DEAR IN LOVE: Charlie may have been lonely and grieving when he started coming over, but when you both recognized that you were becoming attracted to each other, a stop should have been put to it. That he would actually hit on you "when no one was looking" is disgraceful. (Was he sober?)

If you tell your husband, he will indeed "understand," and I don't recommend it. You need professional counseling, and Charlie needs to be told that poaching on the family preserve is not allowed, so he should spend his lonely hours looking for company that's available. What you have described isn't love; it's a scandal.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago I placed my second child for adoption. I was a single mom with a 3-year-old boy to raise and the father was in the military for an extended mission. I thought long and hard before I did it and decided that the gift I could give to another couple was better than the life I could offer a child as a single parent.

I am still in contact with the father. We speak often, comfort each other and just talk. Some people -- mainly men I have dated -- find this relationship disturbing. It has caused two relationships to end.

Abby, am I wrong to continue a friendship with the father of a child I gave up for adoption? I know that at some point the past needs to be the past, and I'll have to deal with it for the rest of my life. Is it wrong to want to have that other person there to connect with me and understand firsthand what a hard life decision I went through? -- GIVEN UP SO MUCH ALREADY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR GIVEN UP SO MUCH: No, but if you are trying to cultivate and maintain a relationship with someone else, you need to recognize that clinging to the father of that child and talking to him "often" was somewhere between threatening and a turn-off for the men you were involved with. They should have been the ones providing understanding and comfort -- not him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend for three years. We have often talked about a future together, complete with a house, kids, etc. I am the breadwinner while he is working hard to achieve success as an artist. The role reversal suits us just fine except for one thing. I would like to become engaged, but I feel I can't expect him to propose when I know he has very little money. Abby, should I propose to him? -- BREADWINNER IN NEW YORK, N.Y.

DEAR BREADWINNER: I don't see why not. It happens every day!

DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on your May 29 reply to "Helping or Cheating?" the young lady who has been helping her boyfriend with his homework. I can see where someone might find this a problem.

I retired a few years ago after 35 years as an educator and still substitute teach three to five days a week. I feel I can speak for many teachers on this matter: For years, teachers have used a method called "peer tutoring" in and out of the classroom. From the information given, what that girl is doing sounds like textbook tutoring.

Personally, I feel it's far better to have help and see a word spelled correctly, a sentence constructed properly or a math problem worked correctly, than to have the mistake reinforced. In most cases, homework is just for practice, and "Rory" should have ample opportunity in class to show the teacher what he can do on his own. -- 35 YEARS AND COUNTING

DEAR COUNTING: Thank you for your input as an educator. I tried to reach the young woman who wrote that letter so I could ask if her boyfriend's test results had improved as a result of her efforts, but was unable to make contact.

Frankly, I was surprised at the amount of mail her letter generated from teachers, one of whom informed me that "most teachers don't check homework for accuracy, just that the homework was completed." Could this be part of what has gone wrong with our educational system -- that teachers have become so overwhelmed by the size of their classes that they can no longer give their students the individual attention they need? If so, how sad for all of us. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I used to teach at the university level. For 20 years I watched this happen. Never once was it the boyfriend "helping" the girlfriend. If we got two essays on the same topic, it was always the girlfriend who had written it, while the boyfriend who "studied with her" or "used it as a model" ended up handing in a distorted version of the same paper -- same quotes, same structure, reworded sentences. The boyfriends were slacking off; their girlfriends were doing the work.

I have talked about this with other professors; only one could cite a single exception to this rule. Thank you for telling that young woman to stop doing his homework and please, Abby, let your readers know the issue is systemic. -- EX-PROF. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: There is a very fine line between good tutoring, poor tutoring and cheating. The best indicator is how the young man does on his exams. If he has significantly improved on his ability to do the problems in a test situation, then I lean toward the idea that good tutoring was done and suggest the students continue the process. If there has been no improvement, he should go to the teacher for extra help.

Math is an extremely difficult subject for many people. However, when a student gets F's on his tests and after coming to me gets A's and B's from then on, I suspect some learning has occurred. The teacher should review the tests the boyfriend takes and either tell the sister to go fly a kite or change methods -- depending on the scores. -- TUTOR IN RENO, NEV.