life

Dogs Kept in Locked Cars Can't Take Summertime Heat

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 2nd, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Summer is the season for celebration -- beach trips, picnics in the park and barbecues. But it can be a dangerous time for dogs.

Every year, thousands of dogs die after being left in overheated parked cars. Heatstroke can come on quickly and result in brain damage or death. Dogs are prone to heatstroke because they can cool themselves only by panting and sweating through their paw pads.

If you see a dog left in a car on a warm day, take down the car's color, model, make and license plate number. Have the owner paged inside nearby stores and call local humane authorities or the police.

If you see a dog exhibit any of the following symptoms: restlessness, excessive thirst, a rapid pulse, heavy panting, lethargy, lack of appetite, dark tongue, rapid heartbeat, fever, vomiting or lack of coordination -- get the animal into the shade immediately and call the veterinarian.

You can save a dog's life! -- LAURIE IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR LAURIE: Thank you for an important letter. I recently read that so far this year, 19 children have died after being left in automobiles! During the summer months, leaving any living creature in a car -- even with the windows cracked -- is an invitation to a heart-wrenching tragedy.

life

Dear Abby for August 02, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 2nd, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 15 years. My parents did not attend my wedding because my mother's job was more important -- so my father never walked me down the aisle.

My brother is now being married for the first time. It will be his fiancee's third trip to the altar. Her father died years ago and they have asked my father to walk her down the aisle without even considering how I might feel about it.

When I explained to Dad how hurt I feel, he didn't understand. But he told me he would not walk her down the aisle if it caused me pain. Now my brother and his fiancee are upset with me.

Abby, can a groom's father give away the woman his son is about to marry? Am I being selfish in suggesting she walk down the aisle by herself just as I did? -- RESENTFUL IN MICHIGAN

DEAR RESENTFUL: The answer to both of your questions is yes.

life

Dear Abby for August 02, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 2nd, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter "Gwen" has friends whose parents allow them to watch movies I prefer my daughter not see -- specifically, scary movies. The parents of one of the girls have invited Gwen to a sleepover. I have been making excuses because I don't want Gwen having nightmares.

Would it be wrong or impolite to tell these parents that I don't want her watching scary movies? I don't want to appear to be dictating to them what they can or can't allow their children to see in their own home. How should this be handled? -- PROTECTIVE MOM, MUSTANG, OKLA.

DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: Be upfront with the mother who will be hosting the sleepover. Tell her that you know Gwen would love to participate, but that you prefer that she not see scary films. If the mother can guarantee that none will be viewed that night, give your permission. Making your preference known is neither rude nor overbearing, so speak up.

life

Bride Blushes at Size of Gift, Then Refuses to Accept It

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 1st, 2010 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: We sent a check to our niece a month before her marriage as a wedding gift to her and her fiance. The amount was generous, and we felt any young couple would be delighted to receive it. We also attended their out-of-state wedding.

Four months after we sent the check, it had neither been cashed nor had we received any acknowledgment that it had been received. I contacted my sister to verify that it hadn't been lost only to be told that my niece was "embarrassed by the large amount of the check and could not accept it"! Have you ever heard of such a thing? We think it is rude on multiple counts: First, evaluating the gift; second, rejecting the gift; and finally, not feeling obligated to even acknowledge it.

I'm boiling mad. My sister was the one who suggested "money" when we asked what the bride could use as a gift. We always felt that any gift -- large or small, liked or not -- should be graciously accepted and acknowledged. Have you any thoughts on this? -- FURIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR FURIOUS: Yes -- and congratulations. Your letter is a first. I have heard of brides complaining that a gift of money wasn't large enough -- but never that it was "too large." Could there be some additional tensions in the family that prevented your niece from telling you that your generosity was more than she could comfortably accept? If so, she could have returned it with a note thanking you and explaining the reason why.

Your thoughts regarding etiquette are absolutely correct. Any gift -- or kind deed -- should be graciously acknowledged.

life

Dear Abby for August 01, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 1st, 2010 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son was honored at his groom's dinner last month. As I looked down our table, six of our guests were fixated on sending/receiving text messages on their cell phones. One young woman sat staring off into space because no one had made any attempt to engage her in conversation.

Finally, I remarked that this was rude and that people should shut off their gadgets and get to know one another. These people were invited to honor my son who was being married. It did not go over well. I got comments like, "What's wrong with that?" "Oh, I have taken my knitting to these events," and, "I do this all the time." My thought was, "Well, stay home then and text away!"

Is it so hard for people to tune in and turn on to what is going on around them and forgo their "toys" during special life events? I am ... TIRED OF TECHNOLOGY

DEAR TIRED OF TECHNOLOGY: Obviously it is. But some people are so "addicted" to their electronic devices that they literally go into a form of withdrawal if they can't check for messages every few minutes. I agree that what happened was rude. But having discussed this subject with more than one psychiatrist, what I'm hearing is that many individuals today who effectively communicate on their devices, have difficulty engaging in eye-to-eye, one-on-one social interaction. That may explain the phenomenon you observed at the party.

life

Happy Empty Nester Objects to Baby Sitting All Weekend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 31st, 2010 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter gave birth to an adorable little boy three years ago. We love "Connor" dearly, but my husband is obsessed with him. He wants our grandson at our house every weekend from the time we are done working on Friday until Sunday evening or Monday morning.

My husband wants to take Connor everywhere we go. Abby, I love my grandson, but after raising our own children, I'd now like to focus on our lives and maybe have time for myself. If I say anything, my husband becomes furious and tells me I don't love our grandson. Of course I do, but I don't want every spare moment of my life wrapped up in him. Your advice, please? -- CONNOR'S G-MA IN VIRGINIA

DEAR G-MA: How does your daughter feel about this arrangement? What about Connor's father and his paternal grandparents? Shouldn't they be getting equal time with the child, too? If your daughter is a single mother, it is unfair for her to expect her parents to baby-sit Connor every weekend.

I agree that your husband's behavior is obsessive. You deserve time for yourself, so TAKE it. If your husband won't cooperate, schedule activities with some of your women friends. Do not allow yourself to be bullied into being an unwilling baby sitter because it isn't healthy for any of you.

life

Dear Abby for July 31, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 31st, 2010 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl and I really enjoy drawing. There's a 17-year-old boy in my school, "Christopher," who I am dying to draw. He has a wonderful profile, a fascinating smile, challenging hair that hangs over his eyes in an interesting way, great posture, grace and beautiful hands. Shall I go on?

Every time I see Christopher I want to grab a camera and get some good snapshots to use as a reference for sketching him later. I especially want to capture him in action -- running, jumping, fencing or something like that. I also want to do a portrait of him.

How can I get some photos of him without being embarrassed or getting teased? There's one teacher who would definitely tease me if I'm too obvious. -- FUTURE FAMOUS ARTIST IN GEORGIA

DEAR ARTIST: Why not try the direct approach? Tell Christopher that you're working on an art project, and ask him if he would mind if you used him as a model. Tell him it wouldn't take up much of his time -- but you'd like to snap some reference shots of him running, jumping, a three-quarter picture of his head and shoulders and his profile. He might be flattered at the idea. And if you get teased about it, say, "Dear Abby says, 'Art without passion is mechanical drawing.'"

life

Dear Abby for July 31, 2010

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 31st, 2010 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married on a very limited budget. She is thinking about handing out drink tickets at the reception to limit alcohol consumption. The reason is the cost. I think it sounds tacky, but it's better than a cash bar. What do you think? -- BUDGET-CONSCIOUS MAMA IN MISSOURI

DEAR MAMA: Nowhere is it written that alcohol must be consumed at a wedding reception. Many couples offer punch or cider to their guests instead, and that's what I recommend your daughter do.

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